DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine is staying with me, and he went home for Thanksgiving, leaving his cat here. Well, I woke up the first morning after he left and the cat is gone.

It is common for us to leave the doors open during the day, but the cat has never run off until now. So what do I do? Do I call my friend and tell him over the phone? Or do I wait till he gets back, hoping the cat will return in the meantime? But if the cat doesn't return, will he be hurt that I didn't inform him right away?

GENTLE READER: Have you thought of something to say when your friend returns and says, "Thanks for taking care of Tinkerbell. I bet he'll be glad to see me. Where is he? Tinkerbell! I'm back! Tinkerbell, where are you? TINKERBELL!!!"

No?

Then Miss Manners suggests that you get busy putting up posters around the neighborhood. She will give you a day or two before confessing to your friend, on the grounds that you were hunting frantically, but after that you must break the sad news.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were invited for Thanksgiving dinner at a new friend's home along with three other couples. We were asked to bring a dish to pass.

At the end of a delightful evening, we were asked to take home the leftover food we brought. We thought that was inappropriate and rude.

GENTLE READER: Funny -- the complaints that Miss Manners usually gets are from people whose leftovers were kept by the hosts. Or snatched by other guests.

For a holiday that is supposed to be associated with hospitality and inclusiveness, Thanksgiving apparently inspires a lot of unseemly squabbling.

Nor is it in keeping with the spirit of the occasion to assume that your hosts (who might have had an overstuffed kitchen) were just waiting until the end of the delightful meal for the chance to insult you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I had a party to celebrate a big anniversary. We asked that people not bring gifts, but someone gave us a very nice bottle of whiskey anyway.

The problem is that we don't drink, and neither do most of our friends.

Because it's such a nice bottle, I hate to see it go to waste. I suggested we thank the person, explain the issue, and give it back so someone else would be able to enjoy it.

My husband says that would be rude, so it's sitting in a cupboard. It will probably never be enjoyed unless we can find someone to regift it to, which may create a host of other problems.

GENTLE READER: Returning a present to the giver is unpleasant, so let's try to find it a home.

If you don't have friends who drink, how about a favorite restaurant? (Miss Manners is assuming that you are unlikely to have a favorite bar.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you address a formal invitation to a married lesbian couple who have the same last name? For example: Lisa Jones and Maggie Jones. Do you write Mrs. and Mrs. Jones? Or Mss. (plural of Ms.) Jones? Or Ms. Lisa Jones and Ms. Maggie Jones?

GENTLE READER: Having lost the grammatical battle of "they/them" -- she is entirely in favor of a nonbinary pronoun, if not the sometimes-confusing plural -- Miss Manners is determined to get ahead of new honorifics.

She will spare you the history lessons about Mrs. being short for Mistress -- which eventually took on nefarious tones, as so many female monikers do -- and about Ms. being historically correct centuries ago, not just a 20th-century feminist invention.

Oh, look at that: She did not spare you the lecture after all.

She therefore humbly suggests: "the Mses Jones."

Lest you retort that Ms. is not for married ladies, it is. It just does not define a woman as married or not. That ought to quell all of those other rightful patriarchal objections.

With this particular surname, you could also just say "the Joneses," but she begs you to resist "the Mses Joneses," as fun as it might be to say.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I have different techniques for adding ketchup to french fries. My spouse pours an amount of ketchup onto an empty area near the fries and then dips them. I pour the ketchup directly onto the fries. Does etiquette have a preference?

GENTLE READER: Nope, it does not really care. Once fingers enter the food arrangement, etiquette gets less picky. Unless, Miss Manners warns, you are sharing the fries -- in which case, she recommends whichever method does not bring you to blows.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up to offer drinks and/or food to people who come over to my house. I am engaged to a man whose parents do not do this, and I am trying to manage my feelings about it.

I went to their house for a planned visit, without my fiance, when the parents intended to take me out for lunch. I brought them homemade cookies.

Nothing was offered to me during the hour before we left for lunch. When we returned, not having had coffee nor dessert at the restaurant, we spent about 45 minutes at their house before I left. Again, nothing was offered -- not even the cookies I had brought over. They paid for lunch.

Is it unreasonable for me to have expected that they would offer me a drink? Maybe take out the cookies I brought and enjoy them while I was still there? Or was that not appropriate because they took me out for lunch? In my family, this would be considered very rude.

GENTLE READER: Certainly, a drink or light refreshment may be offered when one is visiting another's home. But in your example, with lunch having been so soon on the horizon, Miss Manners is inclined to excuse your in-laws for the transgression. If it happens during a longer interval with no meal promised, you may rightfully consider them thoughtless.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was always under the belief that your first baby shower should also be your only one. But I have now been invited to a third baby shower for my niece, whose oldest child is still very young.

I could understand if there was some space between the kids, since new equipment would be needed, or if this third baby was a different gender. But they are all boys, and her oldest is just 2. This feels like a gift grab.

What do you think? Should I buy another gift and go to the shower? Or is it OK to send my regards, knowing I will still show up with a gift when the baby is born?

GENTLE READER: Showers are gift grabs. That is their sole purpose. But Miss Manners agrees that second and third ones are excessive.

Unfortunately, if you do go, a present is expected. If you do not want to be pressured into shopping from a registry, witnessing endless present-opening and playing unseemly party games, then showing up with a gift after the baby arrives is fine.

Either way, it seems, these parents will get their loot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy the company of another couple we've known for years. I've had them over for dinner many times.

I eat only plant-based (vegan) foods; however, I make both vegan and meat-based dishes for everyone else. I don't ask them to bring anything, as they are our guests.

A few years ago, we invited them to meet us for dinner at a restaurant, which we planned to pay for. A day before the planned dinner, they called and wanted to invite us to their house rather than eating out. I asked if I could bring anything, and their answer was no.

When dinner at their house was served, it was stew with multiple kinds of meat and no vegetables. Even the salad had bacon in it. The wife said, "I don't think you eat meat, but I hope you can eat this."

Miss Manners, they have known for years that I don't eat animal products. I picked through the meal as best I could without complaint. Since the pandemic, we haven't gotten together with them.

What are your thoughts on hosts who don't provide any meatless dishes for a longtime friend? As a vegan, I have always made dishes with meat for my guests.

GENTLE READER: That your friends are either thoughtless, inconsiderate or perhaps just forgetful. The latter seems unlikely after all these years, but if you can believe that that is all it is, the friendship might be saved -- if you think it worthwhile.

Miss Manners suggests that next time, you could politely say in advance, "Oh, I can't remember if I told you, but I'm afraid I don't eat meat of any kind. I am happy to bring something, however, if it's hard to separate it for your other guests." And if she once again serves you bacon salad, you will know that the ruse is up.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)