DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited by a friend who works in our state’s governor’s office to attend a college football game in the university president’s box. This is a nationally recognized university, but not an Ivy League school.

At the game, the president asked me what college I had attended, then gave me a condescending stare when I named the school (which I attended over 50 years ago). My alma mater is a state university, not unlike his institution, and it was all I could afford at the time.

He then proceeded to correct my grammar on something else I had said. It was an odd, technical correction, and I think my words reflected my regional dialect rather than any misuse of the English language. Still, it surprised me and felt very awkward.

I didn’t respond to his comments, but instead thanked him for allowing me to visit his box, and then walked away. I was embarrassed for the friend who had brought me, who kept apologizing to me.

Since this has never happened before, and I enjoy attending college football games whenever offered, I would like to know how Miss Manners would have handled this.

GENTLE READER: For what is the university recognized nationally? Tolerating a president with nothing better to do than embarrass a guest? Is that his technique for charming alumni and donors?

Miss Manners would have handled the situation exactly as you did. And probably advised her young relatives to apply elsewhere.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should pie a la mode be served on a plate with a fork, or in a bowl with a spoon?

I am always frustrated when I am served a dessert topped with a scoop of ice cream on a flat plate with a fork. The ice cream invariably melts and is impossible to eat, especially if the pie is warm!

When I suggest that it should be served in a bowl with a spoon, I am told that is not how pie should be served. What says Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: That the fork and spoon are not like a couple who had a nasty divorce and are forcing their friends to choose between them. Rather, they are like a couple who should be invited together, unless there is an obvious reason to ask only one of them.

For people, such an occasion might be a ladies’ spa day, where the husband would not be invited. In the case of flatware, the analogous dish might be ice cream alone, where the fork would be superfluous. (Miss Manners will refrain from the case of ice cream forks, because she hasn’t seen a lot of them around lately.)

So both fork and spoon should be provided when the dessert has both gooey and dry elements. They may be used separately or together, with the fork in the left hand and the spoon in the right. You might want to eat the ice cream before it collapses, because you should, indeed, use a plate for pie -- to avoid squishing it into a bowl.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a longtime friend, and now neighbor, who cannot consume food orally due to extensive cancer surgeries and treatments years ago. They can consume very limited quantities of liquids, but they use a tube-feeding process for all nutrition, and have done so for years.

We will soon host a formal, seated dinner party for a dozen neighbors to meet the newest people who have moved to our street. This includes our friend. The friend accepted our invitation, obviously wishing to be included in the introductions and conversation, which was our desired outcome.

They have attended several casual social events at our home in the past, but never a seated event centered around a meal. What is the most polite way to set the dinner table when one person will not be eating any food? Should there still be plates and flatware at their spot, or only glasses? Or a full place setting, but without any food?

We have considered offering the friend the option to use their tube-feeding method while seated at the table; the process is fairly routine and familiar to me, due to a long career in health care. However, for this individual, the process requires being reclined.

We do intend to allow this friend to give any personal explanation to the new guests, who will be unaware of the situation. But the place setting (or lack thereof), plus the lack of any food, will certainly draw everyone's attention.

GENTLE READER: Setting the table in full would be Miss Manners’ choice, to avoid forcing your friend to respond to others exclaiming, “You don’t have a plate.”

But she wonders why, in such special cases, the person who has the most experience and is most affected by the situation is not immediately consulted.

Please ask your friend for their preference.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend’s daughter recently died. In lieu of flowers, they suggested a donation to a charity, which we did. We will tell them we made the donation, but should we tell them how much we gave?

GENTLE READER: Why?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do we have until March to send New Year’s cards?

GENTLE READER: It depends on what turn-of-the-year you are celebrating.

Oh, go ahead when you are ready. Miss Manners suspects that the recipients will just blame the post office.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I travel frequently, and I have noticed that airports are reducing the number of seats at the gates. I will arrive at the gate more than an hour before boarding, only to find all the seats already taken -- except for the three holding someone's coats and pillows, or the one next to a couple with their luggage on it.

If I ask, I am told that they are holding the seat for a friend. Many times, that friend never shows up, or arrives 90 minutes later, when the plane is boarding.

While I am not elderly, standing in one spot for over an hour is uncomfortable. Is there a polite way to ask if I could just use the seat until their friend gets back? I would be happy to give up the seat at that time; I just want to sit down for a few minutes.

GENTLE READER: It is perfectly polite to say exactly that.

If you are up for it, Miss Manners thinks it would also be fun to just stand there, looking more frail and elderly than you are, until they finally give up.

Fun, she realizes, is relative. But at the airport, the bar is already pretty low.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go by a shortened version of my first name because I feel it suits me better than my full name. Even my parents started using the shortened name when I was a child, as they agreed it fit me better.

As the manager of our intramural kickball team, I send out many emails to the players and always sign off using my shortened name, which most people follow. However, one player continues to use my full name in conversations every week.

How can I politely let them know that I find my full name unpleasant on the ear and would prefer that they use my shortened name?

GENTLE READER: By treating the request as an act of intimacy and not a chastisement: “I think we know each other well enough now that you can call me Gen, not Genevieve. All my friends do, and it’s what I prefer.”

Shortening someone’s name can be a sign of familiarity. But with a new relationship, it can be overly so. Miss Manners suggests you act as though the people who make this mistake are being cautious -- not trying to upset you. Acquaintances will hardly know you well enough to do that yet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family members often gush about a band that I don’t like. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, so I try to find some nice things to say. What follows is that I’m sent CDs, T-shirts, etc. related to said band.

I thank the givers, then put the items aside, but I also have the feeling I’ve deceived my family. Is there a way to gently let them know I’m not as enthusiastic as they are?

GENTLE READER: “That is a good band, but you know which one I like?” Rather than desperately trying to find something to like in their choice, see how willing they are to gush about yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)