DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it true that people now think it's rude if you call them on the phone? That you're only supposed to text?

What are those things everyone carries around and can't take their eyes off, even when you're trying to talk to them face to face -- aren't those phones? And we're not supposed to use them to make phone calls?

I'm told not to call people because it scares them -- really? It scares them? They scare kind of easy, don't they? -- or because a call might catch them at a bad time. Well, then they don't need to pick up.

How am I supposed to reach anyone? I might need the answer to a question. I might want to chat with a friend. I might be warning them that their house is on fire, and they hadn't noticed because they're too busy playing with -- guess what? -- their phone.

It's time to spread the word that it's NOT RUDE to use a phone to make phone calls.

GENTLE READER: There is a bit of a problem with that.

Long, long ago, before the advent of the cellular telephone, Miss Manners declared the telephone to be a rude instrument. It demands that you drop everything and attend to it immediately.

The introduction of the answering machine only partially solved this problem. People -- maybe you? -- were trying to declare it rude not to answer every ring, and therefore to force callers to leave messages. Some of them were known to yell "I know you're there!" into the answering machine.

Miss Manners did not want to abolish the telephone, but merely to tame it so that it wouldn't go around screaming at people who were minding their own business. The answering machine, which evolved into built-in message systems, was one way to do that. But although it was nonintrusive, it was not immediate. Not to mention that it inspired a lot of corny, time-wasting humor.

So an instant written messaging system strikes Miss Manners as useful. It does not preclude your telephoning those who you have reason to suspect will be happy to hear from you. And that includes anyone sitting obliviously in a burning house.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As the father of two girls, I am well trained to leave the toilet seat down every time in my house. At this point, it strikes me as impolite to do otherwise.

In a public bathroom, the toilet seat is often up when I enter. What is my obligation here? I don't really want to touch it, but don't want to be rude to the next user.

GENTLE READER: Wait -- aren't you using the gentlemen's public facilities? So the next person is unlikely to be one of your daughters, nor others of their persuasion.

Never mind. You have developed a good habit, and Miss Manners does not want to weaken it with exceptions. Nor does she expect you to expose your hands to other people's waste.

But perhaps you might have noticed a roll of paper right there within easy reach? And that some of it might let you lower the seat without touching it?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 6-year-old daughter is a second-year dance student at a noncompetitive dance studio. She had taken ballet her first year, but said this year she wanted to try tap. I was thrilled she wanted to do something new, because I encourage her and my son to try new activities whenever possible.

I was also somewhat saddened that she did not wish to take ballet again -- I find ballet to be very beautiful and really loved to watch her -- but I did not press the issue because I want her to make her own choice. Not having been the dance type when I was young, I thought it would be interesting if the dance studio offered an adult ballet class! I posed the idea to the owner.

Meanwhile, my daughter decided to take up ballet again this season, after she found that one of her friends was doing so. I'm ecstatic and have been loving seeing her take both classes and enjoy her time with her dance friends!

Just today I learned the studio is gauging interest in an adult ballet class. I would love to take the class, but I am afraid that if I do, it will look like I'm trying to "compete" with my daughter, or somehow overshadow what I consider to be her activity. I don't want to encroach on her hobby by doing it myself, especially if we were both in the same spring recital.

GENTLE READER: You have a short window of time before your daughter starts to think everything you do is embarrassing. Miss Manners recommends that you enjoy yourself now while you do not have to hear about it.

She further suspects that if the adult class is gaining interest, it will likely include other parents who are looking for something to do while their children are in class (or if that is not the proposed scheduling, it should be).

If your daughter does take issue with it, you can point out that your choices are not to be predicated on hers. But if, more likely, you are worried about what the other parents will think, stop it. Miss Manners does not participate in that kind of embarrassment or catering to speculated motives -- and she heartily recommends others not do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When picking a date to celebrate a milestone anniversary or birthday, should you choose a day after the actual date of said birthday or anniversary? Or is celebrating before the actual date OK?

Say your husband turns 50 in October but you would like to give the party Labor Day weekend. Is that acceptable, or does the celebration have to fall after the actual event?

GENTLE READER: While it utterly confuses Miss Manners that we rarely celebrate holidays on their actual dates -- even when the name of the holiday is the actual date -- the same reasoning, she supposes, goes into picking times to commemorate birthdays. Having the next day off or doing it at the convenience of most guests makes sense; before or after is of no consequence.

Just be prepared for some lively banter when everyone inevitably asks, "When is your actual birthday?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently moved in with my partner, who has had the same cleaning lady for 15 years. I thought she was quite nice and we got on well at first.

Then she started making subtle comments about my level of cleanliness, which I ignored. We are not dirty people, but it just doesn't matter to me or my partner if laundry sits in an unused room for three days before it gets folded. To be honest, he would leave it alone and pull clean clothes from that pile all week.

She has been making more passive-aggressive remarks to me, not him, as we go on. Today she explained that her grandma taught her that a woman who doesn't keep a clean house is mentally unstable. She teaches her children this, as well.

I was shocked, and I told her that was an awful thing to say. I'm pretty fed up and want to address this next time she comes. Should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: Have you discussed this with your partner? It seems to Miss Manners that he might be the better one to have this chat with the cleaning lady -- if for no other reason than the fact that her sexist proclivity might make her more apt to listen to him.

But regardless of the outcome, you would do well to leave the house any time it is being cleaned. Or maybe that was this woman's plan all along, so that she could finally fold and put away that looming pile of laundry without objection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on the wisdom or folly of gently informing a fellow driver that they have just parked their car so as to take up two spaces?

GENTLE READER: That anyone who is shameless enough to take up two parking spaces is not likely going to be open to feedback, however gentle it may be.

Sadly, and for your own safety, Miss Manners suggests you fume in silence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law sent us a text message with an invitation, which I assume she took a picture of, for her husband's 70th birthday celebration.

I have sent many, many invitations in the past. I have spent a lot of time preparing them so they look nice and appropriate, then gathering mailing addresses (or email addresses) before sending them out in the mail (or electronically). I always want my guests to feel important when they get an invitation.

However, receiving an invitation by text does not sit well with me, and it makes me feel unimportant. It is NOT pleasing.

What do you think of this? I am thinking of emailing her with a proper response, rather than sending a text message.

GENTLE READER: Or you could go hog wild and write the letter by hand. That'll teach 'er!

Miss Manners supposes that this is a good example of the passive-aggressive advice she is often accused of dispensing. But if it gives you satisfaction and does not openly insult the invitation issuer -- confusing her is perfectly all right -- then she sees nothing wrong with it. Just do not be surprised when your sister-in-law ignores any handwritten invitations and coerces you into sending text reminders anyway.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)