DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was invited to join a group of six for dinner in a very fine restaurant, I was informed by the friend who had invited me that it is customary for each diner to order something different because the group likes to "share and sample." One would consume a little from his or her plate, and at a given time, all plates would be passed to the person on the left until we all had "a taste and a bite" from each dish.

I was horrified, and stated that I would be happy to pass their plates, but my own dinner would stay in front of me to be eaten by me. The group let it be known that I was a spoilsport and no fun. They told me "absolutely not," that my dinner was to be shared, as they were all looking forward to a taste.

So I decided that I would make the best of a horrible situation: I passed plates as instructed, but never ate anything -- from any plate -- after my own dinner left me. I consumed bread and the wonderful wine, grateful that the six wine glasses were not also passed around.

How can one best extricate oneself from bizarre rituals or situations? Should I have feigned illness, or a family emergency that required my leaving the group? Pointed out the obvious health and sanitation violations by eating from five other people's plates? Could I have properly said that they could all do as they pleased, but I was not participating or sharing?

Sadly, this was not the first time I found myself in a situation where there was a "group taste." I have seen birthday cakes passed around, where everyone had their own fork, took a bite of the cake and then passed it on -- another "oh no, how awful" ritual that seems to be gaining popularity.

GENTLE READER: Ewww. Miss Manners suggests that you ... No, just ewww.

Surely our current health situation has curbed these disgusting rituals, but if they have not, try a firm, "Do you really think this is wise, given the lingering pandemic? I know that I've had too many brushes with the disease to risk it on your behalf. Perhaps it would be just as fun if we tried everyone's dishes by putting them in the middle and asking the waiter for extra plates."

Alternatively, start traveling with your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is more correct: November 16, 2021, or 11-16-2021?

I have been told the first way is now considered obsolete, but I prefer that format to using the numbers. Sometimes I get confused which number belongs to which month. And then, of course, I get accused of being lazy and stupid.

GENTLE READER: A particularly unkind accusation for something that has so much variation, even within our own continent. Miss Manners will defend you by asserting that she also prefers writing dates out, preferably in handwritten, personal letters with black ink and cream paper.

But in lieu of that, she will settle for paying homage to that practice by using the written-out date in typed-up business correspondence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received gift cards -- one for a spa and another for a restaurant -- in which the amount of the gift, while generous, wouldn't be enough to cover any treatment at the spa or a meal for two at the restaurant.

In each case, the amount on the gift card is significant, but as the establishment is quite expensive, it's still not enough that I wouldn't need to spend additional money to cover the difference (plus tip).

As a result, these gift cards will likely go unused, as these are not establishments that I typically frequent. Is there any way to graciously convey this? I hate to see the gift cards go unused.

GENTLE READER: If there were a way to leave the giver thinking that the gift was so successful that a repetition next year would be welcome, you could then pool the two sums.

But Miss Manners can think of no way to accomplish this that does not involve lying about what happened to this year's card or pointing out its deficiency, both of which she strongly discourages. Even if she could, most gift cards carry expiration dates. These ones will therefore have to go the way of the purple sweater you hate and be returned, regifted or ignored.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I get along with most of my neighbors, but there's one family we'll never be close to. They're just a bit snobby, with spoiled kids and no concern for others.

A waist-high fence separates our yards. Basketballs and soccer balls fly into our yard a lot. If I'm out there, I throw them back, no problem. I've added a hook to close, not lock, our front fence, as we're having a lot of work done and don't want anyone getting hurt.

In a group party game at the neighbor's, one piece of equipment came over our fence. I looked everywhere, but couldn't find it. I was sitting outside at the time, dealing with a very ill family member, and said I would find it later and drop it off.

They asked to come over and look. I let one child over, who couldn't find it. Then they all wanted to come look. I said no, we have something going on. It was pretty obvious we were dealing with something serious.

Their guests came to the front gate asking to come in, saying their game was ruined. I was polite, but said I'd return it as soon as I could. I just couldn't deal with a large group wandering through piles of materials and disrupting us.

The next day I searched, found and returned it. The frost has been palpable. Am I the bad neighbor?

GENTLE READER: No, but you are not going to convince them of that. What you might be able to do is convince them to be more careful with their sporting equipment. Miss Manners points out that that, too, will require care and balance: If you are friendlier than they are, they may read it as conceding you were wrong; if you are hostile, you risk escalation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and parents are going to come visit us and stay for three nights. I was told very bluntly by my sister that I need to have empty drawer space and hanging space for their clothes.

We live in a 200-year-old farmhouse and have very little closet space and storage space. I have put my things in the guest room dresser for that reason. Our only closet is also in the guest room and is already quite packed with our clothes.

I agree, it is very nice to have a place to unpack and store your clothes when staying somewhere overnight, but is it expected? My sister even went so far as to tell me that I needed to get rid of some of my things to make room for guests.

They visit about every two or three years. I find this infuriating, to be honest. I am not running a B&B or a hotel. I thought the purpose of visiting family was to enjoy each other's company, not to make demands about your accommodations. Am I wrong to feel upset by this?

GENTLE READER: Since you mention farmhouses, it occurs to Miss Manners that the story of Mary and Joseph's stay in the stable is not about substandard concierge service. The inn was full.

Ancient texts -- both religious and secular -- were extremely concerned about the duties of the host. If this innkeeper had misbehaved, we would have heard about it -- if not in the text itself, then in Dante's epic "where are they now?" follow-up.

Most hosts do not have a bedroom and bathroom that can sit entirely empty in anticipation of company, but this does not make them bad hosts. A hostess should make guests feel welcome, which means as comfortable as reasonably possible.

Herein lies the trouble. How much must the hostess inconvenience herself? In the situation you describe, emptying an entire closet -- when there is not a second closet in the house -- may be too much to ask. But a little drawer space and a place to hang a few items does not seem unreasonable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who is moving to the East Coast. They will keep their current job, mostly working remotely, but will still need to travel back here to visit their office fairly frequently.

They asked me if they could come and stay at my house, for weeks at a time, when they need to be close to the office. I didn't respond, but was horrified at the request, not only because I am working full-time and have a number of commitments, which their presence would no doubt compromise (they tend to try to control things), but because having someone living with me for weeks is simply not in my best interest.

What can I say to this friend to avert this potential disaster as well as keep our friendship?

GENTLE READER: What can you say? "No."

Miss Manners would have thought the problem was how to say it, to which she would have answered: with a decisive tone dripping with sympathy and regret, no excuses needed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)