DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were shopping at a local farmer's market and I had just placed my order at the butcher counter. My teen daughter was standing next to me and opted to move out of the area to make more room for others.

As she turned, there was an older woman immediately behind her, so close that my daughter had only started to turn when her shoulder bumped against this woman and caused her to lose her balance. My daughter quickly steadied her at the shoulders, apologized several times and asked if she was OK.

The woman glared hard at her, brushed off the front of her shirt as though my daughter had spilled something on her (my daughter was holding nothing) and huffed, but did not say anything. She then proceeded to walk over to a companion and declare loudly how "that young lady tried to run me over." Both of them glared pointedly at her until we were able to complete our order and leave the area.

Was there something else my daughter or I should have done? I believe my daughter handled the situation appropriately, and I told her so. However, she was quite distressed at the treatment this woman gave her and was worried that her action was somehow more terrible than the small accident that it was.

The mama bear in me wanted to say something to the woman, but I'm also a firm believer in not being rude just because someone else is.

GENTLE READER: The lessons for your daughter to learn are those you are already teaching her: that not everyone is polite, but that we do not return rudeness with more rudeness. You may tell her that Miss Manners knows she handled the situation well -- and that everyone within earshot was on her side.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a new way of timing weddings and receptions? I have been invited to several weddings where the ceremony is at 2 p.m., but the reception is at 5 p.m., leaving three hours in between.

The ceremonies only last around 30 minutes and the reception locations are not far away (perhaps 20 minutes). What are the guests supposed to do during this long interval? Also, many of these weddings state "black tie optional," so are we supposed to stay in our fancy clothes until the reception, or go home and change?

In the past, the reception was right after the ceremony. Am I old-fashioned? Is this a new trend?

GENTLE READER: Which trend are you thinking of? Deciding that the venues (which were only available at 2 p.m. and 5 p.m.) are more important than the guests? Summoning friends and family at the whim of the wedding photographer while everyone else stands around? Holding a black-tie event before sundown?

No, none of those trends are new -- nor do they fulfill the requirement of hosts to consider the convenience of their guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both work, and we have school-aged children involved in various activities. There are times when we go several days seeing each other only in bits and pieces of time. It is hectic, but we love it!

We also have a lot of extended family who live in other states. It is very hard to find a time when we can visit them, which is unfortunate. When they come here, they always want visits to last for several days to make it worth the trip. We only stay a night or two when we visit them.

I don't know how to politely decline offers to visit us. If we tell them a time is not good because of other obligations, they will say things like, "You don't have to entertain us!" or "I won't be in the way, I promise!"

We have tried letting it happen, but there are always requests for us to change our schedule because they had traveled so far. Sometimes we do, and then the kids get annoyed that they are missing their activities. During things we can't skip, we end up having people just sitting in our house without us, watching HGTV for hours while we're at school or work.

Is there a polite way to say, "Actually, you ARE in the way"?

GENTLE READER: The drama of your phrasing notwithstanding, Miss Manners infers that you are seeking a solution for the larger dilemma, not a way to further insult your guests: Metaphorically speaking, you would prefer to avoid the fiery crash altogether, rather than learn what to do after the collision.

Sensible people, like defensive drivers, avoid predictable hazards. Your relatives promised not to be any trouble, only to later swerve into expecting you to play host. You did not believe them when they said it, but it does not excuse your being an absent host.

You did not have to invite them to stay, but, once you did, etiquette required that you clear some time for them. More generally, if you never slow down, you cannot really expect to take in any of the sights -- meaning, have an actual relationship with your relatives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I get numerous calls on my personal cellphone, and often am not available to answer. If someone in my contact list calls me and I do not answer, should I call them back, even if they do not leave me a message asking me to do so?

GENTLE READER: Not knowing who called or how you feel about speaking with them, Miss Manners cannot say if you should call them back, only that etiquette does not require that you do so.

She is aware of the argument that this is inefficient. But she suspects that those making it are more concerned with the few seconds they will spend explaining themselves to your voicemail than with the time the recipient will lose deciding whether the call was pressing or of the I-was-in-the-car-and-had-time-to-kill variety.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an attorney for whom writing was a well-honed craft for 30 years. I am now retired and enjoy commenting on stories in the newspapers.

My comments are not shoot-from-the-hip affairs. Rather, I carefully craft and refine them to make sure they are insightful, pithy and have the perfect comedic ratio. I place a premium on economy and cleverness.

So it chaps my proverbial hide when people reply to my comments in ways that not only do not enhance or improve but, by their pedestrian nature, actually detract from the feng shui of my thoughtfully crafted comment. I am tempted to respond, "If you don't have anything clever to say, don't say anything at all." What do you think?

GENTLE READER: You will forgive Miss Manners for smiling sadly at the idea that you or she can reform public discourse.

The ability to criticize others instantly and anonymously does not bring out the best in the public. So perhaps that is not the place to look for careful writing or thought.

Still, she admires your setting an example, and only quarrels with your temptation to snap back. Isn't facile public taunting what you oppose?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely tell people, in a note in this year's Christmas cards, that I will not be sending cards after this year? I make my own cards, and the cost, time and effort are just too much.

GENTLE READER: "Sending you this card was a strain on my finances, schedule and strength. So Merry Christmas for the last time."

That, in effect, is what you would be saying, however it was worded. Next year, do as you like -- send cheaper and easier greetings or none at all. But Miss Manners does not condone negative courtesies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to encourage those who would normally give you gifts at the holidays to give to a charity instead?

I've assembled the list of charities that I plan to give to this year, and I would much prefer that my friends and family give to one of these, or one of their own choosing, than to purchase something for me. I haven't been able to come up with a way of expressing my wishes without sounding like I'm presuming that I'll get a gift.

If it makes any difference, I generally only exchange gifts with my very closest friends and immediate family.

GENTLE READER: It seems like a noble gesture -- thinking of charities instead of oneself. Bridal couples and those celebrating birthdays have been known to suggest this to those from whom they expect presents.

The problem Miss Manners has with this is that they are being noble with money that does not belong to them. Even when presents are expected, giving them is still voluntary -- as is selecting them, despite all those registries and wish lists.

What you can suggest to your intimates is, "Let's all give to charity instead of exchanging presents."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a grown child who has moved out of their childhood home returns to visit, how much are they considered a "guest" and how much should they be expected to pitch in to the daily tasks of running a household?

GENTLE READER: Yes, you can tell your adult child to clean up that mess.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)