DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I host a dinner party and a guest presents me with a bottle of wine upon arrival, am I to assume this is a gift for later, or an offering for the dinner that evening?

Do I open it and present it as a beverage option along with the wine(s) I've selected for the meal, or do I set it to the side for a future use?

GENTLE READER: Time was, bringing a bottle of wine to a dinner party was considered somewhat insulting, as if the guest could not count on the host to serve a decent wine.

For all Miss Manners knows, that may still motivate some guests, although the practice has become common to the point of being unexceptionable.

Nevertheless, it should be considered a present and not a contribution to the meal. It may not be a good choice with the food being served, for one thing. And typically, people bring one bottle -- which is fine for a present, but may not be enough to serve the number of guests.

So the answer is that you may serve it if you like, but are not obligated to do so -- in which case, add to your thanks that you will look forward to enjoying it later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a friend ask where I had purchased a gift so she could return it. When the store wasn't in her area, she asked if I would return it for her.

It wasn't the wrong size, and she didn't already have one. I genuinely thought she would like it, and my feelings were hurt.

When giving gifts, I try to give something that I think the person will like. When receiving a gift, even if it isn't what I would have chosen for myself, I always thank the person and make a point to try to really enjoy it.

Gift receipts are great, but not all stores offer them. For this person, I guess I'll be buying gift certificates in the future. But really, gift-giving isn't a financial exchange; it's the happy thoughts that matter, isn't it?

GENTLE READER: Well, it was. Nowadays, many people seem to think it is an opportunity to order things without having to pay for them, and being able to return them if they do not suit.

A gift certificate is not what Miss Manners would suggest on the next occasion for getting this ungrateful person a present. Rather, it would be a letter humbly acknowledging that your guesses at pleasing your friend have failed, so you can only send your warmest wishes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is a text acknowledgement required for birthday or anniversary cards received in the mail? My parents always send me a text thanking me for cards, and expect me to do the same. I thought thank-you notes were only required for gifts.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not require thanks for cards unless they contain personal letters. Your parents, however, do. Miss Manners would consider it the wiser course to go with your parents' wishes rather than argue with them about rules.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I went to a concert with two other couples. My husband is friends with both of the men, but I barely know one of the women, and don't know the other at all. I happen to be friends of both of the men's ex-wives.

At the concert, the women decided to snub me. They did not sit with me. They didn't tag me in any photos they took, and they also took a picture of my husband and tagged him as being with them at the show. They posted things on social media with everyone's name included except mine -- you can see me in their picture, sitting there like I'm just one of the crowd.

When you are around two other women who are obviously friends and you don't know them both well, is it your responsibility to engage them in conversation? Or should they engage the odd woman out and make her feel welcome?

GENTLE READER: Your fusion of in-person and online behavior is making Miss Manners' head spin. She notices that you are more concerned with not being identified on social media than with being snubbed in person. She will deal only with the latter.

Yes, ordinarily, those in a friendly group should welcome a stranger, and they should have done so. But surely you guessed that these ladies were wary of someone known to be friendly with their predecessors.

For your part, what stopped you from showing that you were prepared to be friendly?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend whom I have known for half a century is dreading her upcoming 70th birthday. For the record, she also moaned about her 50th and 60th birthdays.

I happen to think milestone birthdays are worthy of celebration. I recently sent her an email letting her know a gift and card, both thoughtfully selected by me, would be arriving shortly.

Her reply: "So sweet of you to do, but I refuse to acknowledge this birthday!"

I had also planned to order flowers for her, but I am now rethinking this, given her passive-aggressive response to my earlier message. Am I being churlish?

GENTLE READER: Whom are you calling passive-aggressive?

If that is how you characterize someone who politely reiterates her wishes, which you have deliberately defied, what would you call someone who pretends to be celebrating a friend while insisting upon doing what clearly annoys her?

Are you seriously asking Miss Manners whether you should persist?

No. Please cut it out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there etiquette guidelines involving the groom's pre-wedding party? My best friend will be my best man, and his wife is also a dear friend of mine. She was thrilled to be asked to be a groomswoman.

However, should I invite her to my bachelor party? Her husband and the rest of the groomsmen will be attending, but I am unsure. My understanding was that these parties are gender-specific.

GENTLE READER: Wedding parties also used to be strictly gender-specific, because it was assumed that nonromantic friendships between the genders did not exist.

As you are enlightened enough to know how ridiculous this was, Miss Manners hopes that you are also enlightened enough to hold a bachelor party suitable for all your attendants.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a spat with my wife, I brought home a bouquet of flowers as a peace offering. She thanked me and set them aside.

After a couple of hours, I noticed that the flowers were still on the counter, and asked why they weren't in a vase. She said it was my responsibility to put them in a vase to complete the gesture. I told her I thought she should put them in a vase to show her appreciation.

Which is it? When giving a bouquet of flowers, does the giver have to put them in a vase to complete the gift?

On a similar note, my wife says that for birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries or Mother's Day, flowers have to be delivered by a florist to count as thoughtful. I think handing someone flowers, or having them waiting in a vase on a table, also shows thought.

GENTLE READER: With all due respect to your wife, Miss Manners thinks she has some very specific and peculiar ideas about what constitutes thoughtfulness in flower giving.

Does she think that people who bring them to dinner parties should rifle through their hosts' cabinets to find a vase? Granted, this can be an awkward task for a busy host, but certainly that is not the solution. And bringing flowers oneself is definitely more personal and thoughtful than having a florist deliver them. The accompanying note is so often mistaken for the receipt -- or suspiciously composed in a stranger's handwriting.

But Miss Manners certainly does not wish to start another argument -- if only because the apology protocol would be far too complicated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter's bridesmaids were preparing to throw her a bridal shower when a relative from the groom's side offered to throw the event herself at her home. She has a rather large house, suitable for big parties, and we've been told she enjoys hosting such events.

Before we knew it, the bridal shower turned into a co-ed wedding shower. The hostess has now attempted to assign the female members of the bridal party items to bring: all the alcohol, garnishes/juices, games, guest favors and prizes for the game winners. The bridesmaids were shocked to learn that they were also expected to set up, decorate, serve, tear down, wash dishes, etc.

It's not that they don't want to help, but that they weren't asked. There was no communication at all until two weeks prior to the party, when they all received a list of duties and supplies. And the men of the wedding party haven't been asked to lift a finger.

The women have politely responded that they are eager to help, but they made it clear what they would be doing. They assigned themselves the roles they are willing to play for the hostess to work around. Are they right?

GENTLE READER: Impeccably so. Miss Manners concedes that this hostess could change the nature of the party, but then she does not also get to farm out the responsibilities and expenses. That these assignments were also sexist just makes them more unsavory.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)