DEAR MISS MANNERS: This time of year, it often rains in the afternoon, and so I carry an umbrella with me. However, many people do not.

On occasion, it will start raining when I am in a crowd -- at the ballpark, for example, or waiting for the light to change on a crowded sidewalk. If I open my umbrella, then the rain that hits it falls onto the people next to me, most of whom do not have umbrellas. Several have commented that it is rude or selfish of me to add to their rain burden.

While I understand their unhappiness, it was their choice to leave the house without an umbrella. Is it rude of me to use mine in these situations?

GENTLE READER: Are you hoping that Miss Manners will say it is fine that your umbrella is channeling additional water onto the person in the seat next to you because you are only adding to the soaking that umbrella-less people deserve? Or that poking someone in the eye when you open it is reasonable collateral damage?

Those hopes would be in vain.

If you have -- or want -- a relationship with someone next to you, you can offer to share. If not, you are going to have to find a way to create some distance from those who are less prepared.

If absolutely stuck next to them, you could open your umbrella just enough to make a small tent over your head, in which case it will drip only onto your own shoulders. But you would be excused for grumbling that it rains on the just and the unjust.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am lucky enough to have gardens all around my house, including along a city sidewalk. My problem is how to respond in a cordial, or at least a civil, way to friends and neighbors who ask me complicated questions about my garden while I am working in it.

These are not people who know how to garden, which is part of why answering them is complicated. I hate to be rude, but I also want to complete my task.

My responses have included pretending I don’t hear the person, or saying, "If you really want to know about this, we can find a time to talk when I’m not gardening." But my rudeness doesn’t stop them!

I don’t want to resort to running and hiding, since then I leave the task undone. My plants need me more than my questioners!

GENTLE READER: While she agrees that neither pretending not to hear nor running and hiding are good solutions, Miss Manners believes that offering a later time will work if you persist politely.

The key may be to keep working while you make the offer. If the questioner tries to keep the conversation going (“Yes, but I was wondering ...”), the answer is, “That’s exactly the sort of thing we should find another time to discuss" -- as you continue to dig and water.

You can then say “excuse me” and find a task that requires you to face a different direction.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately it has seemed that the phrases “We’re pregnant” and “They’re pregnant” have been subsumed into acceptable usage.

Although I’m not a doctor, last time I checked, only women get pregnant. There is no biological reality where a woman and her partner are both pregnant with the same baby. Hence, “My partner is pregnant” or “They’re expecting” are more accurate.

I understand that society is ablaze with inclusive pronouns, but this is beyond the pale. Only one person will be wrangling the actual pregnancy. There is no “we” when she’s vomiting, being painfully kicked from inside her body, or going through the trials of labor and delivery. Her risk of severe problems from pregnancy and childbirth should at least allow her to own the condition.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners believes that those you condemn likely grasp basic biology, and are referring to their shared commitment, she finds herself more interested in a fundamental question of our time.

That is: When is it right to be angry about others’ harmless choices? And its corollary: When does the correctness of one’s position justify gagging etiquette and locking her in the closet?

Contrary to popular opinion, the answer to both questions is "almost never."

You are clearly not going to use plural pronouns for your own or your partner’s possible pregnancies. But please refrain from accosting couples who do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a children’s birthday party at a well-known pizza place where tables are reserved for a few hours and the children can play games. My group arrived 10 minutes late to find that the other guests, including the parents of the other kids, were already being served. I didn’t really mind, because my party did not include kids.

However, another group that arrived 20 minutes after the start time did include children, and they didn’t get any pizza: The host refused to order for them because they were late. The poor kids were devastated.

Should the host have ordered more food for the latecomers, especially since the other parents were eating food meant for the children?

GENTLE READER: Put another way, was the host correct to publicly chastise the parents and punish them, and their children, by withholding food? Miss Manners is confident you already know the answer is no.

A more interesting question is how the group that arrived after you should have responded. Many adults will think that the host’s rudeness justifies an angry response -- and of course, that would vastly entertain the children. But that would be wrong. They should order their own food and be charming to the birthday child -- and icily proper with the host.

If the children are of an age to understand, one can take satisfaction in explaining the lesson in the car on the way home -- namely, that one’s behavior demonstrates one’s character. We behave well because we are good, decent people. Johnny’s mom was rude because ... she is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited by a friend who works in our state’s governor’s office to attend a college football game in the university president’s box. This is a nationally recognized university, but not an Ivy League school.

At the game, the president asked me what college I had attended, then gave me a condescending stare when I named the school (which I attended over 50 years ago). My alma mater is a state university, not unlike his institution, and it was all I could afford at the time.

He then proceeded to correct my grammar on something else I had said. It was an odd, technical correction, and I think my words reflected my regional dialect rather than any misuse of the English language. Still, it surprised me and felt very awkward.

I didn’t respond to his comments, but instead thanked him for allowing me to visit his box, and then walked away. I was embarrassed for the friend who had brought me, who kept apologizing to me.

Since this has never happened before, and I enjoy attending college football games whenever offered, I would like to know how Miss Manners would have handled this.

GENTLE READER: For what is the university recognized nationally? Tolerating a president with nothing better to do than embarrass a guest? Is that his technique for charming alumni and donors?

Miss Manners would have handled the situation exactly as you did. And probably advised her young relatives to apply elsewhere.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Should pie a la mode be served on a plate with a fork, or in a bowl with a spoon?

I am always frustrated when I am served a dessert topped with a scoop of ice cream on a flat plate with a fork. The ice cream invariably melts and is impossible to eat, especially if the pie is warm!

When I suggest that it should be served in a bowl with a spoon, I am told that is not how pie should be served. What says Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: That the fork and spoon are not like a couple who had a nasty divorce and are forcing their friends to choose between them. Rather, they are like a couple who should be invited together, unless there is an obvious reason to ask only one of them.

For people, such an occasion might be a ladies’ spa day, where the husband would not be invited. In the case of flatware, the analogous dish might be ice cream alone, where the fork would be superfluous. (Miss Manners will refrain from the case of ice cream forks, because she hasn’t seen a lot of them around lately.)

So both fork and spoon should be provided when the dessert has both gooey and dry elements. They may be used separately or together, with the fork in the left hand and the spoon in the right. You might want to eat the ice cream before it collapses, because you should, indeed, use a plate for pie -- to avoid squishing it into a bowl.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)