DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother is intelligent, educated, well-spoken and has a responsible job. He is also openly racist, misogynistic and homophobic -- all for religious reasons, of course.

To his credit, he never brings these subjects up, but if they do come up, he’s not at all bashful about articulating his bigoted views. His response to criticism is that he’s just as entitled to his opinions as liberals are to theirs, and he’s just as entitled to express his opinions as liberals are to express theirs. He says that tolerance includes tolerance for all viewpoints, including his.

That does not sound quite right to me, but I can’t exactly put my finger on what’s wrong with it. He is otherwise a charming and enjoyable person to be around. At this point, the rest of the family just deals with it by avoiding these subjects.

What do you think we should do?

GENTLE READER: Keep avoiding those subjects.

Of course it is tempting to poke the bear, even though you know how the bear will react. Your brother is presumably a grown-up, entrenched in his prejudices, and arguing is less likely to reform him than to spoil family gatherings.

Miss Manners can, however, offer you some comfort.

First, you are already making your point effectively by refusing to engage with him when he speaks like that.

And second, you are right that hate speech does not deserve the same tolerance as the wide divergence of well-meant opinions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have the pleasure of hosting an annual holiday dinner for our family, and we believe that almost everyone finds the event enjoyable. A few years ago, we began inviting a group of my relatives. They had previously celebrated with others, but deaths sadly ended those traditions.

During our gathering, these relatives sit down together before dinner and do not move about or mingle until it is time to go. They only interact with others as a group, and only speak with the individuals opposite them during dinner.

We’ve begun to think we’ve failed to make the event sufficiently welcoming.

My husband believes that this year, we should promote mingling by using place cards at the dinner table to “break up the cabal” (as he puts it), but I wonder if that will incite general revolt and make the event even more alienating. What should we do?

GENTLE READER: Start even earlier to break up the cabal.

One of a host’s jobs is to ensure that people mix. Miss Manners acknowledges that grown-ups who know one another ought to do that without prompting, but apparently not in this case.

So take Aunt Jennie’s arm by gentle force and steer her over to Cousin Jason, saying, “You are both avid gardeners, and both Blue Sox fans, right?”

Leaving them together, you scoot over to Grandniece Lilia, saying, “Would you explain friendship bracelets to Uncle Horace? His granddaughter has dozens, but he doesn’t understand what it’s about.”

By dinnertime, they will be too engrossed to protest being artfully scattered around the table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to the small size of our home, we host two holiday parties each year, essentially splitting one big gathering into two events so that we can see everyone.

We send different invites to separate guest lists. It is always a little uncomfortable when friends talk to each other and wonder why one of them was invited on this day and another on a different day.

Could I send an invitation that lists both parties, and let the guests RSVP as to the one they would like to attend? Of course, that would require guests to respond. Many don’t even send regrets, which is all we currently ask.

I want to let my friends feel open to come to whichever is most convenient for them. Is that tacky?

GENTLE READER: You are asking for a lot of trouble on behalf of people who do not even trouble themselves to answer your invitations.

Even if this new plan prompts them to respond, what if they all want to attend on the same day? Lopsided attendance would defeat your judgment about the best use of your space.

If it were Miss Manners, she would invite only polite people, thus giving only one party. Perhaps a very intimate one. But you presumably want them all, as you have been kindly overlooking the rudeness of ignored invitations year after year.

So here is a kinder suggestion: Scrawl the phrase "'A' list," as if by accident, somewhere on both sets of invitations.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an online shop and am able to keep a high rating due to reviews from customers who are, thankfully, very kind. It’s important to keep the highest rating, as that attracts buyers to my shop.

I am also rated by the selling platform in several areas, one of which is how quickly I answer messages. I can usually figure out something kind to say to my customers. However, every once in a while, I get someone who just wants to rant, mostly about the prices of goods in my shop.

I guess these people don’t understand that I have to buy the things I sell, and can only sell them cheaply when I can buy them at a very reasonable price. When that doesn’t happen, some people want to unload their anger on me. I get hateful messages asking who I think I am to ask such outrageous amounts.

I would just ignore them, but to keep my top rating, I have to answer. I want to be polite, but I am sometimes tempted to reply, “No one is forcing you to buy this. If you don’t like the price, you are free to shop elsewhere.”

I would prefer something firm -- some of these people want to start a fight and keep fighting.

GENTLE READER: “Do you know other shops that are able to get these items and sell them for less? Because I’d love to ask them how they do it.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend whom I very much treasured has ceased to be my friend.

After 12 years of travel adventures, Saturday afternoons at markets, deep conversations over coffee, visiting each other several times a year (after she moved 1,000 miles away) and helping each other with projects, she started distancing herself from me.

I asked her what was happening, and she would only say there was nothing wrong and that nothing had changed. She acted like I was imagining things.

I received a card in the mail from her a few months ago where she mentioned, almost as an aside, that she had moved back here. I called her immediately and asked how I could have missed that she was moving back. She laughed and said she’d been here for six weeks already.

I felt crushed, though I didn’t express that. The friend I had known would have called me the day the decision was made. Actually, she would have called me before that, to talk over the pros and cons. We would have seen each other at least a dozen times in those six weeks.

Instead, we have only seen each other once in the four months she’s been back -- for 30 minutes, to watch a parade. I have reached out since then to invite her to coffee or lunch, and those messages have been returned with silence.

I honestly don’t know what happened. Should I simply acquiesce to this radio silence?

GENTLE READER: Yes, unless you want to have one more go at facing the problem directly: “Clearly we have grown distant, and I am at a loss as to why. You say that nothing is wrong, but you cannot deny that our friendship is not what it was. If I have done something wrong, please let me know so that I have a chance to correct it and make amends.”

If your erstwhile friend continues to demur, Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to accept the loss and move on. And then decide whether or not you want to avoid her at the grocery store.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Years ago, my father-in-law gave me a necklace, totally unexpectedly. It was one of many pieces of jewelry he had given to his wife, who had died years prior. He also gave some pieces to other members of the family.

The necklace is not something I enjoy wearing; it gets all tangled up and I have to get it fixed each time I wear it. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law is not happy with the diamond earrings she received, which she mentions occasionally.

Should I just give the necklace to her? The last time I had it assessed, they said it was worth about 39,000.

GENTLE READER: About 39,000 what?! Miss Manners hopes you mean rupees or pesos, or that you added too many zeros.

If the monetary value is truly inconsequential to you, by all means, give it to your sister-in-law. She would be forever in your debt.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)