DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman companion of mine was invited to a longtime friend's home and asked me to accompany her. The invitation was for "dessert only," as many of the other guests were also invited for dinner a couple of hours earlier.

The dinner crepes were very tasty, we were told by the dinner guests.

What are the points of etiquette in all of this? I seek your response as a point of information and with no ill feelings -- I later married the hostess.

GENTLE READER: Well, you showed her, didn't you?

While the depth of your forgiveness is remarkable, Miss Manners is afraid that your wife and former hostess did, in fact, breach etiquette. You may invite people for dinner and you may invite people for dessert, but you may not do so for different people within the same evening. It makes it all too clear which of the guests is preferred.

Except, of course, in your case. So clearly your wife has learned her lesson -- and you have finally gotten to taste the dinner crepes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend I have known for half a century is dreading her upcoming 70th birthday. For the record, she also moaned about her 50th and 60th birthdays.

I happen to think milestone birthdays are worthy of celebration. I recently sent an email letting her know a gift and card, both thoughtfully selected by me, would be arriving shortly.

Her reply: "So sweet of you to do so, but I refuse to acknowledge this birthday!"

I had also planned to order flowers for her, but I am now rethinking this given her passive-aggressive response to my earlier message. Am I being churlish?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps. But your friend is not being passive-aggressive. She has made it clear -- for the past 20 years, no less -- that she does not like to celebrate her birthday.

Your insistence on it is not thoughtful, as it is not wanted. If you would like to celebrate your friend, Miss Manners suggests that you simply invite her to a meal or event around the time of her birthday without saying why. You will both know the reason, but the friendship will be all the better for silently respecting her real birthday wishes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A babysitter we used when our children were small, whom we still occasionally see socially, likes to tell people how horrible my children were when she babysat. She never said a word to me at the time.

My children are now in their late 30s. She has brought this up to me in social situations, and not only is it embarrassing, but I don't believe it is true. I think she says this to get a laugh at my family's expense.

What would be an appropriate response when she launches into comments about my kids? I can only think of rude comebacks, which won't help the situation.

GENTLE READER: "Oh, dear, they only ever spoke highly of you. If I had known how awful the children were to you at the time, I would never have continued to subject you to them."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the editor of a publication that comprises submissions from a variety of people. Some of them want me to correct their grammar, but others do not.

I asked one writer whether to do so on his work, and he said he wasn't sure. But then, an hour later, he came back and said he was offended that I'd even asked. Was I wrong to ask?

In your column, since you don't print people's names with their submissions, it seems that it would be OK to correct their grammar. A recent question read: "It seems rude to seat guests (especially those who traveled from out of town) in a different room THAN the guest of honor." The person who wrote that question might have wanted to show off the article after it was published, so wouldn't it have been appropriate for you to use FROM rather than THAN?

GENTLE READER: Phew. For a second, Miss Manners was afraid that you were suggesting "than" be changed to "then," and she was going to have to have a whole other conversation about your professional qualifications. Thankfully that was not the case.

Being an editor is your job. Why are you asking for permission from your authors to do it?

Surely it will reflect poorly on all concerned if there are errors or bad grammar in their essays. Any self-respecting writer must recognize the necessity to defer to an editor -- or sensibly argue about the correctness.

Miss Manners suggests that you stop asking the authors for permission -- and if they are offended, say: "It was nearly perfect. I just corrected a few tiny things. My job, after all, is to protect you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my 70s and have known some of my friends a long, long time. The problems of old age are starting to creep up on us. Some are now widows, some no longer drive and some are getting forgetful.

Last week, one friend called to plan an outing that would exclude one couple because the husband, frankly, now requires help and is no longer fun. Friend A made it clear that I was not to tell Couple B about this outing. I know they would be crushed if they knew about it, because we have done things together for many years.

So do I go on the outing and stay in the group, at least until my own age problems catch up with me? Or do I skip the outing as a loyal friend of Couple B, who won't know about my noble act and may not care?

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners, but you are going to have to wait for her to catch up, as the answer depends on Friend A's motivation.

Excluding Couple B because they are now dull company would be unpleasant news to them, but it is neither impolite nor immoral -- unless you tell them why they are not included.

Excluding Couple B because it would require some small accommodation on the part of everyone else is disloyal, and should make you question the long-term value of A's friendship. And too much time has passed for Friend A to claim the former under the guise of the latter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the organizing principles of my family's life has been that, since our kids were babies, we've eaten dinner together as a family nearly every night -- seated at our kitchen table, with no screens.

As a result, my children, now 16 and 11, have pretty good table manners, are capable of adult conversation and eat a healthy variety of cuisine. It's a linchpin of our good family relationships.

But how do we manage varying natural eating speeds? My husband, son and I probably eat a bit too fast, but my daughter is a remarkably slow eater. The three of us end up sitting in front of our empty plates for 15+ minutes while my daughter finishes her food.

At some point, my husband starts clearing the plates and cleaning up because he has to get up very early -- and, I suspect, because he is restless. My son gets up and starts scrounging around the kitchen for more food, because he is 16 and an athlete (and because he is also restless). I am unsettled by all the activity.

On occasion, my daughter will more or less excuse the rest of us and finish dinner alone, which feels lonely for her and rude for us. On other occasions, she will just stop eating when the rest of us are done. The overall result is that our family meals, which are quite pleasant overall, end on a slightly hectic note.

The three of us could slow down a bit, but not all the way down to my daughter's pace, and I hesitate to ask her to hurry up. It also seems unreasonable to ask everyone else to hang out in front of empty plates for an extra 15 minutes instead of getting to bed, starting homework, etc.

I'm officially at a loss, and hope you have some suggestions on how we can harmonize the wrap-up to our family dinners.

GENTLE READER: One can require children to attend family meals without its feeling like a hostage situation. Everyone should be expected to stay a reasonable length of time -- even if they are fast eaters and finish early.

After that, one person should volunteer to remain as company with your daughter while the others are excused. Ideally, that duty will be rotated.

What, you ask Miss Manners, is a reasonable amount of time? She would not have thought that an extra 10 minutes would be much to ask of your restless son or your sleepy husband. An additional 30 minutes is a different matter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Although I have a difficult relationship with my sister-in-law, I emailed her a few weeks ago to say that I could forward her resume to the recruiter at my work. She was looking for a job, and getting nervous because her husband never works during the winter and they have massive debt on their credit card.

She never responded to my email. Should I say something? It really bothered me, and it always feels like she gives me the cold shoulder.

GENTLE READER: Surely things are best left as they are. Miss Manners believes that it would be bothersome to attach your professional reputation to someone you cannot, in good conscience, recommend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)