DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting married, for the third time, later this year. In between her marriages, she has had lengthy relationships with other men.

I’m OK with all of that, except for one thing: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it’s her first. She is planning on wearing a traditional white wedding dress, despite the fact that she has two grown children from the other marriages. She has signed up for a bridal registry and is planning on having a lavish post-wedding celebration.

Am I an old-school traditionalist, or is the meaning of the white wedding dress a thing of the past?

GENTLE READER: Far in the past. Big white dresses have been the uniform for all brides for decades now. Whether previously married, elderly, pregnant or surrounded by their children, they all don the uniform.

And you know what? Miss Manners is not sorry.

After the white dress fashion was started by Queen Victoria, the idea got around that it symbolized virginity. But the vulgarity of reading the dress as truthful or not about the body inside was astounding. People -- even wedding guests, who presumably liked the couple -- speculated about whether a particular bride was “entitled” to wear white.

It was disgusting. So let’s not start that up again.

Just between us, yes, Miss Manners finds all the overblown, costumed pageantry somewhat comical. But she does not want to spoil the fun of those who enjoy it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, our family has grown considerably. Our nieces and nephews have children of their own now, many of our friends now have grandchildren, etc. I used to send presents to everyone, but now that I’m retired, I’ve decided to stop. I’m wondering if this is rude.

I had some recipients who never said "thank you," but others who were truly touched by my thoughtfulness. The problem is that they all talk to each other. I didn’t want to play favorites or hurt anyone’s feelings, so I stopped completely.

Most of these kids are overly spoiled and barely know us, anyway, since we live out of state. But I think I have hurt one relative, whom I love to pieces, by not sending gifts anymore. I told her why, and she says she understands, but I feel so guilty.

I do text everyone "happy birthday" and send cards, just not presents. What is your opinion on gift-giving etiquette for seniors?

GENTLE READER: Astonishment that it took you this long to realize that sending presents to people who never react to them is a thankless task (as it were).

“Playing favorites” carries the implication of an arbitrary choice conferring an undeserved advantage. That would be hardly the case if you chose to give presents to relatives who appreciated them, but not to those who ignored them.

Of course you can retire yourself from the whole effort. Miss Manners would consider the need to save money and/or energy good reasons for doing so. But like you, she regrets the cutoff for the one recipient who appreciated your efforts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children.

The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.

On Christmas Day, she insisted that she was 100% cured, but she still sounded sick and congested over the phone. I felt the need to protect myself, as well as my vulnerable, aging guests. I advised her to stay home and take care of herself, adding that we would get together the following week, when she was better.

This is where matters went awry. My sick friend took great offense to this un-invitation and bombarded me with nasty texts and insults. I continued to be respectful; however, the nastiness continued.

I have now blocked all texts and communications. Friendship over. Was I wrong for trying to protect myself and my guests from potential illness?

GENTLE READER: It depends on how you phrased it. The correct order is to lavish sympathy on your poor, sick friend, followed by appreciation for her willingness to sacrifice herself so as not to throw off your party. This is followed by a promise to do something special when she is well.

By your account, you seem to have done all of that. Miss Manners just wants to make sure that you did not overdo the Typhoid Mary approach of, “Don’t you come breathing your germs on us.”

The concern shown by such an approach may be warranted, but it is not well received by the people with the germs. Still, it would not excuse your former friend’s extreme reaction.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was swamped by charitable solicitations in the mail this Christmas. A great deal of time, effort and money went into these missives. Yet when I donate to some of these organizations, it is a long time -- if ever -- before I get an acknowledgment. Sometimes I have to request a receipt, just for tax purposes.

Besides the obvious courtesy of acknowledging a donation, such recognition might encourage the donor to make a repeat gift. Otherwise, past donors may not donate again.

The lack of courtesy has caused me to remove several organizations from my “approved” list. Hopefully these remarks will encourage more acknowledgments.

GENTLE READER: Did your relatives all write you letters of thanks for the presents you sent them?

You may be sure that Miss Manners is not bringing that up to suggest that expressions of gratitude are no longer necessary. Only that they are in short supply -- even from people who are angry if they don’t get favorable acknowledgments of the photograph of their lunch that they posted.

Charities are very shortsighted to neglect this, or to dilute the thanks by coupling it with new requests. Miss Manners is aware that you are not the only donor prompted by this to give elsewhere.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era where it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card and gift were mailed.

Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.

My adult daughter just attended the wedding of a college classmate, and where we live, the vast majority of wedding gifts are envelopes containing cash or checks. While my daughter has maintained a “checking account” for several years, she hasn’t needed a checkbook until this wedding. Our solution was to have her transfer funds to my account, and then I wrote the check to the newlyweds.

With the changing times, is it acceptable to use online money transfer services for such occasions? On the surface, it would come across as tacky for a wedding invitation to include, say, a Venmo link, but it would be rather convenient for all parties.

GENTLE READER: It would be even more efficient for them to ask for your bank account and routing numbers.

Miss Manners will spare her readers the lecture on money being an unseemly present, as it lacks that once-treasured ingredient of thoughtfulness. But she will say that if you must give it, a written check is at least a bit more decorous.

A physical envelope, while probably no more likely to solicit a thank-you letter, will at least be a reminder that a present was given -- as opposed to a sterile financial transaction on a website called “Gimme Dat Money.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I best phrase a request for guests to let me know about any accommodations they might need when planning a mid-to-large party? Examples might include dietary restrictions or mobility needs, and the context is a casual event where guests would bring dishes to pass. Most of our party planning and discussion is done digitally.

I’d love to know a script that would let people know they can speak up without feeling put on the spot. I want them to know that we’re happy to assist, and that helping them is not burdensome in any way. It’s a tricky balance to strike.

GENTLE READER: Forgive Miss Manners if she has gotten cynical that a guest would be reluctant to come forward to state their preferences and needs. She is so used to hearing from annoyed and overburdened hosts who get so many such requests that they do not know how to fulfill them all.

That you are actually soliciting this information and eager to accommodate it is refreshing.

Since this is already a casual event where guests are being asked to bring their own dishes, it is unlikely that guests will not serve their own dietary needs. But for other types of accommodation, Miss Manners suggests, "We are looking forward to seeing you. Please let us know if there are any special requirements you may have."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)