DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always made friends easily, even throughout moving several times for my husband’s career. I’m so thankful for that. Some have become lifelong friends, and some were just close during similar ages/stages of raising our children. This is all fine and expected in life!

But what about the friends I just don’t enjoy spending time with after getting to know them better over time? What do I say, if anything? How mannerly is it to be honest?

I want to end these friendships for their sakes, too! I’d be so embarrassed and hurt to learn someone doesn’t enjoy being with me, but felt obligated. I know I can decline and say I’m busy, but we all make time for what we want to make time for.

To be clear, there’s no toxic behavior; they’re nice, good people overall. Maybe our personalities just aren’t a great fit or we don’t have much in common. Life is busy, and I’d like to spend my free time with those I enjoy being with.

GENTLE READER: Disappearing from a friendship without explanation is now known as ghosting, and is considered bad form. It leaves the deserted person floundering, not sure what is happening or why.

So the standard recommendation is: Just be honest.

But that is even more painful. Losing a friend is bound to hurt, but Miss Manners cannot condone doing it with an insult. And telling people that you don’t enjoy their company, however true, is insulting. Saying you have nothing in common implies that they lack interest. Declaring your personalities a "bad fit" means that you dislike theirs.

Hence the euphemism of being busy. Life is busy, as you say, so the excuse is initially plausible; but eventually, as you also point out, there is the realization that people make time for what they really want.

Miss Manners admits that this is not an ideal solution, just slightly better than the alternatives. But then, breaking off a friendship is not an ideal situation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have friends of 20+ years who have what I consider a bad habit: When they come over for dinner, they take home anything of theirs that remains after the meal: any wine left in the bottle, for example. Most recently, they took home the remaining premium ice cream and locally made hot fudge.

Am I wrong to think this behavior is rude?

GENTLE READER: It depends on what you mean in describing what is “theirs.” Miss Manners presumes this does not involve voluntary presents they brought, but contributions to the meal that you approved, or even solicited.

Opinions are divided about whether the leftovers should remain with the hosts or return with the donors. Miss Manners has been told that this has led to resentful feelings, as in your case, and sometimes ugly scenes.

And this is among friends, who have just spent a convivial evening together.

She is not going to take sides in this unseemly altercation. If it makes you feel better, you should accept the pattern and take home your own leftover contributions when visiting these friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there ever a polite way to teach other people’s kids to be a little more mannerly or considerate?

For years, I have been driving my grandson’s carpool once or twice a week. The three involved are good kids, and I have no problem providing this much-needed service. I know how hard it is for parents who work full-time to drive somewhere in the middle of the afternoon, especially when there are siblings on different schedules in other schools. The benefit for me is that I see my grandson more often than I would otherwise.

As the youngsters enter the middle school years, however, they increasingly treat me as if I’m some sort of robot, or at best, a nameless bus driver -- not someone they’ve known since kindergarten. One wears earbuds and probably doesn’t even hear me when I say hello and goodbye. They were a lot more fun when they were younger.

I know it would be futile to insist on actual conversation, but wouldn’t it be nice if they could just greet me politely when they get into my car? And say goodbye (and maybe even “Thanks for the ride”) as they depart?

It’s not as if I need to be thanked, exactly; I just wonder what their conduct says about how they relate to people in general. Is there anything I could say that would help them realize that social graces are basic life skills, ones that grease the wheels of human interaction throughout life?

I could say something to the parents. However, if they take offense, they might say something like, “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to drive.” I already know that, and still want to do it.

These kids will be driving themselves in a few years, and this situation is not unbearable for me; it just feels as if I’m missing an opportunity to provide a little guidance that seems lacking from other adults in their lives.

GENTLE READER: You are in charge. You get to make the rules.

Miss Manners suggests that next time you pick up the kids, you say, “All right, everyone. Here are the ground rules. Everyone says 'hello' when entering the car, and 'goodbye and thank you' when leaving. Conversational questions will be answered, not ignored or grunted at. This is not a ride-share. Tips are not accepted, but I appreciate a five-star review.”

While your grandson may secretly roll his eyes at his eccentric grandparent, Miss Manners has no doubt that he will appreciate the effort -- at least eventually.

But if none of this works, take some comfort in knowing that there is an advantage to being invisible. When they do talk, you get to hear all the middle school gossip that the parents are missing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I, a young woman, was recently introduced to an elderly gentleman while I was seated. During the introduction, I started to stand up to greet him. He waved me off and told me to sit, then approached and shook my hand.

Was it OK that I acquiesced and sat back down?

GENTLE READER: Well, it is infinitely better than fighting him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a surgeon who loves the symphony. Unfortunately, I work long hours, and sometimes show up at a performance after working 32 hours straight.

I recently went to the symphony ... and kept falling asleep. At intermission, the woman next to me said, “How dare you come to the symphony and just fall asleep! That is so rude!”

Well, she definitely had a point, and I really felt bad about diminishing her enjoyment of the program. So I apologized profusely and added, “I’m sorry, I obviously need to do something about my work/life balance.” And then I left -- but she followed me all the way out to my car, yelling at me! Um, which one of us is being rude?

I think we both were -- me for falling asleep and diminishing her pleasure in the music. I get that, but if I apologized and then left, is there not somewhere we could find peace?

GENTLE READER: The difference here is that you were not trying to be rude, and when it was called to your attention, you found a solution. Your seat companion was deliberately being rude and ignoring your solution.

Miss Manners hopes this helps you rest a little easier. You clearly cannot afford to lose any more sleep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my boyfriend, "Eli," for four years. We fell in love during the pandemic and have pulled through many difficult situations together, strengthening our bond.

Eli is about to get full custody of his 8-year-old daughter, "Cat." It’s a very overwhelming process, but so far, we are coming together to support each other at each hurdle.

Here’s the caveat: I have only been around Cat a handful of times. While I care about her because she is my love’s daughter, I don’t feel a connection with her at all.

I have connected with my former partners’ children through the years, and with other children, but it’s not always a given for me. My whole life, I have either felt connected to a child right away or not at all.

Eli told me it’s possible that soon, Cat will be living with us five days a week, only spending weekends with her grandmother. I am feeling scared about losing my boyfriend because of my lack of connection with Cat.

What do I do? Stay and try to have a future with him and his daughter? Take a chance that it might work? Or do we break up sooner rather than later?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners appreciates your myopic self-knowledge, she would offer that sometimes it takes more than a "handful of times" spent with someone to develop love. Presumably this was the case with your romantic partner -- and the bond seems to only have gotten stronger with you two over time.

But if the gamble of loving the child is not worth it to you, by all means break up with her father now. Please know, however, that there will never be hope for a future with him if you tell him the reason why.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)