DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a birthday celebration for a 1-year-old at which the honoree was presented with a lovely cake, obviously special-ordered, on his tray. The parents gently guided his hands to the cake and then the assembled guests "oohed" and "aahed" as he progressively destroyed it.

Most of the other attendees were laughing and videoing the performance. Was I queasy observing this simply because I am a baby boomer, irredeemably influenced by my Depression-era parents? Is this some sort of trend?

GENTLE READER: Yes, and it even has an equally offensive name: a "smash cake."

What likely started with one innocent parent offering a baby a first taste of cake -- to comically messy effect -- quickly became a viral trend. And now everyone thinks it is required.

Miss Manners is here to tell you it is not -- and would have thought that, especially with inflation and a recession looming, this made-up tradition would have lost its (negligible, if not nonexistent) charm. As it stands, it gives other countries yet another reason to deplore us.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After assisting a casual friend with an online application, she thanked me with a gift of a clutch wallet that she bought during a recent international vacation. I am always happy to help people, and do so without expectation of compensation.

This clutch is from a popular designer. I looked it up and found that it retails at nearly $1,000. Thinking it might be a knockoff, my husband and I checked several online sources, but the wallet does not have any of the telltale signs we read about.

A knockoff wallet valued at maybe $20 would be an appropriate gift, and I would put it to practical use ASAP. But if it's an original, I find it uncomfortably excessive and would prefer to sell it. (I would replace it with a lookalike just in case she saw me use it sometime.)

I don't assign any value whatsoever to designer things, but I know this friend does. She is quite status-conscious while I happily walk around with my $15 bag. It would make me sick to wear out a high-dollar wallet the way I use my daily stuff.

A $20 gift card would have thrilled me, but I feel anxious about this gift. Should I continue to investigate the wallet's value, or just use it the way I use the same old one I've had for years?

GENTLE READER: You really want that $20 credit, don't you?

You mentioned that your acquaintance bought the wallet while on vacation. Perhaps she did not want it anymore and considered it a casual regift, rather than a valuable present?

Regardless, the wallet is now yours and Miss Manners assures you that you may do with it what you want. Which seems to be endlessly researching its value and wishing it were $20 instead.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter, age 28, lives in the same town as her father and me. She comes over for dinner every couple of weeks and usually asks to bring her boyfriend, Doug, age 29.

No matter what meals I have served, Doug has never said anything complimentary about the food and has never even thanked me for the meal. Otherwise, he seems to be a nice young man.

I've tried to raise my daughter with proper manners and I believe she knows better than this. I've tried giving her hints, but either she didn't get the hint or didn't say anything to Doug about it.

Should I tell her exactly how I feel about this? But then Doug might feel required to compliment my cooking (or at least thank me for the food), and it will be false and insincere. Another possibility is that my daughter will feel offended on Doug's behalf. I won't even mention Doug's table manners, as I'm sure that would set her off.

How would you recommend handling this?

GENTLE READER: Let us all divest ourselves of the idea that manners has anything to do with obeying one's natural tendencies. This young man has already shown you his, and you do not care for them.

Therefore Miss Manners believes that the fear that telling your daughter will cause him to act insincerely is an unreasonable one.

Fortunately, the situation may easily be manipulated. Miss Manners suggests that you ask your daughter if Doug has specific food preferences, since he does not seem to enjoy your cooking and you want to please him. This will, in turn, prompt your daughter to nudge him to say something nice at the next meal -- for her sake, at least.

When he does so, you must accept it, no matter how false and insincere it may seem. If he sticks around, he will get better at it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several Thanksgivings ago, we were shopping in a really busy grocery store. A woman ahead of us had parked a near-empty cart in the checkout line, and was running back and forth adding items to it. The rest of us had finished our shopping and were waiting with our full carts.

She disappeared for quite a while at one point, and the line was moving, so we moved her cart out of the way and moved up towards the checkout. She came back and began screaming at us for moving her cart, being loud and abusive about how we had tried to steal her spot in line. She barged back in front of us and checked out.

Is it OK to "save" a checkout line spot and then do your shopping? It seemed to us to be pretty entitled.

GENTLE READER: Spot-saving in checkout lines must properly be confined to the quick retrieval of one item in close proximity, with no chance of the line ending before your return. Miss Manners assures you that you and your line-mates were not the ones ... ahem ... out of line. The screamy lady was.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were shopping at a local farmer's market and I had just placed my order at the butcher counter. My teen daughter was standing next to me and opted to move out of the area to make more room for others.

As she turned, there was an older woman immediately behind her, so close that my daughter had only started to turn when her shoulder bumped against this woman and caused her to lose her balance. My daughter quickly steadied her at the shoulders, apologized several times and asked if she was OK.

The woman glared hard at her, brushed off the front of her shirt as though my daughter had spilled something on her (my daughter was holding nothing) and huffed, but did not say anything. She then proceeded to walk over to a companion and declare loudly how "that young lady tried to run me over." Both of them glared pointedly at her until we were able to complete our order and leave the area.

Was there something else my daughter or I should have done? I believe my daughter handled the situation appropriately, and I told her so. However, she was quite distressed at the treatment this woman gave her and was worried that her action was somehow more terrible than the small accident that it was.

The mama bear in me wanted to say something to the woman, but I'm also a firm believer in not being rude just because someone else is.

GENTLE READER: The lessons for your daughter to learn are those you are already teaching her: that not everyone is polite, but that we do not return rudeness with more rudeness. You may tell her that Miss Manners knows she handled the situation well -- and that everyone within earshot was on her side.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a new way of timing weddings and receptions? I have been invited to several weddings where the ceremony is at 2 p.m., but the reception is at 5 p.m., leaving three hours in between.

The ceremonies only last around 30 minutes and the reception locations are not far away (perhaps 20 minutes). What are the guests supposed to do during this long interval? Also, many of these weddings state "black tie optional," so are we supposed to stay in our fancy clothes until the reception, or go home and change?

In the past, the reception was right after the ceremony. Am I old-fashioned? Is this a new trend?

GENTLE READER: Which trend are you thinking of? Deciding that the venues (which were only available at 2 p.m. and 5 p.m.) are more important than the guests? Summoning friends and family at the whim of the wedding photographer while everyone else stands around? Holding a black-tie event before sundown?

No, none of those trends are new -- nor do they fulfill the requirement of hosts to consider the convenience of their guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)