DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children.

The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.

On Christmas Day, she insisted that she was 100% cured, but she still sounded sick and congested over the phone. I felt the need to protect myself, as well as my vulnerable, aging guests. I advised her to stay home and take care of herself, adding that we would get together the following week, when she was better.

This is where matters went awry. My sick friend took great offense to this un-invitation and bombarded me with nasty texts and insults. I continued to be respectful; however, the nastiness continued.

I have now blocked all texts and communications. Friendship over. Was I wrong for trying to protect myself and my guests from potential illness?

GENTLE READER: It depends on how you phrased it. The correct order is to lavish sympathy on your poor, sick friend, followed by appreciation for her willingness to sacrifice herself so as not to throw off your party. This is followed by a promise to do something special when she is well.

By your account, you seem to have done all of that. Miss Manners just wants to make sure that you did not overdo the Typhoid Mary approach of, “Don’t you come breathing your germs on us.”

The concern shown by such an approach may be warranted, but it is not well received by the people with the germs. Still, it would not excuse your former friend’s extreme reaction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was swamped by charitable solicitations in the mail this Christmas. A great deal of time, effort and money went into these missives. Yet when I donate to some of these organizations, it is a long time -- if ever -- before I get an acknowledgment. Sometimes I have to request a receipt, just for tax purposes.

Besides the obvious courtesy of acknowledging a donation, such recognition might encourage the donor to make a repeat gift. Otherwise, past donors may not donate again.

The lack of courtesy has caused me to remove several organizations from my “approved” list. Hopefully these remarks will encourage more acknowledgments.

GENTLE READER: Did your relatives all write you letters of thanks for the presents you sent them?

You may be sure that Miss Manners is not bringing that up to suggest that expressions of gratitude are no longer necessary. Only that they are in short supply -- even from people who are angry if they don’t get favorable acknowledgments of the photograph of their lunch that they posted.

Charities are very shortsighted to neglect this, or to dilute the thanks by coupling it with new requests. Miss Manners is aware that you are not the only donor prompted by this to give elsewhere.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era where it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card and gift were mailed.

Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.

My adult daughter just attended the wedding of a college classmate, and where we live, the vast majority of wedding gifts are envelopes containing cash or checks. While my daughter has maintained a “checking account” for several years, she hasn’t needed a checkbook until this wedding. Our solution was to have her transfer funds to my account, and then I wrote the check to the newlyweds.

With the changing times, is it acceptable to use online money transfer services for such occasions? On the surface, it would come across as tacky for a wedding invitation to include, say, a Venmo link, but it would be rather convenient for all parties.

GENTLE READER: It would be even more efficient for them to ask for your bank account and routing numbers.

Miss Manners will spare her readers the lecture on money being an unseemly present, as it lacks that once-treasured ingredient of thoughtfulness. But she will say that if you must give it, a written check is at least a bit more decorous.

A physical envelope, while probably no more likely to solicit a thank-you letter, will at least be a reminder that a present was given -- as opposed to a sterile financial transaction on a website called “Gimme Dat Money.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I best phrase a request for guests to let me know about any accommodations they might need when planning a mid-to-large party? Examples might include dietary restrictions or mobility needs, and the context is a casual event where guests would bring dishes to pass. Most of our party planning and discussion is done digitally.

I’d love to know a script that would let people know they can speak up without feeling put on the spot. I want them to know that we’re happy to assist, and that helping them is not burdensome in any way. It’s a tricky balance to strike.

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners if she has gotten cynical that a guest would be reluctant to come forward to state their preferences and needs. She is so used to hearing from annoyed and overburdened hosts who get so many such requests that they do not know how to fulfill them all.

That you are actually soliciting this information and eager to accommodate it is refreshing.

Since this is already a casual event where guests are being asked to bring their own dishes, it is unlikely that guests will not serve their own dietary needs. But for other types of accommodation, Miss Manners suggests, "We are looking forward to seeing you. Please let us know if there are any special requirements you may have."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.

While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I’ve bought and prepared whenever they are over, extending their stay into lunch or dinner.

How can I kindly ask them to contribute, either by cooking their own food or helping out in some other way, without making things awkward?

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners, but isn’t “doing nothing at all and simply enjoying the food you’ve bought and prepared” called hospitality?

She has so many letters begging guests not to meddle in the kitchen that she is confused at your wanting them to cook their own food in yours.

She does agree that inviting oneself to lunch or dinner afterward is an overstep. To that, you may politely say, “I am afraid I have other plans for those meals” -- even if those plans include cleaning up the mess they made from eating so much of your food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt gave me a generous gift, and I wrote her a letter in thanks. She said she loved my letter and hopes I will write her again this fall.

Should I dutifully send another letter, or is there a way I can suggest that writing me back might increase the quality and quantity of my letters to her?

GENTLE READER: You could help prompt her by writing a letter that asks a lot of questions and concludes with, “I do so look forward to receiving your answers.” Then, Miss Manners assures you, it will be clear that it is her turn.

True, it commits you to an ongoing correspondence -- but one with a gracious and generous aunt.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who sneezes a lot. When she does, someone is always quick to say “God bless you!”

I did not grow up being taught to say this, or anything else, when someone sneezes. So when she and I are alone and she sneezes, I say nothing. Am I being rude?

GENTLE READER: Your co-worker no doubt thinks so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a regular walking group where I have become friends with about a third of the walkers. The rest I’m polite with, but consider them acquaintances only.

I host an annual party at my home for my friends. I send out private email invitations, and don’t discuss the event during the walks.

One of the walkers, a rather clingy person whom I consider only an acquaintance, told me she heard I was having a party, and invited herself. I couldn’t say no. She’s a decent person, but we have nothing in common.

What can I say in the future to avoid accepting self-inviting party crashers?

GENTLE READER: Treat it as you would a wedding: “It’s only a small group this year, but I look forward to catching up with you on our walks.” Miss Manners suggests you also remind your invited friends not to issue unauthorized invitations or advertise the party on those walks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)