DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several months back, I reconnected with an old friend from my hometown whom I had not seen in many years. We both expressed a desire to see each other again the next time I returned to visit family.

Fortunately, COVID travel restrictions have eased, and I was recently able to visit my sister's home. Shortly after I settled in, my sister posted a photo on social media happily announcing my arrival. She tagged me in the photo (a practice I find presumptuous and annoying) and my old friend commented on the picture, wishing me a nice stay.

While I had intended to contact my friend personally, telling him I had arrived and that I was still interested in meeting up, I now felt that since he clearly knew I was in town, he would have extended an invitation or reiterated his desire to get together.

He has not done so, and I am fine with that, as I understand he may be busy or is limiting his social contacts during the pandemic. My sister, however, thinks I should reach out and invite him out for lunch. I am in a quandary as I don't want to appear pushy.

Was it appropriate of me to not pursue a meet-up after my friend's "Have a nice visit" comment? In the future, when I am visiting from out of town, what is considered proper etiquette for arranging a get-together?

GENTLE READER: It is generally the responsibility of the visitor to inform the locals of their arrival. This should be done by calling friends personally, not by public posts, which are social media's equivalent of saying "nyah, nyah" -- showing unsuspecting friends the events to which they have not been invited.

No doubt, your friend is waiting for your call. And, Miss Manners fears, his comment was disguising hurt feelings or even betraying sarcasm, since you did not reach out as promised but are obviously in town.

He has no way of knowing that your sister posted without your consent, so in his eyes, you were the one doing the "nyah, nyah" and did not want to see him. Please stop this passive cycle and call him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been married for over 30 years now. However, my mother-in-law thanks my husband, and not me, when receiving gifts (even in person).

I have not brought this up with my husband, but feel unappreciated, since we are equal wage-earners and jointly decide on family gifts. How should one deal with this situation?

GENTLE READER: Bring it up with your husband: "Your mother does not seem to think that I had anything to do with picking out that silk robe we got her for Christmas. Do you mind mentioning that we both decided on it -- or at least giving me shared credit for the next present? Unless you would prefer to undertake the task of picking out gifts for her on your own from now on."

Miss Manners suggests that you say that last bit sweetly and as a genuine request. She assures you that the threat part will be implicit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was invited to join a group of six for dinner in a very fine restaurant, I was informed by the friend who had invited me that it is customary for each diner to order something different because the group likes to "share and sample." One would consume a little from his or her plate, and at a given time, all plates would be passed to the person on the left until we all had "a taste and a bite" from each dish.

I was horrified, and stated that I would be happy to pass their plates, but my own dinner would stay in front of me to be eaten by me. The group let it be known that I was a spoilsport and no fun. They told me "absolutely not," that my dinner was to be shared, as they were all looking forward to a taste.

So I decided that I would make the best of a horrible situation: I passed plates as instructed, but never ate anything -- from any plate -- after my own dinner left me. I consumed bread and the wonderful wine, grateful that the six wine glasses were not also passed around.

How can one best extricate oneself from bizarre rituals or situations? Should I have feigned illness, or a family emergency that required my leaving the group? Pointed out the obvious health and sanitation violations by eating from five other people's plates? Could I have properly said that they could all do as they pleased, but I was not participating or sharing?

Sadly, this was not the first time I found myself in a situation where there was a "group taste." I have seen birthday cakes passed around, where everyone had their own fork, took a bite of the cake and then passed it on -- another "oh no, how awful" ritual that seems to be gaining popularity.

GENTLE READER: Ewww. Miss Manners suggests that you ... No, just ewww.

Surely our current health situation has curbed these disgusting rituals, but if they have not, try a firm, "Do you really think this is wise, given the lingering pandemic? I know that I've had too many brushes with the disease to risk it on your behalf. Perhaps it would be just as fun if we tried everyone's dishes by putting them in the middle and asking the waiter for extra plates."

Alternatively, start traveling with your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is more correct: November 16, 2021, or 11-16-2021?

I have been told the first way is now considered obsolete, but I prefer that format to using the numbers. Sometimes I get confused which number belongs to which month. And then, of course, I get accused of being lazy and stupid.

GENTLE READER: A particularly unkind accusation for something that has so much variation, even within our own continent. Miss Manners will defend you by asserting that she also prefers writing dates out, preferably in handwritten, personal letters with black ink and cream paper.

But in lieu of that, she will settle for paying homage to that practice by using the written-out date in typed-up business correspondence.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received gift cards -- one for a spa and another for a restaurant -- in which the amount of the gift, while generous, wouldn't be enough to cover any treatment at the spa or a meal for two at the restaurant.

In each case, the amount on the gift card is significant, but as the establishment is quite expensive, it's still not enough that I wouldn't need to spend additional money to cover the difference (plus tip).

As a result, these gift cards will likely go unused, as these are not establishments that I typically frequent. Is there any way to graciously convey this? I hate to see the gift cards go unused.

GENTLE READER: If there were a way to leave the giver thinking that the gift was so successful that a repetition next year would be welcome, you could then pool the two sums.

But Miss Manners can think of no way to accomplish this that does not involve lying about what happened to this year's card or pointing out its deficiency, both of which she strongly discourages. Even if she could, most gift cards carry expiration dates. These ones will therefore have to go the way of the purple sweater you hate and be returned, regifted or ignored.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I get along with most of my neighbors, but there's one family we'll never be close to. They're just a bit snobby, with spoiled kids and no concern for others.

A waist-high fence separates our yards. Basketballs and soccer balls fly into our yard a lot. If I'm out there, I throw them back, no problem. I've added a hook to close, not lock, our front fence, as we're having a lot of work done and don't want anyone getting hurt.

In a group party game at the neighbor's, one piece of equipment came over our fence. I looked everywhere, but couldn't find it. I was sitting outside at the time, dealing with a very ill family member, and said I would find it later and drop it off.

They asked to come over and look. I let one child over, who couldn't find it. Then they all wanted to come look. I said no, we have something going on. It was pretty obvious we were dealing with something serious.

Their guests came to the front gate asking to come in, saying their game was ruined. I was polite, but said I'd return it as soon as I could. I just couldn't deal with a large group wandering through piles of materials and disrupting us.

The next day I searched, found and returned it. The frost has been palpable. Am I the bad neighbor?

GENTLE READER: No, but you are not going to convince them of that. What you might be able to do is convince them to be more careful with their sporting equipment. Miss Manners points out that that, too, will require care and balance: If you are friendlier than they are, they may read it as conceding you were wrong; if you are hostile, you risk escalation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)