DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was recently part of a wedding party, acting as a flower girl for a relative of my ex-husband. My ex and I were still married when the bride asked for my permission for this, and I agreed.

Later, she asked me for a photo of my daughter to put on a wedding website. Concerned about privacy for my young daughter, I asked if the website was going to be public. She said it would be password-protected and only accessed by the wedding party, so I sent her a photo.

I also asked the bride to use my daughter's full, correct name (think "Mary Ann") anywhere it appeared; my ex-husband’s family and friends all began calling her (e.g.) "Mary" years ago, ignoring my requests to use her full name. The bride agreed.

About 10 months later, after I had left my marriage, my daughter served as the flower girl in the wedding. I was not part of the event, nor had I expected to be. Shortly after the wedding, I learned that the wedding website was indeed public and easily accessible. My daughter’s picture was public, along with her first and last name -- and the bride had used Mary instead of Mary Ann.

I asked my ex-husband about this, as he has made it clear that our daughter's privacy is important to him. He said he knew nothing about the website, though he had been sent a password to access it. He offered to ask the bride, after her honeymoon, to make the site private and correct our daughter's name. (For privacy, I don’t think the bride should have listed children’s last names at all.)

I know the couple has been back for at least a week, and yet nothing has changed on the website.

Should the bride have honored my requests, both for the privacy of the website and the use of my daughter’s full name? Or did my divorcing her relative relieve her of that responsibility?

GENTLE READER: The privacy request, yes, she should have. The name change, no: If the rest of the family is using the short version, it will feel quarrelsome to insist. And since one of your contentions is that you do not want your daughter's full name used anyway, it is an odd argument.

Miss Manners suggests, instead, that you write a kind note to the bride saying that the wedding looked beautiful and that Mary Ann had a wonderful time, but that if the bride could please double-check that the website is password-protected, you would be grateful.

The fact that you, who were not a guest, could easily find and access it should quell any contention that it was private.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a man who is 6-foot-6 and 62 years old. My entire life, I have found myself bent in half when greeting women for whom a welcome hug is appropriate. My aunties, cousins, sisters and any number of others might throw their arms up, initiating a hug.

When women (of any age) hug me, they always want to put their arms above my own -- their arms are basically around my neck during the hug. Picture me bent in half hugging my 4’11” mother-in-law.

I’m wondering, is this just hugging etiquette? Would I be in violation if I just kept my arms above theirs, allowing myself less of a stoop? Is it a rule or custom?

GENTLE READER: It is not a rule, and Miss Manners gives you leave to bend only as far as is consistent with your principles and your back.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our town is a typical suburb of a large city. It was originally settled by German farmers, but over the years, it has become an affluent sprawl of subdivisions and strip malls. Many of the original family farms have been honored in various street names.

Lingering descendants of the families, or those who knew them, adhere to the original pronunciations, but the majority of the community no longer does. For example: Old-timers insist that Mueller Street should be pronounced "Miller," not "Mew-ler." This is just one of several examples.

The thing is, I have lived in this town since the early 1970s, and never heard anyone refer to that street as "Miller." If someone gave me directions and said, "Turn on Miller Street," I would have bypassed the "Mueller" sign and kept looking.

I feel that naming a street after a family is lovely, but that the family’s right to police pronunciation is limited. The whole point of naming streets at all is to make navigation easier. If the community at large has tacitly agreed to call a street "Mew-ler" because that is the more intuitive, contemporary interpretation of the spelling, then that becomes the correct way to say the street name.

Those who pronounce these streets "wrong" are being told, on social media, that they owe it to these families to adopt the "correct" pronunciation. This seems unnecessary to me -- and I have a Dutch last name that no one can pronounce without guidance.

GENTLE READER: Snapping at people to do something that has not been done in decades is unlikely to be effective. Far better to use one of the few advantages Miss Manners sees to social media -- which is that people can opt out of group conversations about such issues, rather than feeding the flames by continuing to argue about them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I host an annual holiday dinner for a group of neighbors, one of whom has asked in the past if he could bring a guest. My wife, on our behalf, has always said yes.

Unfortunately, the guest is usually the neighbor’s on-again/off-again boyfriend, who is best described as obnoxious. During dinner, our neighbor frequently smirks condescendingly at his plus-one and winks at the rest of us. Ugh.

This neighbor accepted the invitation to dinner this year. My wife says the polite thing for her to do is to anticipate his request by telling him he can bring a guest. I say we should keep quiet to see if he asks.

Do the rules of etiquette come down on my wife’s side?

GENTLE READER: They do not -- until the boyfriend becomes the husband, a neighbor or both. Waiting for the neighbor to ask for a second invitation is both sensible and permissible.

Should the boyfriend indeed be promoted, Miss Manners hopes it will at least lessen the likelihood of the now-husband mistreating you or one of your other guests: It would strengthen his position to the point that he might start objecting to the smirking and the condescension of his partner. But one problem at a time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received an online invitation to my relative’s 70th birthday: a surprise dinner and music at a nice restaurant. Included in the invite is a “suggested donation” amount of $50, with the donation going towards a vacation fund.

If that wasn’t odd enough (these relatives are well-off), they also suggested that if we “feel generous,” we can add an 18% gratuity. A gratuity for what?

This feels a little like a shakedown.

GENTLE READER: Only a little?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I participate with a small group that does what we can to support a small neighborhood alternative high school. Many of the students at the school are low-income.

I have been spending a fair amount of my own resources, including my time, soliciting donations of food and school supplies for teachers and students. I’m guessing I’ve picked up and dropped off over $2,000 worth of donations. I’ve been glad to do it, because I see the need and it feels good being able to help out.

I’ve suddenly noticed that I have never received a word of thanks from anyone at the school. In one case, I got a much-needed $400 item donated to the auto shop program, but the teacher didn’t even acknowledge it.

I feel terrible saying this, because the kids have needs. But now that I’ve become aware of it, I’m feeling less generous. How can I get over this?

GENTLE READER: The emotional answer to that is out of Miss Manners’ area of expertise -- certainly there is virtue in doing good deeds without acknowledgment.

But for those hoping to be on the receiving end, she notes that expressing gratitude also used to be considered virtuous -- not to mention common sense.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)