DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I send thank-you notes to my pre-K religion class students for the Christmas gifts they gave me?

GENTLE READER: Thankfulness and generosity are key parts of most religions. Do you want to teach your young pupils that the latter is not worth noticing and that skipping the former is an option?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a guest at my boyfriend’s house, I spent practically all day making a turkey and all of the trimmings for Christmas dinner. I told him that dinner would be ready at 5 p.m. I called him to come and eat when dinner was ready.

Instead of coming to the table, he made a phone call and talked for almost an hour, ignoring the dinner and me, while the food got cold. He could have made this nonessential call before or after dinner.

When he finally did come to the table, he hurriedly ate, then left to watch TV. I had just started eating, and he left me to eat alone. In this case, what should I have done?

GENTLE READER: You seem to have had more than one turkey at this meal. Miss Manners reminds you that the new year is a good time for a fresh start.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s your take on posting written instructions for guests on how to use the toilet in a private home?

I’ve seen notes about not flushing sanitary pads, notes about lighting a match after you’re finished and, the worst, notes telling male guests to sit down to pee.

I mean, it’s not a truck stop -- shouldn’t these folks trust the adults they’ve invited into their home to know how to use a bathroom?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps not, in which case they might consider a sign in the dining room stating, “Don’t spit on the carpet.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter got married in the country where she now lives. Many family members and friends were unable to attend, and so we held a second reception a few months later at our home in the U.S.

Two family members came to this event, left without saying goodbye and then sent a note a week later. In the note, they did not thank us for our hospitality, but instead scolded us for the food offered, which was not to their liking, complained that neither lunch nor dinner was served (the party was from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.), and protested that there was no wedding cake.

Have the rules changed? I was taught to be a good guest at events, and to write a note afterwards that says, basically, “Thank you for your hospitality. I had a lovely time.” Can you advise me here?

GENTLE READER: It’s odd that victims of rudeness often ask, as you did, whether the rules have changed.

You don’t really think that Miss Manners has nothing better to do than to announce, “It’s now fine to tell your hosts that you hated the food.”

She advises you not to trouble these people with your hospitality again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There seems to be so much growing awareness about the legitimacy of mental health challenges these days. However, my community of friends has left me to spend the holidays alone, repeatedly, despite knowing I live alone, have no family and am trying to cope with depression and anxiety.

I’ve made pretty bold hints, and that hasn’t worked. I know it is not their responsibility to include me, but finding myself alone again this year has been quite rough.

Any strategies to be welcomed to holiday gatherings without reducing myself to begging?

GENTLE READER: No one needs to be alone, especially at the holidays. There are so many organizations that accept volunteers to help others in various ways. It is fine to ask whether there is a small task that you feel you can handle.

That said, Miss Manners agrees that it would be kind of your friends to invite you, and not only on holidays. She hears from single people who feel resentment that they are only invited out of pity.

Friendship involves more than that: It also involves reciprocity. That does not mean that you must entertain them in the same way they entertain you. You could reciprocate with small favors and sincere gratitude. And perhaps you have done that, as you mention having a community of friends.

But friendship also involves understanding your friends’ situations. They may be swamped with other obligations, particularly during the holidays.

Miss Manners noted that you are citing depression and anxiety. You may well feel that the efforts above are beyond you. In that case, the sad truth is that you are indeed dependent on their thinking, “Poor thing, she has nobody; we should probably do something” -- and in competition with their other obligations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, when visiting my grandparents and other relatives, I remember the TV would be turned off when we entered as guests. I remember music playing when we had Christmas parties or other family get-togethers, but the TV was always turned off.

But lately, when visiting friends, relatives and others, I’ve noticed more and more that the TVs are staying on. In many cases, they are not even muted. In my opinion, it is very distracting and, honestly, rude.

Is it rude to have the TV on when guests visit, or am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Overreacting? When you consider how much the noise might annoy guests who are trying to concentrate on their video games or texting conversations?

After the isolation of the first pandemic years, Miss Manners would have thought that the attraction of such gatherings would be interacting with people face-to-face. Why bother to invite guests, or to go out, if you only want to focus on one kind of screen or another?

Of course, Miss Manners does not know your relatives. But surely if they can gather, even once a year, they can talk to one another. If you are not the host, the best you can do is to ask if others will join you in another room, because you are so glad to see them and eager to hear about them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a lawyer, due to the nature of my work and the nature of the law, I’m frequently in the position of having to give unwelcome news to clients. This often results in entirely unwarranted verbal abuse -- a version of shooting the messenger.

While I sympathize with clients’ frustrations, and with personal challenges that may aggravate their responses to a situation, at times it is very difficult to take.

Is it more polite to 1. simply be silent and end the conversation quickly; 2. try to continue explaining, in hopes of advancing a client’s understanding; or 3. object to personal insults as they arise? Or a combination?

It’s perhaps relevant that none of the clients are paying for my time; they are being given free legal assistance. I only mention this to clarify that I have no financial motive to prolong an abusive encounter. But should their difficult life circumstances affect the extent to which I listen to abuse, for the sake of politeness?

GENTLE READER: “I understand that you are frustrated, but I am only relaying the message and trying to help you solve the problem. If you continue like this, I am afraid that I will no longer be able to assist.”

Miss Manners believes this a reasonable reaction, no matter what the financial relationship or hardship. After all, being polite is also free.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last spring, I graduated from college, moved from the Midwest -- where many of my lovely friends and family reside -- to Seattle and started my career in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

Recently, though, my job has required me to move back to Chicago, which is great. I will be very close to many of my aforementioned friends and family members, to whom I have announced this news.

In this process, I’ve been kindly offered housing opportunities by folks looking for a roommate. As much as I love my friends, and as much as I enjoyed having temporary co-habitants in college, I’ve since found that I prefer living alone.

When people ask, I’ve been telling them, “Thank you for the offer! Nothing against you or my previous roommates, but I plan to live by myself.” Is this an acceptable way to respond to these kind offers?

GENTLE READER: If you eliminate the middle phrase “Nothing against," Miss Manners will happily sign off on this response. Much like “No offense,” that phrase is guaranteed to have the opposite effect.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We relocated 900 miles and are attempting to acclimate ourselves to a lovely town. We’ve been pleased to learn that our neighbors are just as willing to welcome and engage us as we are to approach and meet them.

On occasion, we receive the seemingly benign question of whether we have pets. When we respond that we do not, I’m sometimes taken aback by a somewhat overplayed “I’m so sorry” -- as if we or our lives are somehow incomplete or inadequate.

We know that we need not divulge our private reasons, but when someone oversteps social boundaries and seems to use the question as a dig or one-up, is there anything I should do -- other than stifle the urge to say that their pity is neither warranted nor wanted?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you, but we prefer it that way.” Pause. Pause. “Of course, yours are no doubt lovely and well-behaved ...”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)