DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have twice invited a friend to parties after asking if the dates were open for her, and she accepted each time. About a week before each party, she said that she was going to do something else and wouldn’t be coming.

Am I being overly sensitive to be a bit bothered by this? My parents always told me that once you accept an invitation, you honor it. Backing out later (unless there is an emergency or illness) gives the impression that you’ve found something better to do.

GENTLE READER: Your parents and Miss Manners were in agreement up until they veered off into euphemism.

Miss Manners would have concluded by saying that backing out gives the impression you -- or in this case, your friend -- have no manners. After all, there is little doubt your friend preferred the second option, since she took it.

To answer your question, you are not being overly sensitive: A proper amount of sensitivity would have precluded offering a second invitation after having been once snubbed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife has a terminal illness and has been undergoing treatment for several months. Many of her close friends have been very generous with meals, cards and flowers, for which we are both grateful and appreciative.

Early on, a former colleague of mine (from 14 years ago) learned of my spouse’s illness and signed up via a meal service application to bring food during the tougher treatment weeks. She will also sometimes drop food or items at our front door, which we only find hours later.

Most gifts are lovely, but it is getting to be too much. Last week, she dropped off three new hardback books -- which my wife cannot hold, due to her weakened condition. Earlier this week, she brought food that none of us could eat, due to the restrictive ingredients that she didn’t notice in the meal sign-up application.

Today she dropped off 15 magazines. Again, this is very thoughtful and generous, but now I have to spend more effort and time to dispose of or donate these items. Thankfully we were able to give away the food that we couldn’t eat (after my spouse had a single bite to enable her to write a legitimate thank-you note).

I’m hoping the gifts will stop soon, but is there a way for my wife to diplomatically say, “You’ve done enough; please stop!” in her next thank-you note?

GENTLE READER: Not only is it possible to put a stop to it, it is necessary, as the last thing your former colleague would want is to make the situation worse.

But Miss Manners wonders why you would wait for your wife to write the letter of thanks. You can relieve her of some etiquette tasks as surely as you can pick up the items left at the door.

Call the gift-giver at once to explain your gratitude -- and your practical limits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I politely stop a person who wants to tell me gossip?

GENTLE READER: Practice listening attentively in a way that nevertheless gives the distinct impression that you missed every word.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m trying to help a friend who has a sick 18-year-old daughter. The young lady has many serious medical issues, and the family has a lot of medical debt.

Another friend is holding a fundraising event for her and is charging a whole $10 to attend. She will raise tens and tens of dollars. Meanwhile, the girl’s mom set up an online donation page, which I sent to a couple dozen relatives and friends.

My relatives are rich -- many are millionaires. It’s been 10 days, and only three people made small donations. I’m annoyed and dumbfounded that these rich people have not donated or responded to my appeal to help my friend. I’ve never asked these people for anything, ever.

Should I send out another appeal email in a week to give them another opportunity to be kind and generous?

GENTLE READER: Your desire to help your friend is admirable. Your notion that you should have easy access to other people’s money is not.

Do your rich relatives know your friend’s daughter? If not, did you plead her case to them, while pointing out that you had never asked for anything before, and will not make a habit of it? And are you aware how often rich people are besieged with requests for money? (For that matter, everybody is. All the time.)

Yet Miss Manners hopes that everybody who is able to spare some money will use it to help others.

So rather than just hand it out to whoever asks, prudent people do some research, then decide where their money would be most effective. Therefore, they tend not to be distracted by the barrage of requests for people or causes they know nothing about.

Your friend’s daughter is likely in that category. Making a repeat appeal is more apt to annoy your targets than to inspire them to give you money -- unless it is an oh-go-away pittance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend of my daughter has invited her and a plus-one to a weekend of wedding events. My daughter’s boyfriend can’t go, and she wants me to go as her plus-one. I know this friend, but we're not close, and the venue is in a rural area 2,500 miles from us.

Is this a nonstarter? What are the rules of “plus-one”?

GENTLE READER: Plus-one is a strange modern convention that delegates to a guest the power to choose another guest.

Miss Manners understands that this might be convenient if, for example, a guest needs help to attend. It also relieves the hosts of knowing the names of the partners of friends who are close enough to be invited to their wedding.

So be it. Weddings used to be where single people met one another, often inspiring other weddings. But now it also relieves unattached guests of having to socialize with strangers, as they have brought their own dates.

Sorry for the ramble. The answer is yes, you may go.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I need to know how I should have responded to a cashier who overstepped.

Some background: I had my second child about 15 months ago. My husband and I are not looking to have a third. I’m still breastfeeding, which makes my cycle rather unpredictable; still, I was concerned recently when I seemed to be about a week late.

I stopped to pick up a pregnancy test. At the checkout, the cashier congratulated me.

I was honest, telling her that I was hoping it was negative as I didn't want to have a third C-section at age 42. She then said that I should enjoy any life I create and that any baby is a blessing. I just nodded, paid and left.

While I would have been happy if the test had been positive, I would also have been a little flustered and stressed. We would have had to move to a bigger house, for one thing. But none of that was the cashier's business.

I felt like she was being really intrusive. What is the proper response in this situation, should it arise again?

GENTLE READER: What was that cashier thinking? "Congratulations" for what? Anyone buying a pregnancy test does not know if she is pregnant.

Miss Manners is aware that some consider personhood to begin at conception. This lady takes it a bit further, conferring congratulations on the mere possibility. And yours is not the only situation in which this cashier's "congratulations" would be inappropriate. It would be upsetting for someone hoping for a positive result, but steeling herself against disappointment, for instance.

You did not need to respond to the "congratulations" because it was impertinent. As her subsequent remarks proved, she was not thinking of you, but rather pushing an agenda. Your second reaction, merely leaving, was fine -- and should be promoted to first place, should this happen again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are each attending high school reunions this year. We each had classmates whose parents we were close to at the time, and we’re wondering how to phrase a question regarding these parents' still being alive.

How to ask about them? Or not?

GENTLE READER: You do not say what years these reunions mark, but Miss Manners gathers that it is long enough for you to presume that the parents may no longer be with us.

But as you know, any version of “Are they still alive?” is creepy. If they are, it sounds as if they have overstayed their welcome, and if they are not, it sounds as if they have let you down.

Rather, Miss Manners suggests simply telling your classmates how much you liked their parents, providing examples of their kindness, if possible.

If a classmate says, “They’ll be so pleased to hear this,” they are alive. If the response is “I’m so touched to hear this,” they are not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)