DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a longtime friend, and now neighbor, who cannot consume food orally due to extensive cancer surgeries and treatments years ago. They can consume very limited quantities of liquids, but they use a tube-feeding process for all nutrition, and have done so for years.

We will soon host a formal, seated dinner party for a dozen neighbors to meet the newest people who have moved to our street. This includes our friend. The friend accepted our invitation, obviously wishing to be included in the introductions and conversation, which was our desired outcome.

They have attended several casual social events at our home in the past, but never a seated event centered around a meal. What is the most polite way to set the dinner table when one person will not be eating any food? Should there still be plates and flatware at their spot, or only glasses? Or a full place setting, but without any food?

We have considered offering the friend the option to use their tube-feeding method while seated at the table; the process is fairly routine and familiar to me, due to a long career in health care. However, for this individual, the process requires being reclined.

We do intend to allow this friend to give any personal explanation to the new guests, who will be unaware of the situation. But the place setting (or lack thereof), plus the lack of any food, will certainly draw everyone's attention.

GENTLE READER: Setting the table in full would be Miss Manners’ choice, to avoid forcing your friend to respond to others exclaiming, “You don’t have a plate.”

But she wonders why, in such special cases, the person who has the most experience and is most affected by the situation is not immediately consulted.

Please ask your friend for their preference.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s daughter recently died. In lieu of flowers, they suggested a donation to a charity, which we did. We will tell them we made the donation, but should we tell them how much we gave?

GENTLE READER: Why?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do we have until March to send New Year’s cards?

GENTLE READER: It depends on what turn-of-the-year you are celebrating.

Oh, go ahead when you are ready. Miss Manners suspects that the recipients will just blame the post office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I travel frequently, and I have noticed that airports are reducing the number of seats at the gates. I will arrive at the gate more than an hour before boarding, only to find all the seats already taken -- except for the three holding someone's coats and pillows, or the one next to a couple with their luggage on it.

If I ask, I am told that they are holding the seat for a friend. Many times, that friend never shows up, or arrives 90 minutes later, when the plane is boarding.

While I am not elderly, standing in one spot for over an hour is uncomfortable. Is there a polite way to ask if I could just use the seat until their friend gets back? I would be happy to give up the seat at that time; I just want to sit down for a few minutes.

GENTLE READER: It is perfectly polite to say exactly that.

If you are up for it, Miss Manners thinks it would also be fun to just stand there, looking more frail and elderly than you are, until they finally give up.

Fun, she realizes, is relative. But at the airport, the bar is already pretty low.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go by a shortened version of my first name because I feel it suits me better than my full name. Even my parents started using the shortened name when I was a child, as they agreed it fit me better.

As the manager of our intramural kickball team, I send out many emails to the players and always sign off using my shortened name, which most people follow. However, one player continues to use my full name in conversations every week.

How can I politely let them know that I find my full name unpleasant on the ear and would prefer that they use my shortened name?

GENTLE READER: By treating the request as an act of intimacy and not a chastisement: “I think we know each other well enough now that you can call me Gen, not Genevieve. All my friends do, and it’s what I prefer.”

Shortening someone’s name can be a sign of familiarity. But with a new relationship, it can be overly so. Miss Manners suggests you act as though the people who make this mistake are being cautious -- not trying to upset you. Acquaintances will hardly know you well enough to do that yet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family members often gush about a band that I don’t like. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, so I try to find some nice things to say. What follows is that I’m sent CDs, T-shirts, etc. related to said band.

I thank the givers, then put the items aside, but I also have the feeling I’ve deceived my family. Is there a way to gently let them know I’m not as enthusiastic as they are?

GENTLE READER: “That is a good band, but you know which one I like?” Rather than desperately trying to find something to like in their choice, see how willing they are to gush about yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I kindly tell my sister that her son’s texts to the family are annoying?

He’s 14, and his texts and phone etiquette leave us scratching our heads. He doesn’t “read the room,” often sending gifs and memes more appropriate for his friends than a family chat that includes his mom, aunts and grandparents. Or he will call several times in a row, then call us mean if we don’t answer.

GENTLE READER: Is there a chance that this boy is trying to communicate with you?

The multiple phone calls and texts would indicate so.

Miss Manners suggests redirecting his misguided attempts by saying, “I’m sorry that I don’t understand the gifs and memes you send, but if you would like to chat or go out for a meal or a walk, I would be happy to do that with you.”

You could initiate this, of course, by answering the phone -- before it gets mean.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted two couples for dinner at our home that went very well. The next day, I was experiencing some stomach upset and GI issues. I am not sure if the culprit was the food I served, but if so, it may have been that the lettuce was not thoroughly washed.

I texted my guests to thank them again for coming and let them know we enjoyed their company. I also told them about my GI issues and asked if they were experiencing any symptoms, saying that if they were, I apologized profusely.

My husband told me that it was rude to inquire about their health, since we weren’t sure about whether it was the food that made me sick. He also said I “put them on the spot” regarding either confirming that my culinary error made them sick or fibbing to make me feel better.

GENTLE READER: There are ways to inquire about others’ health without going into sordid details. The phrase “GI issues,” for example, need not be uttered (twice, here, making Miss Manners herself rather queasy).

Instead, you may say, “I do hope that you are feeling well after our dinner. I myself felt a bit off, so I just wanted to check on you.”

And make sure that next time, you thoroughly wash that lettuce.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I are gay men in our 30s. We are in a committed, monogamous relationship, and we seem to be the only ones. When I’m in spaces meant for queer people and I mention that I’m in a relationship, I often get asked, “Are you guys open?”

I can’t tell if this is a come-on or a simple question, but I can’t stand it.

I have no problem with other people being polyamorous or being in open relationships, but I think it’s tacky to always talk about it or put one’s business out there. It's even worse when it feels like people are pressuring you to break your monogamous ways.

How do I answer this question truthfully without getting offended or coming off like a fuddy-duddy?

GENTLE READER: “No.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)