DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a cute storage rack in my guest bathroom that holds hand soap and a stack of paper towels. But more often than not, guests will use the bath towels hanging on the towel bar instead. I’ve even pulled the rack closer to the sink and put a used paper towel in the trash.

Any other suggestions to let them know that these are not for show, but to use?

GENTLE READER: Sadly, no. Miss Manners is embarrassed to say that getting guests to use the guest towels is the Great Unsolvable Etiquette Problem.

Whatever tactic parents use to bar their children from using the guest towels, it is infinitely more effective than their instructions to answer invitations, thank benefactors and eat in a manner that does not disgust others at the table.

You can remove the bath towels, but then guests will just wipe their hands on their clothes. Or worse, emerge unwashed.

The only people whose guest towels are used are those who are annoyed about it, fancying that people should recognize that the towels are of such artistic value as to be clearly only for decoration. It is hard to say which is sillier: thinking that your towels form an art collection or that they are too good for your guests.

Pathetically, Miss Manners can only suggest that you call out “I’ve put towels in there for you” to any guest who walks toward the powder room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in the Northeast, where snowstorms are commonplace. Both of us are fortunate to have jobs that generally close in bad weather, so we have time to clear snow at our leisure.

A friend of ours has grandparents who live in our neighborhood. They are relatively recent immigrants from a warm climate, and we have taken to shoveling their driveway and walkways whenever the weather warrants it. This friend's whole family has been very kind to us over the years, and I know they worry about these grandparents being too far away to reach easily in an emergency.

The problem is that whenever we shovel for them, they insist on feeding us until we’re bursting at the seams, and then sending us home with enough food for several more meals.

Because of a slight language barrier, I’m not sure if we’re adequately conveying that we do not need or expect repayment. All of my grandparents are gone, and we enjoy doing something for this elderly couple and sitting and talking with them for a little while afterwards.

While their gifts of food are appreciated (and delicious!), they are not needed. Is there a gracious way to insist that we do not require such thanks?

GENTLE READER: Had these people offered to pay you, you would be right to be embarrassed, if not actually offended. But they are returning a kind, neighborly gesture with another kind, neighborly gesture.

Graciousness consists not only of doing things for others, but in accepting their efforts to do things for you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We’re at a bit of a loss regarding beach house invitation etiquette. We purchased an eight-bedroom second home with the idea of hosting family, friends and acquaintances throughout the season. We provide 5 p.m. cocktails and casual dinners for anyone wishing to join.

Our idea has been “the more, the merrier” -- many of these people have met previously and get along, plus we truly enjoy seeing everyone together. Most guests seem to enjoy themselves immensely and write lovely notes in our guestbook.

But to our surprise, several people have been unhappy to learn they will not be the only guests in the house with us during their stay. In fact, three couples outright canceled, the week before their visits, upon learning it would not be just the four of us alone!

Mind you, there was no apparent dislike of the other houseguests, just a preference for something more “intimate,” it seems.

We do give thought to this, and generally mention who else might be here when people respond to our invitations. But this can change quite a bit, as family fills in openings or friends ask to visit (which we encourage).

Now we’re wondering: Are we doing something ill-mannered or wrong? Do most people expect, when coordinating a vacation home visit, that they will be the sole guests (or kept apprised of the shifting guest list)?

This latest cancellation conveyed the impression that we’re running an extended frat party for adults.

GENTLE READER: It is your house and you can schedule guests however you wish. But yes, some warning is considerate, if for no other reason than to stop your guests from appearing in their dressing gown in front of strangers.

You might say, “We run a sort of college dorm here, inviting all kinds of interesting people to mix and mingle. I hope that suits you.”

If it does not, your guests may take that as a chance to say they will see you another time. If it does, Miss Manners suggests you emphasize that guests must still be invited, lest they take the opportunity to bring along their own college buddies.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Weeks ago, I had a pretty bad accident in front of my neighbors’ front door. They were outside, and the wife is a former nurse.

They offered to drive me to urgent care, because there was no way I was going to be able to drive myself. I needed about 10 stitches in my hand, so they went grocery shopping while I was getting stitched up, then picked me up when it was done.

On the way home, they stopped by a fast-food place that I’m a fan of, and said, "Order whatever you want; it’s on us."

How do I pay them back?

GENTLE READER: By thanking them profusely in a letter, if not necessarily in chicken nuggets. And by being an exceptionally observant, considerate and helpful neighbor.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely decline a close relative’s offer to bring an appetizer or side dish to our annual large family gathering? His bringing something requires me to take food out of my oven and adjust the temperature to accommodate his heating instructions. It throws off my timing for the whole meal -- for a house full of hungry people -- and causes me no end of stress and aggravation.

The last time, he arrived late, when my meal was pretty much ready to serve. I had to put off serving for over a half-hour to bake and serve his appetizers -- after everyone had been munching on other things for close to an hour.

He puts a lot of time and effort into the food, but he hosts large gatherings of his own, so I can’t imagine he doesn’t realize how disruptive this “help” is for my dinner.

I could suggest he bring something that doesn’t require use of my limited kitchen appliances, but this is his specialty dish and a favorite of the family. I care for this person very much, but the next gathering already has me anxious as to how to decline this offer.

GENTLE READER: You should count yourself lucky, Miss Manners supposes, that your relative is asking. So often guests just show up with complicated dishes and expect to be accommodated.

But as long as he is asking, you may reasonably say, “You are so kind to offer, and your bacon-wrapped filet mignon hors d’oeuvres are delicious, but I’m afraid our oven is simply not equipped to handle cooking them properly with all of the other food we’re serving.

“Why don’t you let us take care of the whole meal this time? Then perhaps we can enjoy your dish at your house next time.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a good response, if any, when a husband tells a woman, “I wish my wife was built like you” -- in front of his wife?

GENTLE READER: “Your wife has a wish or two of her own right now.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Can you please list the requirements of the best man in a wedding? There is only a best man, no groomsmen. It is a fancy destination wedding, and the gentlemen are best friends.

GENTLE READER: Are you asking what the requirements should be, or what they actually will be, particularly given the “fancy destination” part that renders Miss Manners suspicious?

A best man should be trusted not to lose the ring; to calm down the bridegroom if he has a normal amount of jitters (and hatch an escape plan if these become serious); to give a short, inoffensive toast; to dance with (but not seduce) the maid of honor; and generally to not embarrass himself or upstage the bridegroom.

What his duties will likely entail, on the other hand, is to organize and pay for multiple, elaborate destination bachelor parties for people he has never met; to procure weirdly specific, and possibly inappropriate, attire for these events; and to be in a state to embarrass himself in several languages and upstage the bridegroom.

All the while repeating, “What happens at a destination wedding, stays at a destination wedding” far more times than is funny.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)