DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend of many years who is now a member of a fundamentalist religion. I am an atheist. She has recently started saying grace out loud when we meet for lunch at a restaurant.

At first, I awkwardly stopped eating while she said it, then I started to half-pause, half-nibble on my food until she was finished with her lengthy prayer. The last time she announced she would be saying grace, I agreed that that was fine, but that I don't say grace; I then tucked into my food while she said a fairly long prayer.

If she were to say grace silently, I would feel differently about it, and would wait for her to finish. Her saying it out loud, and including me in her messages to her deity -- "Please help (my name) to overcome (difficulty)" -- feels like I'm being forced to join in.

What is the most mannerly way to respond the next time she announces she is going to pray out loud?

GENTLE READER: Your first reaction -- waiting in respectful silence for her to finish -- is the right place to start. Miss Manners does not subscribe to the notion that merely being present and respectful when someone else practices their religion is tantamount to endorsing that religion.

But neither does she condone your friend's misuse of that basic respect as a cover for proselytizing to an unwilling subject. You could excuse yourself from the table and return when services are concluded.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A small group of friends meets each week for games, drinks and snacks. A new member, who is a not a wine drinker, would bring wine now and then for everyone else. She is aware of the type of wine that we all prefer.

One time she brought a bottle, and I'll just say it was the total opposite of the type we drink. I gave it back to her with the comment that it wasn't one that we would drink, and commented on why.

She argued with me that it was the correct type. I pointed out the specifics, and she concurred that she had made a mistake. My intention was that she return the bottle and get her money back.

However, I have been wondering if that was the right way to handle that. Since then, she never brings wine, and seems rather cool towards me. What do you do when a guest brings a wine that is to no one's liking?

GENTLE READER: You identified a problem and you fixed it, Miss Manners can hear you saying, with the word "proactive" featuring prominently in your explanation, no doubt.

But your approach was rude, it hurt your friend's feelings, and it solved a problem that did not need solving. You could have thanked your friend and left the bottle out on the table. When no one drank it, your friend would have had to draw her own conclusions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I seem to have a different point of view about how tidy the house should be when visitors are expected to arrive. To that end, he will inform me if someone's planning to stop by.

For example, we planned a trip over the holidays, and he did not share with me until the evening before we left that his daughter and her new girlfriend were going to stop by while we were away to check in on the house and my mother-in-law (who lives with us). I ended up cleaning the house the best I could until late that night, to make sure that the house presented well to our guests in our absence.

This is not the first time people have stopped by for a visit with little to no warning, or straight-up without my knowledge, so that I could make sure things were tidy and presentable. I have communicated my concern to my husband; however, my feelings are not considered, as the house looks "just fine" in his opinion.

Am I the only one who still feels it's important to make your house tidy for visitors, or that I should at least be given fair warning to clean properly?

GENTLE READER: Although you likely feel that your husband would approve of the state of the house even if it were buried in a mudslide, neither he, nor anyone else, has questioned your premise -- that it reflects poorly on the homeowner when a guest finds a mess.

Unfortunately, husbands and wives, children and parents, boyfriends and girlfriends seldom agree on what constitutes a mess. Miss Manners recommends starting from the former point of agreement, not the latter point of disagreement. If you require him to help with the cleanup, he may see the benefit of advance warning -- or he may convince you that there is a midpoint of tidiness that is mutually acceptable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We hosted an event at our home where a couple arrived 45 minutes before the time on the invitation. We were still getting ready, and we had not yet sequestered our rambunctious dogs, as we generally do when we are entertaining.

My husband attempted to hold onto the dogs so they wouldn't jump on the guests. In the melee, he sustained a bad fall. Fortunately, he wasn't hurt beyond a mild cut and a bump on his head, but it was a scary moment. I was upset and did make a rather curt comment to the guests that they should not have arrived so early without letting us know. Isn't this as rude as arriving late?

What is one supposed to say or do when guests arrive before the host and hostess are ready to receive them?

GENTLE READER: One is supposed to say how happy you are to see them; one is supposed to do whatever is necessary to finish party preparation -- which, Miss Manners is aware, will demonstrate the inconvenience caused without your having to be rude.

The gladiatorial battle with the dogs -- and the subsequent fall -- accomplished the latter, if only you could have held up your end by doing the former.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a reasonably empathetic person. I'm not a sob sister, but I do feel true sympathy for other people's misfortunes. But I have reached my limit.

If someone tells me that a family member has died, and I respond with an "I'm sorry," the rejoinder is often, "Not your fault." If a friend mentions her recently broken bone, her divorce, her speeding ticket or broken fingernail, I obviously say that I am sorry. Again, the response is, "Not your fault."

I agree that I was not the cause of any of the aforementioned disasters; I was not indicating my guilt. I am certainly old enough to say "You have my sympathy," but I am not formal enough to pull it off. "I see" seems heartless. "Imagine!" seems cruel. "That is so sad" sounds sarcastic.

In this age of online trolls, rudeness passing as humor, and constant hate speech by politicos, what does one say to show empathy with a friend's or acquaintance's tale of woe, discomfort or loss? I need an appropriate response or I'm going to start saying "huh."

GENTLE READER: Not your fault -- that the objects of your sympathy don't understand the simplest conventional expression, and the need for them to reply graciously.

Miss Manners would suggest "I'm sorry to hear that," but those literal-minded folks might respond, "Then I guess I shouldn't have told you." How about "I'm sorry for your loss"? But the response might be that the person "didn't get lost, just died."

Oh, well. Just keep remembering that other people's deflecting sympathy is not your fault.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For a 2 p.m. wedding (party lasting until midnight), the bridesmaids will be wearing burgundy dresses, and the groomsmen will be in blue military uniforms (except the best man, in a tux). The fathers are to wear black tuxes and the mothers of the bride and groom were told to wear long black dresses.

Are the mothers no longer allowed to pick their own dress colors? Is it OK to wear full-length formal dress at 2 p.m.? Is black appropriate for a wedding?

Just trying to understand if this is the new way clothing is handled for a wedding party. I never would have dreamed of telling the mothers what to wear, but this has become a big deal.

GENTLE READER: What has become commonplace is the theatricalization of the wedding. Rather than thinking of it as a tradition that participants follow, it is framed as a show with particular roles to be performed. So costumes are dictated as part of the overall "look."

It's too bad that the director of this show wants to make it an occasion for flouting all the normal little social conventions, such as the ones against wearing evening clothes during the day and wearing black dresses at a wedding -- and most of all, against bossing around the mothers, as if they can't be trusted to dress themselves.

Whether you want to obey these dictates depends, Miss Manners supposes, on whether your life will be easier if you placate the dictator.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)