DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a member of several organizations. Frequently I’ve sent updates or comments to the leaders of these groups, who then forward my email to everyone with their reply.

Do I need to put a “for your eyes only” disclaimer on each email? That seems a bit stiff, but my emails aren’t necessarily for publication!

GENTLE READER: That you are tempted to add such a disclaimer suggests to Miss Manners that you already know something about the recipients: namely, that they hit Reply All on every email, or that they do not actually read anything that is sent to them. Alternatively, you might not know these persons well enough to predict what they will do with your correspondence.

In either case, a more effective solution would be to ensure that your emails actually are ready for such distribution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I treated a friend to lunch, but when we entered the restaurant, she mentioned that someplace else was better. I was a little taken aback and thought it was just an unconscious slip, but then this happened again with a different friend.

What could I have said to indicate that their comments were rude without offending them?

GENTLE READER: It is impolite to tell others that they are being rude, but perhaps Miss Manners can accommodate you by making them feel foolish instead.

Look concerned and ask, in a quiet voice, if they would prefer to go somewhere else instead. As this will likely be occurring while the waiter is walking you to the table, your friend will immediately understand the consequence of answering in the affirmative.

This will only work if having to tell the waiter you are leaving will be more embarrassing for your friend than for you, but she trusts you will know this before attempting the experiment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be throwing myself a 60th birthday party next year. The only gift I want is the presence of the family and friends I invite to the party. I intend to include “No gifts, please” on the invitations.

All that being said, I realize some people will bring a gift anyway. Some of the people I will be inviting tend to give gifts of alcohol, which I do not want. I do not consume much alcohol to begin with, and I have specific tastes -- I don’t like dry wine, for example.

Is there a way to politely state this on the invitation? Or do I just gratefully accept any gifts of alcohol I may receive, then discreetly give it away later to someone who will enjoy it?

GENTLE READER: It has long been Miss Manners’ policy to discourage invitations that tell guests not to bring gifts -- not because she objects to the sentiment, but because she finds the bald statement of expectation impertinent.

Further appending a detailed list of instructions about what not to bring would be mystifying. The polite solution would be to throw a party -- not, specifically, a birthday party -- at which you can then admit that it is your birthday.

If you cannot do that, then, yes: Give away the gifts you did not expect, and do not want, later.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the janitor at a truck stop. What is the best way for me (a man) to announce myself when entering the women’s restroom to clean it?

I start with calling out, “Hello. Janitor. Is anyone in here?” but it just doesn’t sound right. Some ladies say nothing in response, and if I didn’t look under all the stall doors, I would have walked in on them. Other ladies sound completely panic-stricken, like I’m going to storm right in.

I work the night shift, and there is not another lady on staff to ask.

GENTLE READER: A solution to this is in use in most American airports today, although Miss Manners is unaware of the identity of the clever colleague of yours who first put it into practice.

Acquire a small sign saying that the facility is being cleaned, and place it in front of the entrance to the women's restroom -- then leave it there while you go work on the men’s room. That should give anyone in the women’s restroom enough time to clear out, allowing you to proceed there with a clear conscience.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I inwardly cringe when I’m given a plant that doesn’t fit with my garden plan. I usually let it sit in its pot for a while and eventually drop it into the compost heap.

Which is the better response: Accept the gift and later compost it? Or tell the person I'd prefer to decline their gift, as it doesn’t fit my plan?

GENTLE READER: The former. The plant, even if its feelings are hurt, won’t be able to tell anyone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whether at home, at another person’s house or in a restaurant, what does one do when food from one’s plate drops on the table?

GENTLE READER: Although she is inclined to think of those as three separate questions, Miss Manners acknowledges a common first step in all scenarios: Do not pretend that it did not happen.

At home, you will likely have to clean it up yourself. At someone else’s house or in a restaurant, you will want to draw it to the attention of a host or waiter. Ask for assistance, but also offer to do the work -- with more or less conviction and insistence depending on the setting, the level of formality and the extent of the resulting mess.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m going to be wed soon and plan to have a receiving line. This will be during the cocktail hour between the wedding and reception, while the venue is rearranged.

Is there a way to politely decline hugging people during this? I’m dreading the mishaps that will occur while holding food and drink, not to mention mussing up my hair. Are two-handed handshakes suitable enough?

GENTLE READER: No and yes. That is, handshakes are suitable, but hugs from the awkward uncle who does not know what to do with his plate -- even if he has not yet had a cocktail -- may be unavoidable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting married, for the third time, later this year. In between her marriages, she has had lengthy relationships with other men.

I’m OK with all of that, except for one thing: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it’s her first. She is planning on wearing a traditional white wedding dress, despite the fact that she has two grown children from the other marriages. She has signed up for a bridal registry and is planning on having a lavish post-wedding celebration.

Am I an old-school traditionalist, or is the meaning of the white wedding dress a thing of the past?

GENTLE READER: Far in the past. Big white dresses have been the uniform for all brides for decades now. Whether previously married, elderly, pregnant or surrounded by their children, they all don the uniform.

And you know what? Miss Manners is not sorry.

After the white dress fashion was started by Queen Victoria, the idea got around that it symbolized virginity. But the vulgarity of reading the dress as truthful or not about the body inside was astounding. People -- even wedding guests, who presumably liked the couple -- speculated about whether a particular bride was “entitled” to wear white.

It was disgusting. So let’s not start that up again.

Just between us, yes, Miss Manners finds all the overblown, costumed pageantry somewhat comical. But she does not want to spoil the fun of those who enjoy it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, our family has grown considerably. Our nieces and nephews have children of their own now, many of our friends now have grandchildren, etc. I used to send presents to everyone, but now that I’m retired, I’ve decided to stop. I’m wondering if this is rude.

I had some recipients who never said "thank you," but others who were truly touched by my thoughtfulness. The problem is that they all talk to each other. I didn’t want to play favorites or hurt anyone’s feelings, so I stopped completely.

Most of these kids are overly spoiled and barely know us, anyway, since we live out of state. But I think I have hurt one relative, whom I love to pieces, by not sending gifts anymore. I told her why, and she says she understands, but I feel so guilty.

I do text everyone "happy birthday" and send cards, just not presents. What is your opinion on gift-giving etiquette for seniors?

GENTLE READER: Astonishment that it took you this long to realize that sending presents to people who never react to them is a thankless task (as it were).

“Playing favorites” carries the implication of an arbitrary choice conferring an undeserved advantage. That would be hardly the case if you chose to give presents to relatives who appreciated them, but not to those who ignored them.

Of course you can retire yourself from the whole effort. Miss Manners would consider the need to save money and/or energy good reasons for doing so. But like you, she regrets the cutoff for the one recipient who appreciated your efforts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)