DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter, age 28, lives in the same town as her father and me. She comes over for dinner every couple of weeks and usually asks to bring her boyfriend, Doug, age 29.

No matter what meals I have served, Doug has never said anything complimentary about the food and has never even thanked me for the meal. Otherwise, he seems to be a nice young man.

I've tried to raise my daughter with proper manners and I believe she knows better than this. I've tried giving her hints, but either she didn't get the hint or didn't say anything to Doug about it.

Should I tell her exactly how I feel about this? But then Doug might feel required to compliment my cooking (or at least thank me for the food), and it will be false and insincere. Another possibility is that my daughter will feel offended on Doug's behalf. I won't even mention Doug's table manners, as I'm sure that would set her off.

How would you recommend handling this?

GENTLE READER: Let us all divest ourselves of the idea that manners has anything to do with obeying one's natural tendencies. This young man has already shown you his, and you do not care for them.

Therefore Miss Manners believes that the fear that telling your daughter will cause him to act insincerely is an unreasonable one.

Fortunately, the situation may easily be manipulated. Miss Manners suggests that you ask your daughter if Doug has specific food preferences, since he does not seem to enjoy your cooking and you want to please him. This will, in turn, prompt your daughter to nudge him to say something nice at the next meal -- for her sake, at least.

When he does so, you must accept it, no matter how false and insincere it may seem. If he sticks around, he will get better at it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several Thanksgivings ago, we were shopping in a really busy grocery store. A woman ahead of us had parked a near-empty cart in the checkout line, and was running back and forth adding items to it. The rest of us had finished our shopping and were waiting with our full carts.

She disappeared for quite a while at one point, and the line was moving, so we moved her cart out of the way and moved up towards the checkout. She came back and began screaming at us for moving her cart, being loud and abusive about how we had tried to steal her spot in line. She barged back in front of us and checked out.

Is it OK to "save" a checkout line spot and then do your shopping? It seemed to us to be pretty entitled.

GENTLE READER: Spot-saving in checkout lines must properly be confined to the quick retrieval of one item in close proximity, with no chance of the line ending before your return. Miss Manners assures you that you and your line-mates were not the ones ... ahem ... out of line. The screamy lady was.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were shopping at a local farmer's market and I had just placed my order at the butcher counter. My teen daughter was standing next to me and opted to move out of the area to make more room for others.

As she turned, there was an older woman immediately behind her, so close that my daughter had only started to turn when her shoulder bumped against this woman and caused her to lose her balance. My daughter quickly steadied her at the shoulders, apologized several times and asked if she was OK.

The woman glared hard at her, brushed off the front of her shirt as though my daughter had spilled something on her (my daughter was holding nothing) and huffed, but did not say anything. She then proceeded to walk over to a companion and declare loudly how "that young lady tried to run me over." Both of them glared pointedly at her until we were able to complete our order and leave the area.

Was there something else my daughter or I should have done? I believe my daughter handled the situation appropriately, and I told her so. However, she was quite distressed at the treatment this woman gave her and was worried that her action was somehow more terrible than the small accident that it was.

The mama bear in me wanted to say something to the woman, but I'm also a firm believer in not being rude just because someone else is.

GENTLE READER: The lessons for your daughter to learn are those you are already teaching her: that not everyone is polite, but that we do not return rudeness with more rudeness. You may tell her that Miss Manners knows she handled the situation well -- and that everyone within earshot was on her side.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a new way of timing weddings and receptions? I have been invited to several weddings where the ceremony is at 2 p.m., but the reception is at 5 p.m., leaving three hours in between.

The ceremonies only last around 30 minutes and the reception locations are not far away (perhaps 20 minutes). What are the guests supposed to do during this long interval? Also, many of these weddings state "black tie optional," so are we supposed to stay in our fancy clothes until the reception, or go home and change?

In the past, the reception was right after the ceremony. Am I old-fashioned? Is this a new trend?

GENTLE READER: Which trend are you thinking of? Deciding that the venues (which were only available at 2 p.m. and 5 p.m.) are more important than the guests? Summoning friends and family at the whim of the wedding photographer while everyone else stands around? Holding a black-tie event before sundown?

No, none of those trends are new -- nor do they fulfill the requirement of hosts to consider the convenience of their guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both work, and we have school-aged children involved in various activities. There are times when we go several days seeing each other only in bits and pieces of time. It is hectic, but we love it!

We also have a lot of extended family who live in other states. It is very hard to find a time when we can visit them, which is unfortunate. When they come here, they always want visits to last for several days to make it worth the trip. We only stay a night or two when we visit them.

I don't know how to politely decline offers to visit us. If we tell them a time is not good because of other obligations, they will say things like, "You don't have to entertain us!" or "I won't be in the way, I promise!"

We have tried letting it happen, but there are always requests for us to change our schedule because they had traveled so far. Sometimes we do, and then the kids get annoyed that they are missing their activities. During things we can't skip, we end up having people just sitting in our house without us, watching HGTV for hours while we're at school or work.

Is there a polite way to say, "Actually, you ARE in the way"?

GENTLE READER: The drama of your phrasing notwithstanding, Miss Manners infers that you are seeking a solution for the larger dilemma, not a way to further insult your guests: Metaphorically speaking, you would prefer to avoid the fiery crash altogether, rather than learn what to do after the collision.

Sensible people, like defensive drivers, avoid predictable hazards. Your relatives promised not to be any trouble, only to later swerve into expecting you to play host. You did not believe them when they said it, but it does not excuse your being an absent host.

You did not have to invite them to stay, but, once you did, etiquette required that you clear some time for them. More generally, if you never slow down, you cannot really expect to take in any of the sights -- meaning, have an actual relationship with your relatives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I get numerous calls on my personal cellphone, and often am not available to answer. If someone in my contact list calls me and I do not answer, should I call them back, even if they do not leave me a message asking me to do so?

GENTLE READER: Not knowing who called or how you feel about speaking with them, Miss Manners cannot say if you should call them back, only that etiquette does not require that you do so.

She is aware of the argument that this is inefficient. But she suspects that those making it are more concerned with the few seconds they will spend explaining themselves to your voicemail than with the time the recipient will lose deciding whether the call was pressing or of the I-was-in-the-car-and-had-time-to-kill variety.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)