DEAR MISS MANNERS: I travel frequently, and I have noticed that airports are reducing the number of seats at the gates. I will arrive at the gate more than an hour before boarding, only to find all the seats already taken -- except for the three holding someone's coats and pillows, or the one next to a couple with their luggage on it.

If I ask, I am told that they are holding the seat for a friend. Many times, that friend never shows up, or arrives 90 minutes later, when the plane is boarding.

While I am not elderly, standing in one spot for over an hour is uncomfortable. Is there a polite way to ask if I could just use the seat until their friend gets back? I would be happy to give up the seat at that time; I just want to sit down for a few minutes.

GENTLE READER: It is perfectly polite to say exactly that.

If you are up for it, Miss Manners thinks it would also be fun to just stand there, looking more frail and elderly than you are, until they finally give up.

Fun, she realizes, is relative. But at the airport, the bar is already pretty low.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go by a shortened version of my first name because I feel it suits me better than my full name. Even my parents started using the shortened name when I was a child, as they agreed it fit me better.

As the manager of our intramural kickball team, I send out many emails to the players and always sign off using my shortened name, which most people follow. However, one player continues to use my full name in conversations every week.

How can I politely let them know that I find my full name unpleasant on the ear and would prefer that they use my shortened name?

GENTLE READER: By treating the request as an act of intimacy and not a chastisement: “I think we know each other well enough now that you can call me Gen, not Genevieve. All my friends do, and it’s what I prefer.”

Shortening someone’s name can be a sign of familiarity. But with a new relationship, it can be overly so. Miss Manners suggests you act as though the people who make this mistake are being cautious -- not trying to upset you. Acquaintances will hardly know you well enough to do that yet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family members often gush about a band that I don’t like. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, so I try to find some nice things to say. What follows is that I’m sent CDs, T-shirts, etc. related to said band.

I thank the givers, then put the items aside, but I also have the feeling I’ve deceived my family. Is there a way to gently let them know I’m not as enthusiastic as they are?

GENTLE READER: “That is a good band, but you know which one I like?” Rather than desperately trying to find something to like in their choice, see how willing they are to gush about yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I kindly tell my sister that her son’s texts to the family are annoying?

He’s 14, and his texts and phone etiquette leave us scratching our heads. He doesn’t “read the room,” often sending gifs and memes more appropriate for his friends than a family chat that includes his mom, aunts and grandparents. Or he will call several times in a row, then call us mean if we don’t answer.

GENTLE READER: Is there a chance that this boy is trying to communicate with you?

The multiple phone calls and texts would indicate so.

Miss Manners suggests redirecting his misguided attempts by saying, “I’m sorry that I don’t understand the gifs and memes you send, but if you would like to chat or go out for a meal or a walk, I would be happy to do that with you.”

You could initiate this, of course, by answering the phone -- before it gets mean.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted two couples for dinner at our home that went very well. The next day, I was experiencing some stomach upset and GI issues. I am not sure if the culprit was the food I served, but if so, it may have been that the lettuce was not thoroughly washed.

I texted my guests to thank them again for coming and let them know we enjoyed their company. I also told them about my GI issues and asked if they were experiencing any symptoms, saying that if they were, I apologized profusely.

My husband told me that it was rude to inquire about their health, since we weren’t sure about whether it was the food that made me sick. He also said I “put them on the spot” regarding either confirming that my culinary error made them sick or fibbing to make me feel better.

GENTLE READER: There are ways to inquire about others’ health without going into sordid details. The phrase “GI issues,” for example, need not be uttered (twice, here, making Miss Manners herself rather queasy).

Instead, you may say, “I do hope that you are feeling well after our dinner. I myself felt a bit off, so I just wanted to check on you.”

And make sure that next time, you thoroughly wash that lettuce.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I are gay men in our 30s. We are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and we seem to be the only ones. When I’m in spaces meant for queer people and I mention that I’m in a relationship, I often get asked, “Are you guys open?”

I can’t tell if this is a come-on or a simple question, but I can’t stand it.

I have no problem with other people being polyamorous or being in open relationships, but I think it’s tacky to always talk about it or put one’s business out there. It's even worse when it feels like people are pressuring you to break your monogamous ways.

How do I answer this question truthfully without getting offended or coming off like a fuddy-duddy?

GENTLE READER: “No.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a member of several organizations. Frequently I’ve sent updates or comments to the leaders of these groups, who then forward my email to everyone with their reply.

Do I need to put a “for your eyes only” disclaimer on each email? That seems a bit stiff, but my emails aren’t necessarily for publication!

GENTLE READER: That you are tempted to add such a disclaimer suggests to Miss Manners that you already know something about the recipients: namely, that they hit Reply All on every email, or that they do not actually read anything that is sent to them. Alternatively, you might not know these persons well enough to predict what they will do with your correspondence.

In either case, a more effective solution would be to ensure that your emails actually are ready for such distribution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I treated a friend to lunch, but when we entered the restaurant, she mentioned that someplace else was better. I was a little taken aback and thought it was just an unconscious slip, but then this happened again with a different friend.

What could I have said to indicate that their comments were rude without offending them?

GENTLE READER: It is impolite to tell others that they are being rude, but perhaps Miss Manners can accommodate you by making them feel foolish instead.

Look concerned and ask, in a quiet voice, if they would prefer to go somewhere else instead. As this will likely be occurring while the waiter is walking you to the table, your friend will immediately understand the consequence of answering in the affirmative.

This will only work if having to tell the waiter you are leaving will be more embarrassing for your friend than for you, but she trusts you will know this before attempting the experiment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be throwing myself a 60th birthday party next year. The only gift I want is the presence of the family and friends I invite to the party. I intend to include “No gifts, please” on the invitations.

All that being said, I realize some people will bring a gift anyway. Some of the people I will be inviting tend to give gifts of alcohol, which I do not want. I do not consume much alcohol to begin with, and I have specific tastes -- I don’t like dry wine, for example.

Is there a way to politely state this on the invitation? Or do I just gratefully accept any gifts of alcohol I may receive, then discreetly give it away later to someone who will enjoy it?

GENTLE READER: It has long been Miss Manners’ policy to discourage invitations that tell guests not to bring gifts -- not because she objects to the sentiment, but because she finds the bald statement of expectation impertinent.

Further appending a detailed list of instructions about what not to bring would be mystifying. The polite solution would be to throw a party -- not, specifically, a birthday party -- at which you can then admit that it is your birthday.

If you cannot do that, then, yes: Give away the gifts you did not expect, and do not want, later.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)