DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, a prominent man in my industry was in town, and in a position to work with me. It would have been a career-making opportunity -- and, to be frank, he was influential enough to damage my career, as well, if he so chose.

He explained that he would be otherwise occupied all day and could only meet me at his hotel -- after 10 p.m. He would be leaving the following day, so he could only see me then, face to face, to discuss working together.

I was understandably reluctant, yet he insisted the meeting could only be at his hotel. This seemed like something of a red flag. I could not find someone to accompany me, and my friends all urged me not to go under the circumstances. I ended up declining, and have always had some painful feelings about it. My discomfort with being placed in that position tainted what limited interactions we had after that.

Even if the visit had been uneventful, he's a married man, and had we been seen together at that time of night at his hotel, it would have led to speculation and done harm to both our professional reputations. If we had met previously, or if there had not been such a massive power gap, I could possibly see taking that meeting. But with a man I had never met, it seemed like a very bad idea.

Was this a normal, reasonable thing to ask, and I was simply being a prude? Should I have gone?

GENTLE READER: Do you not read the news? Or are you basing this scenario on a notorious case that happened to someone else?

Miss Manners assures you that whatever pain one could feel about this missed opportunity would be nothing compared to the negative feelings had the situation been taken advantage of.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At holiday gatherings, I often see a relative with whom I have an uneasy relationship. I am striving to make things friendlier between us.

Frequently, when I say something that I think is innocuous, such as, "There is an exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum in New York," he immediately fires back with, "I know where the Metropolitan Museum is!" as if I had insulted his intelligence.

First, how can I keep a know-it-all watch on myself, so that I avoid every appearance of condescension? And second, how can I respond to him in the manner most likely to mollify his feelings?

GENTLE READER: Your relative is indulging in what is known as insult collecting: searching for insult where obviously none was intended. Some people are quite skilled at this, and can turn the most innocuous remarks into a grievance.

But you know that. You also know that censoring yourself will not help; the merest pleasantry can be taken for sarcasm.

So you should be bracing yourself to say, "Of course you know more about museums than I do, but I just wanted to be clear. Are there other Metropolitan Museums in the world"?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For nearly 29 years, my wife and I have held a Christmas dinner party for the four men who were in our wedding party, along with their wives. It has become a tradition that we have been told is the highlight of the holiday season for our friends.

Here's the problem. One of these couples has never invited us to their home. Another hasn't had us over for 15 years, and a third couple, not for seven years. The fourth couple knows what reciprocating means.

Last year we got fed up and didn't have the party. When these friends asked us why, we attributed it to some health problems my wife had had. Another year has gone by, and the situation hasn't changed.

We're no longer going to invite people over who never return the invitation.

What's an appropriate response when I'm asked why we're not having the party? The truth would make us sound like we were begging for invitations. These are old friends, but evidently no longer close ones. Should I simply say we're too busy, or is there a gracious way to let people know they have been a big disappointment?

GENTLE READER: Actually, you have done it. If only you hadn't undercut it by claiming health reasons. You could have said, "We hadn't seen you all year, so we didn't think you would be interested in continuing."

A common hazard in connection with annual parties is that guests begin to think that the normal mutual obligations between hosts and guests do not apply. Miss Manners knows that many people think that anyway, but it is especially so when the event seems to be a tradition of the hosts that the guests feel they help them stage just by being there.

Also, as you have found out, they consider that their place on your guest list is good for every year. A gentleman of Miss Manners' acquaintance used to give a splendid New Year's Eve ball, and one year, when he did not send invitations because he was out of town, the person watching his house told him that 40 people had shown up.

So her advice to those who are kind and hospitable enough to give annual parties is to vary them a bit from year to year -- or perhaps skip a year now and then.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here's a pet peeve I have when giving Christmas gifts. So often the response is along the lines of, "OMG, I didn't get you a gift."

I hate that. I give gifts because I want to, and I have no expectation of something in return. I hate the idea that my main accomplishment is to put a guilt trip on the other person.

Although I have no problem telling people this, I wish they would just say "Thank you, that's very thoughtful" right away. If you agree with me, perhaps a comment from you could help spread the message.

GENTLE READER: Sure. But Miss Manners also values this as an example of how a perfectly proper and inevitable thought can become improper when it is said aloud. The gracious recipient will shut up after thanking the donor, and only make a private note of looking for a chance to reciprocate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a birthday celebration for a 1-year-old at which the honoree was presented with a lovely cake, obviously special-ordered, on his tray. The parents gently guided his hands to the cake and then the assembled guests "oohed" and "aahed" as he progressively destroyed it.

Most of the other attendees were laughing and videoing the performance. Was I queasy observing this simply because I am a baby boomer, irredeemably influenced by my Depression-era parents? Is this some sort of trend?

GENTLE READER: Yes, and it even has an equally offensive name: a "smash cake."

What likely started with one innocent parent offering a baby a first taste of cake -- to comically messy effect -- quickly became a viral trend. And now everyone thinks it is required.

Miss Manners is here to tell you it is not -- and would have thought that, especially with inflation and a recession looming, this made-up tradition would have lost its (negligible, if not nonexistent) charm. As it stands, it gives other countries yet another reason to deplore us.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After assisting a casual friend with an online application, she thanked me with a gift of a clutch wallet that she bought during a recent international vacation. I am always happy to help people, and do so without expectation of compensation.

This clutch is from a popular designer. I looked it up and found that it retails at nearly $1,000. Thinking it might be a knockoff, my husband and I checked several online sources, but the wallet does not have any of the telltale signs we read about.

A knockoff wallet valued at maybe $20 would be an appropriate gift, and I would put it to practical use ASAP. But if it's an original, I find it uncomfortably excessive and would prefer to sell it. (I would replace it with a lookalike just in case she saw me use it sometime.)

I don't assign any value whatsoever to designer things, but I know this friend does. She is quite status-conscious while I happily walk around with my $15 bag. It would make me sick to wear out a high-dollar wallet the way I use my daily stuff.

A $20 gift card would have thrilled me, but I feel anxious about this gift. Should I continue to investigate the wallet's value, or just use it the way I use the same old one I've had for years?

GENTLE READER: You really want that $20 credit, don't you?

You mentioned that your acquaintance bought the wallet while on vacation. Perhaps she did not want it anymore and considered it a casual regift, rather than a valuable present?

Regardless, the wallet is now yours and Miss Manners assures you that you may do with it what you want. Which seems to be endlessly researching its value and wishing it were $20 instead.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)