DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a high school student attending a boarding school. Every month, the school runs a bus from campus to a local shopping mall. It’s a fun way to spend time with friends, do some shopping and grab dinner.

Last month, my friends and I signed up for the mall trip to purchase some new clothes before a school dance in the evening. Unfortunately, not all went as planned.

One of the other students took the bus to the mall, decided to leave early and took a car service back to campus. This is completely against school rules.

Because no one could get in touch with him, we had to wait around at the mall while they tried to locate him. We all ended up missing the dance.

We were upset, saying that this student was selfish and that he should apologize. But his friends defended him, arguing that one of the chaperones could have waited around at the mall for him while the other chaperone escorted the rest of the students back to campus.

What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That arguing with people who inconvenienced themselves to make sure their classmate was OK, which is what your friends did, is not just rude, but also short-sighted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My elderly mom lives alone, and I live a few hours away. Her next-door neighbors have two sons, who have helped out many times with shoveling snow.

They refuse payment. Their mother says it’s important that her children do kind things for others without expecting payment. I admire and respect their family’s values, and I am trying to raise my children the same way.

Now my mom is hospitalized, and her lawn service has stopped showing up, leaving some very long grass. The neighbor’s son, now in his 20s, is mowing the lawn and again refusing payment, though my family is able to afford it. My mother had a payment lined up for her regular lawn service.

I would like to do something nice for these neighbors to show our gratitude, but I also do not wish to insult them by pushing money on them. I am lining up a new lawn service as fast as possible, so hopefully this is a one-time occurrence. Would it be appropriate to give them a thank-you note with a gift card for a takeout meal?

GENTLE READER: You really want to pay, don’t you?

As you know, this goes counter to the wishes of your benefactor. Miss Manners would prefer you send a really good letter of thanks, and is willing to have you add a small gift. But it must be something other than currency, even disguised currency -- something, rather, that demonstrates you have taken the time to think about what they might like.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A co-worker brought me dinner after my recent surgery. Was I obligated to ask her to stay for dinner?

GENTLE READER: To hear, over a meal, the details of your surgery?

No. Miss Manners believes that your co-worker understood that the meal was an act of kindness for someone who is not currently in a position to cook -- nor to act as a host. That can be done when you are fully recovered.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should I send thank-you notes to my pre-K religion class students for the Christmas gifts they gave me?

GENTLE READER: Thankfulness and generosity are key parts of most religions. Do you want to teach your young pupils that the latter is not worth noticing and that skipping the former is an option?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a guest at my boyfriend’s house, I spent practically all day making a turkey and all of the trimmings for Christmas dinner. I told him that dinner would be ready at 5 p.m. I called him to come and eat when dinner was ready.

Instead of coming to the table, he made a phone call and talked for almost an hour, ignoring the dinner and me, while the food got cold. He could have made this nonessential call before or after dinner.

When he finally did come to the table, he hurriedly ate, then left to watch TV. I had just started eating, and he left me to eat alone. In this case, what should I have done?

GENTLE READER: You seem to have had more than one turkey at this meal. Miss Manners reminds you that the new year is a good time for a fresh start.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s your take on posting written instructions for guests on how to use the toilet in a private home?

I’ve seen notes about not flushing sanitary pads, notes about lighting a match after you’re finished and, the worst, notes telling male guests to sit down to pee.

I mean, it’s not a truck stop -- shouldn’t these folks trust the adults they’ve invited into their home to know how to use a bathroom?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps not, in which case they might consider a sign in the dining room stating, “Don’t spit on the carpet.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter got married in the country where she now lives. Many family members and friends were unable to attend, and so we held a second reception a few months later at our home in the U.S.

Two family members came to this event, left without saying goodbye and then sent a note a week later. In the note, they did not thank us for our hospitality, but instead scolded us for the food offered, which was not to their liking, complained that neither lunch nor dinner was served (the party was from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m.), and protested that there was no wedding cake.

Have the rules changed? I was taught to be a good guest at events, and to write a note afterwards that says, basically, “Thank you for your hospitality. I had a lovely time.” Can you advise me here?

GENTLE READER: It’s odd that victims of rudeness often ask, as you did, whether the rules have changed.

You don’t really think that Miss Manners has nothing better to do than to announce, “It’s now fine to tell your hosts that you hated the food.”

She advises you not to trouble these people with your hospitality again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There seems to be so much growing awareness about the legitimacy of mental health challenges these days. However, my community of friends has left me to spend the holidays alone, repeatedly, despite knowing I live alone, have no family and am trying to cope with depression and anxiety.

I’ve made pretty bold hints, and that hasn’t worked. I know it is not their responsibility to include me, but finding myself alone again this year has been quite rough.

Any strategies to be welcomed to holiday gatherings without reducing myself to begging?

GENTLE READER: No one needs to be alone, especially at the holidays. There are so many organizations that accept volunteers to help others in various ways. It is fine to ask whether there is a small task that you feel you can handle.

That said, Miss Manners agrees that it would be kind of your friends to invite you, and not only on holidays. She hears from single people who feel resentment that they are only invited out of pity.

Friendship involves more than that: It also involves reciprocity. That does not mean that you must entertain them in the same way they entertain you. You could reciprocate with small favors and sincere gratitude. And perhaps you have done that, as you mention having a community of friends.

But friendship also involves understanding your friends’ situations. They may be swamped with other obligations, particularly during the holidays.

Miss Manners noted that you are citing depression and anxiety. You may well feel that the efforts above are beyond you. In that case, the sad truth is that you are indeed dependent on their thinking, “Poor thing, she has nobody; we should probably do something” -- and in competition with their other obligations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, when visiting my grandparents and other relatives, I remember the TV would be turned off when we entered as guests. I remember music playing when we had Christmas parties or other family get-togethers, but the TV was always turned off.

But lately, when visiting friends, relatives and others, I’ve noticed more and more that the TVs are staying on. In many cases, they are not even muted. In my opinion, it is very distracting and, honestly, rude.

Is it rude to have the TV on when guests visit, or am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Overreacting? When you consider how much the noise might annoy guests who are trying to concentrate on their video games or texting conversations?

After the isolation of the first pandemic years, Miss Manners would have thought that the attraction of such gatherings would be interacting with people face-to-face. Why bother to invite guests, or to go out, if you only want to focus on one kind of screen or another?

Of course, Miss Manners does not know your relatives. But surely if they can gather, even once a year, they can talk to one another. If you are not the host, the best you can do is to ask if others will join you in another room, because you are so glad to see them and eager to hear about them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)