DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the days when human beings sorted the mail and students were taught to write in beautiful script, a hand-addressed envelope was correct.

But now the beleaguered post office depends on computers to read the addresses. I would prefer to receive a "thank you" note with a computer-generated label than to have it sent to the wrong address because the computer could not read the chicken scratches on the envelope.

This point of etiquette must change. Typed or computer-printed addresses are now the kindest, and the preference of the U.S. Postal Service. If the address is handwritten, some have suggested that the words be printed, not written in longhand, and that only capital letters be used.

GENTLE READER: Even Miss Manners cannot dispute the need for an address to be legible to those responsible for delivering it. The Postal Service does still accept handwritten envelopes, but she sadly acknowledges that this will probably not last -- especially as handwriting is rarely taught properly, or at all.

Personally, she will continue to address letters by hand as long as the service will tolerate it. Knowing the pleasure of a rare letter that is not computer-generated, she hopes those who are able will at least not extend the efficiency argument to anything personal that the envelope contains.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It strikes me as unseemly when people applaud at the kiss during wedding ceremonies. When I watch old movies, I never see that happen. It appears to have started sometime in the '80s or '90s. Applause seems more suited to a performance than to a ceremony.

Am I mistaken that this is a new pattern? Or have people always applauded the kiss in a wedding?

GENTLE READER: No, it only dates from when couples stopped considering their weddings to be serious ceremonies and started thinking of them as opportunities to put on a show starring themselves and done in front of an audience.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I each received an emailed invitation for a New Year's Day brunch at her parents' home. We received this on Dec. 16. We live across the country from her parents and are visiting them for Christmas, from Dec. 22 to Dec. 27.

Given the short time frame and the fact that we are already spending a decent amount of time around the holidays with them, this strikes me as odd. I thought that the e-vite was rude, but my fiancee disagrees. I do not generally receive invitations from family or friends in other parts of the country unless they know that I will be in the area around that time, or that I am considering doing so.

GENTLE READER: You should let this one go. Your fiancee, who presumably can judge her parents' intentions, has told you that they meant well.

Miss Manners doesn't even know your in-laws, but she can think of benign reasons for their invitation: to show you that you would be welcome if you changed your travel arrangements, or to consider you welcome at any family occasion.

In any case, invitations -- unless they are to "go to the devil" -- are not insults.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Three years ago, I adopted a vegan lifestyle; my husband did not, but we've found a way to peacefully coexist. His family knows of the changes in my diet, yet they persist in sending us food gifts I cannot consume.

I've made sure my husband thanks them for these gifts, but I have remained mute about them. I'm a prodigious thank-you note writer, even when I receive something I cannot use or don't like. Should I be thanking the in-laws for the food I can't eat? If so, what should I say?

GENTLE READER: Whether their motive is to taunt you, or merely to give your husband a treat they believe he would not otherwise get, Miss Manners advises you not to acknowledge the challenge. You do not even have to acknowledge the present -- your husband properly does so, as it seems to be intended for him alone.

But perhaps you feel you must address their having "included" you in the gift. In that case, you would write, "Connor asked me to thank you for sending him the side of beef. We both wish you a very happy New Year."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does "Creative Formal" mean on a New Year's Eve party invitation?

GENTLE READER: Probably what we used to mean by "trying too hard."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have hosted a Christmas morning brunch for friends and family for the last 15 years or so. It is my gift back to friends and family for all their support and friendships. Most guests bring a small hostess gift such as a bottle of wine or a candle.

This year, a longtime participant/guest left an envelope with cash, and not an insignificant amount. I am in a quandary as to how to respond, as I feel that cash is not an appropriate hostess gift. Frankly, it makes me uncomfortable.

One thought is giving the money to a charity and letting the guest know I have done so in their name. I would add that the pleasure of their company is all I require for brunch. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Money is so often substituted for presents these days that your guest may not realize how insulting it is to treat your hospitality as a commercial venture. Nevertheless, you should not accept this premise.

Donating the money, laudable as that may be, does not make the point; it only accepts the idea that the payment is legitimate, and that you can use it as you choose. Miss Manners advises you to return it with the explanation that you cannot accept the money, as this person was your guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Suppose a person verbally expresses how much they like a gift, how they will enjoy using it, etc., but never actually says the words "thank you." Is this considered inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: When the intent is obviously to convey the essence of gratitude, rather than the formula? No, it is not wrong. However, Miss Manners does consider it unseemly to invent technical reasons to quarrel with expressions of goodwill.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Some months ago, we invited my colleague X to our wedding. I have never been very close with X, but several others at my job are, so X got an invite. That was our first mistake.

Since that time, X had an altercation on the job that resulted in termination. Being very vocal and dramatic, X is now taking legal action. No one at work, least of all myself, supported X's position. Now, several guests have expressed discomfort at attending my wedding if X will be present, and they are considering backing out.

It seems I have three options to avoid drama -- at least at the wedding. 1. Uninvite X, though I see no way that etiquette provides for this; 2. Send X a polite missive allowing a graceful exit, with perhaps a veiled warning about topics to be avoided should X still decide to attend; and 3. Place X at a table distant from anyone from the workplace and hope for the best. Thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Option 3. And Miss Manners suggests the children's table, where X's drama and potential altercations will be met in kind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We were invited to a party personally over the phone, then we were told not to come by the same person (again over the phone).

Is this ever OK? No, nothing nefarious happened between these phone calls.

GENTLE READER: Did something nefarious happen to the hosts? This would be the only polite reason for canceling on you: if they were unable to hold the party at all.

A second explanation might be a change in their requirements for admittance. New COVID-19 variants or safety recommendations might cause them to disinvite guests who do not meet the criteria. Either way, it should be clearly, politely and equitably communicated.

Do not, Miss Manners warns, confuse this with the rule about guests not needing an excuse for declining invitations in advance. Hosts are certainly required to give one for rescinding after the fact -- and a good one, at that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)