DEAR MISS MANNERS: How, if at all, does one acknowledge or comment on the gender change of a friend's child?

We have known these friends since their children were small, and one child has recently changed their gender identity. Next time we see the parents (who do not live nearby, but we see them periodically), how do we address it, if at all?

It seems odd to say nothing, as it is a major life change, but I'm not sure what would be appropriate.

GENTLE READER: There is really no need to draw attention to it other than to make sure you have learned the correct name and pronouns from the parents in advance.

Miss Manners suggests that you take your cue from the child, but not pointing out the obvious may well be a welcome respite from the undoubted barrage of constant questions and observations -- both the rude and the benevolent kinds.

As an aside and in case you were wondering, you may also freely refer to shared memories and past events -- as long as you are careful not to say, "Of course, that was back when you were Rupert, not Rue."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in one of the more locked-down areas of the country, and my son, who just turned 10, has been pretty isolated since the pandemic began. He didn't have much of a filter before, but his responses to situations have grown incredibly rude. If he doesn't like something, it's "Ewwwww, so gross!" Or "This is horrible!" And the most despised response: "This sucks!!"

Please help! Are there books or classes you can think of that we could use to "reset"? As a family, we are pretty conscious of manners -- napkins in laps at dinner, "please" and "thank you" always, etc.

When we are out in public, he is usually polite. But this terror at home has me worried that such behaviors will spill over to the public realm if we don't correct it now.

GENTLE READER: There is such a thing as "at home" manners. It is confined, however, to picking up the chicken leg at the family dinner table instead of cutting it, and ... actually, Miss Manners thinks that might be it.

You have reaped the unpleasant repercussions of differentiating between private and public manners. And while occasional bad behavior in a 10-year-old cannot, perhaps, be entirely avoided, this is a chance to teach him that no one likes to be at the receiving end of rudeness. Not even parents.

Miss Manners suggests that much of this education lies not with books and classes, but with said parents -- who now have the unenviable task of distinguishing between "being honest" and hurting people's feelings. Developing empathy and curbing our more basic human instincts in favor of getting along are necessary skills in any society. And as your son's is still largely confined to the immediate family, he will no doubt have a grateful -- and captive -- audience for his efforts. Take advantage of that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: May I make a plea for a public service announcement that everyone please keep their damned "curiosity" to themselves?

I am not referring to the kind of scientific or philosophical curiosity that develops into a search for knowledge or meaning that enriches the human experience. Rather, I'm referring to when a person interrogates a stranger about something that is 1. quite frankly none of their business; 2. nothing that they intend to do anything about; and/or 3. outstandingly trivial.

In the winter months, I wear a coat on my way to work. If I later need to fetch something from my car, and if the temperature is above freezing, I'll do so without my coat -- I'll only be outdoors for a minute, tops. Apparently, this is so shocking to onlookers that they have to stop me or follow me, calling out, "Why aren't you wearing a coat?"

Although I'm already a bit irritated that they're asking -- I'm obviously not homeless, just in a hurry; besides, if they were to discover that I didn't own a coat, I very much doubt they intended to give me theirs -- I'll humor them by saying, "Oh, I'm just running out to my car for a minute." They then ask, "Yeah, but aren't you COLD?"

If I pretend not to hear this, I'll likely be subjected to further questioning once I get back inside: "Now, wasn't it cold out there to you? Do you just not feel those temperatures? That's crazy."

How many people have to put up with this kind of nonsense? I've seen a stranger ask a woman in a waiting room, "Why do you have so many papers in your purse? ... Yeah, but can't you just organize them at home? ... What are they all for, anyway?"

A businessperson on public transit might get: "You dress nice, so why do you take the bus? ... Yeah, but wouldn't you get there faster if you drove? ... Do you even own a car? ... So why do you have a car, but not drive it to work?"

Or a person working in a cafe: "Why do you use the number keys at the top of the keyboard instead of the number pad? ... Well, it'd be a lot faster if you used the number pad. ... When did you learn to type?"

When one desires to end this completely inane, pointless line of questioning and finally -- with total courtesy and lack of any indication of a rude attitude -- says, "May I ask why you're asking me about this?", the response is invariably a defensive outburst of, "I'm just curious. You don't have to make a big deal out of it. You can't just answer a simple question?"

Insisting that you are merely looking after another person's well-being is no excuse. Perhaps I'm cynical, but someone would have a hard time convincing me that he or she is concerned about my health or safety when asking me "why I have such long hair if I don't wear it loose."

Why don't they ask themselves, "Am I just being nosy?"

GENTLE READER: As whatever you say to your torturers is unlikely to be sufficient, Miss Manners offers you two solutions. One: Minimize the amount of time you waste by shivering, smiling, saying "Thank you, you're so right" -- and running back inside.

The other option wastes more time, but perhaps produces some heat in the form of revenge: Stop, approach the speaker, looking as cold as you possibly can, and ask what it was they said. When their question or advice is repeated, nod and say, "Yes, I only intended to be out for a moment." The longer you can prolong the conversation, the more uncomfortable you will be -- but so will your would-be adviser.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My job involves answering a helpline to assist callers applying to a confusing government funding program. I pride myself on not only answering the questions posed, but ensuring applicants get all the assistance they need.

I am thanked often for my work, and I enjoy doing it, hopefully with warmth and occasional humor.

My concern is how to politely end conversations when the business is concluded, but the caller needlessly extends the closing niceties. After certain phrases have been spoken by both parties ("Call me again if you need me," for instance, or "Thank you and have a nice day"), instead of hanging up, the caller begins to reiterate their thanks, continues to wish me well, or even starts an unrelated conversation ("Have I told you that you remind me of my cousin?").

Sometimes I feel my only option is to be direct, but hopefully still kind ("I'm going to have to sign off now" or "I do need to take my next call"). Do you have any other suggestions for how to politely get the message across to those who seem reluctant to disconnect?

GENTLE READER: There is a misconception that being direct is always rude -- no doubt a reaction against the Truth-Telling Crowd who feel compelled to tell you what they think of your weight, your attitude and your sense of style.

But there is nothing wrong with saying, in your kindest tone, that you have to ring off because you have other applicants who need your help. If this still feels insufficient, Miss Manners makes no objection to prefacing it with an apology.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My first name is Eddie. I have a friend who constantly calls me Eddie Spaghetti. It bothers me to no end. I am not a wet noodle. Without offending him, how do I get him to knock it off?

GENTLE READER: Smile wanly and assure him you have never heard that one before.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please please PLEASE say something about the misuse of the word "literally" before it becomes accepted practice.

GENTLE READER: Too late.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a wedding ceremony in a church that could hold 250 people very comfortably, and the attendance was not that large.

A person about five pews in front of me turned and seemed to wave directly at me, but was actually beginning to communicate with somebody three rows behind me. I was stuck in the middle of their conversation.

If this happens again, should I try to move to my left or right if possible? What is the proper protocol in a situation such as this?

GENTLE READER: The proper protocol does not involve other guests conducting semaphore over your head during a wedding, but it also limits what you can do to make them behave.

Miss Manners offers three alternatives: Ignore them; discreetly move away; or ask aloud if they would like to sit together. The latter will bring everyone else down upon the three of you, so remember to use tone, phrasing and body language that you can later defend convincingly as a genuine desire to help.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)