DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have “one of those faces,” the kind where people confuse me for someone else all the time. It’s easy enough to be polite when someone thinks they saw me at karaoke last night, when I was actually home watching a movie.

But sometimes I will meet someone who insists that I am somebody else, saying things like “Your parents are [people I’ve never met]” or “You’re married to [a complete stranger].” They simply will not accept that I am not the person they think I am.

Most recently, I met someone at a party who insisted we had met at another party, years ago, in a city I have never visited. He then got upset with me when I said I had never even been to that state before and started saying rude things about my home state.

It’s easy enough to shrug and say “maybe” when someone thinks they met me years ago, and we can all have a laugh when someone realizes that wasn’t me they met last Tuesday at the bowling alley. But is there a polite way to handle someone rewriting my entire biography because I look like someone else?

GENTLE READER: “I’m afraid you are mistaken,” said as many times as necessary until your accuser gives up -- or you find it necessary to excuse yourself in exasperation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have many couple friends, and I have many women friends who are single. We’ve found that whenever we invite a single woman to join us when we go out to dinner, there is an expectation that the couple (us) pick up the entire check.

This doesn’t happen with single male friends, nor when we go out with another couple. In those cases, we either split the check or ask for separate checks before we order.

When I go out with my friends by myself, there’s never an expectation that whoever makes the invitation picks up the check. But it has always been the case that the single woman expects to be treated.

Am I missing something? I’ve stopped asking my single friends to join us for dinner.

GENTLE READER: That will teach your friends not to show up to dinner single again.

Miss Manners concedes that the double standard here is vexing. (Perhaps it is a holdover of the sexist adage that a single woman is to be pitied, and these women are seeking revenge.) Or perhaps it is the number of people (a single meal vs. two) that makes it unbalanced and tempting to let the couple pay, if offered.

But rather than participate in this kind of sexism -- and also not engage in outright single-ism -- maybe set some ground rules in advance. As in, “We’ll get this dinner, and the next one can be on you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suffered a fall at a social gathering. I got hurt pretty badly and ended up with large scrapes and bruises for over a week. I’m lucky I did not break a bone, but I was pretty shaken up.

When I later shared this news with close friends, two of them started laughing hysterically. I said that I was ultimately OK, considering how serious the fall was (not that they asked).

I know that there are endless videos online of people falling down, and that these cause laughter, but this is something I shared with people close to me. When did it become acceptable to laugh out loud when someone is describing an event that could have caused serious injury? Am I missing something?

GENTLE READER: How funny is your telling of the story?

Miss Manners understands that any humor was unintentional, but perhaps your friends misconstrued your tone.

Setting them straight -- by looking at them quizzically and repeating that the experience was frightening and painful -- is about the most you can do. But no, it is not acceptable to laugh at others’ misfortunes. Even the online videos give disclaimers that no one was harmed in their making.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a 30th birthday party for my best friend’s husband at a restaurant. We arrived, gave him our gift, and then placed our orders. Two days later, my friend texted me to please send her the cost of our food.

We gifted them a fairly pricey bottle of alcohol that was about the price of our two meals. Is it acceptable to simply not bring a gift in the future, knowing that this couple expects us to pay for our dinners as guests? And is there a way to gently let her know how rude this comes across?

Or should I just keep my mouth shut? She is close enough to me that she is going to be my maid of honor, and I don’t want people to think poorly of her (as I, frankly, am doing right now).

GENTLE READER: If it is possible to say in a non-accusatory way, Miss Manners suggests, “I’m sorry, I must have misunderstood. I thought you had invited us for dinner.” This will not likely get you out of paying for this particular dinner, but it will make the point that the person who does the inviting should pay.

Of course, Miss Manners is painfully aware that self-hosted birthday parties are considered exceptions to this. So if people insist on continuing the practice, she will have no choice but to condone forgoing birthday presents on top of the already pricey dinners the payers did not choose. It seems only fair.

In exchange, however, please promise Miss Manners that, having rightly been put off by this friend’s behavior, you will not seek revenge when she is your maid of honor. Brides like to exploit this role even under the best of circumstances. Assigning the planning and hosting of extensive parties or showers to your friends is unseemly -- even if, in this case, it may feel justified.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a 63-year-old man who previously weighed considerably more than I do now. I currently appear to be very healthy, and look the best I have in at least 30 years.

When people approach me to say how fantastic I look after not having seen me in a while, the quizzing begins almost immediately: Did you diet, exercise, have surgery, what? Then inevitably, there we are, in line at the coffee shop, talking about my cancer.

I really don’t mind that people know, but I need a softer delivery than I’ve been using, which is some version of, “I’ve endured a brutal two-year cancer treatment that saved my life. How are the kids?”

I’m ultimately left feeling like a bit of a fraud after accepting all the compliments on my appearance. Should I simply say “thank you” and carry on, or can you suggest something more graceful that might benefit both parties? It’s worth noting that a simple "thank you" has rarely been effective at shutting down the line of questioning.

An additional downside of looking healthy while actually being very sick is that it often creates barriers to care. For example, medical providers at the ER often don’t believe me when I’m describing my horrific symptoms. I’d love to add some grace to those obnoxious discussions.

GENTLE READER: That this happens at all is, to put it mildly, disheartening, and that it happens with medical professionals is disgraceful.

Miss Manners understands the people in question to be, for the most part, acquaintances, not friends -- they remember your prior appearance, but you have not seen them in some time. The response you are seeking is a somber and simple, “In fact, I’ve been extremely ill” without elaboration.

The gracious response -- not that you should expect to hear it often -- is, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A Chilean friend of mine told me that he once spoke in Spanish to a store clerk, who mumbled something about “gringos.” My friend took this to mean that the clerk thought he was a gringo showing off his bad Spanish.

I’ve been studying Spanish for years, but I’ll never be fluent in it (my brain is too old). So I’m hesitant to initiate speaking in Spanish with someone whose English may be better than my Spanish.

Either way seems rude -- not speaking in Spanish when you can, or being presumptuous about the other person’s ability to speak English. I want to be polite!

GENTLE READER: It should not surprise you to hear that the answer will depend on the language and the country. Depending on your knowledge of both, you can adapt your preparation and behavior to get the best results.

In some countries, making an effort to speak the local language is taken as a compliment and therefore makes up for minor defects in accent or grammar. In others, accent is more important than grammar. And in at least one country Miss Manners can think of, not speaking the local language perfectly is taken as a personal affront, if not an indication of imbecility.

Surprisingly, the levels of tourism enjoyed by the above countries do not directly correlate with the locals' behavior. In extremis, watch what other people are doing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)