DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I frequently host meals for 10 to 20 guests, both personally and professionally. We have a debate over whether to put out spoons for meals when we are not serving soup.
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My spouse contends that spoons may be used for things other than soup (e.g. spreads, or the last bits of thin sauces). I prefer not to set out spoons in order to save on the volume of dishwashing (or waste, if using disposable utensils, although we have switched to compostable ones).
We have agreed to abide by your determination: spoons at every meal, or only when soup is being served?
GENTLE READER: Stop! Please do not put out those superfluous spoons! You are making trouble for Miss Manners.
In a world besmirched by incivility, many people believe that etiquette -- that is, the rules of moderate restraint in the interest of community harmony -- is a snobbish way of humiliating honest people. Further, they include table manners in this nasty sport.
Lamentation over “which fork to use” is still cited as a trap, although it has been more than a century since highly specialized flatware was in use. And people should be minding their own plates.
A correct table setting consists of only the items necessary for the food to be consumed, laid out in an outside-to-inside pattern. That’s it. Please.