DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 67-year-old man who works out regularly at a gym. The gym is open 24/7, and members have a key fob to enter since it is not always staffed.

I was exercising at 9 p.m., and the only other person there was a young, attractive woman, probably in her 40s. We exchanged pleasantries. When I was finished with my workout, I realized I did not feel comfortable leaving a young woman alone there at night. I was especially concerned about her walking out to her car by herself.

After my workout, I sat on a bench near the door, waiting for her to finish so I could make sure she got to her car all right. Miss Manners, I did not keep talking to her while she finished exercising; I just looked at my phone quietly. I did nothing untoward to her.

As she left the building, she said, “Have a good night.” Then I watched her from inside the gym to make sure she got in her car safely. After she drove off, I left. I intentionally waited until her car drove away before leaving so she didn’t think I was trying to follow her.

Several days later, the gym owner approached me and said that when I’m finished exercising, I need to leave immediately and not linger. He said this was for the safety of all members.

Safety! That’s exactly why I was “lingering”!

Did I do something wrong here? Should a man not try to keep a woman safe? I thought I was being chivalrous.

GENTLE READER: How was the young lady supposed to know that?

If she, like you, worries about strange men targeting her -- well, what do you look like, hanging idly around while she is alone in the gym?

Miss Manners is all for people watching out for one another. But the trouble with chivalry is that the chevalier decides what is best for the lady without consulting her.

You could have said, “If you’re concerned about safety in the parking lot, I could stay and watch from the window to make sure you’re OK.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it bad manners to tell an old person that she looks young for her age?

GENTLE READER: Can’t you just tell her how good she looks?

Miss Manners is aware that the society considers it an embarrassment to grow older, and therefore most people are flattered to "pass" for ages younger than their own.

However, those who do not accept that premise consider it patronizing to be treated as if they do -- to be addressed as “young lady” or “young man” when one is obviously not, for instance. And there is no need to attach that to a compliment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My difficult mother-in-law has lost her husband. I don’t want to do anything for her, since she never appreciates it and always wants more. But I feel bad for her, since she is old and alone.

There are two sisters, but they don’t have a relationship with her. I am confused. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: You mean other than prompt your spouse to help his or her mother?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have friends who seem to think every little milestone should be celebrated like a small wedding. They hold celebrations and attach a wish list, sometimes with hundreds of gift ideas, to every invitation. Birthday parties, gender-reveal parties, baby showers (for every child, often asking for a box of diapers as well as a gift), housewarming parties ... it’s never-ending.

Should I mention that a thank-you card is never issued? Never. No "Thank you for coming" words are spoken. There is no real heartfelt appreciation for attendance or gifts.

I feel guilty declining these invitations, but at the same time, I honestly believe these are just gift-grabbing events. I do think I would feel differently if there was some feeling of genuine appreciation.

I would like to just decline the invitations, but it has been expressed to me that I should let the host know why I’m declining.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, there are people who think of life as a series of gift-grabbing events. And there are others who assume that people only marry, go to school or have children in order to collect from others.

That is a lot of nastiness to place on the ordinary milestones of life.

However, Miss Manners sadly notes that it does sound as if that is what your friends are doing. That they can manage to keep sending out their shopping lists, but not any thanks to the targeted shoppers, has accurately told you their priorities.

Small wonder you do not want to feed their greed. The only polite way to tell them that is to refuse their invitations, which you have done. And they are not listening.

Oh, wait: Miss Manners just thought of another polite way.

Presents may be customary, but they are not compulsory. Therefore, you could attend the parties but choose not to add to the warehouse. Should your friend be so crude as to mention the omission, you could say, “I am just happy to celebrate with you. And I know you have a lot of stuff.”

Oh, maybe not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am pregnant, and I’d like to host a coed party to celebrate it. Not a baby shower: I do not want any gifts, and I do not want anyone else to have to shoulder the burden of hosting. And not a gender-reveal party, because I think they are a little embarrassing and emphasize something that isn’t important to me. So that’s out, too.

What do I call this party?

GENTLE READER: You have to name the baby, but what makes you think you have to name the party?

Miss Manners knows the answer. Cooperative dinners and restaurant excursions have taken over ordinary socializing, to the exclusion of just-for-fun parties. The exception is milestone celebrations, so you feel you must name one -- but as you note, those come with expectations.

You just want to have a pleasant time with your friends. To that end, Miss Manners suggests that you simply call it "a party."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for disembarking a plane when the aisles are full and someone's bag is several rows behind them?

I was getting off a flight when a couple in the row in front of me tried to get other passengers to retrieve their large carry-on bags from the overhead compartments, four rows back, and pass them up to them. When that didn’t happen, the man pushed back through those of us standing in the aisle.

When I suggested he wait a minute or two and we’d be cleared out of his way, he very loudly told me that I didn’t know disembarking etiquette and that everyone behind him should have waited for him to get his bag.

It would be helpful to have your input for our collective travel in the crowded skies.

GENTLE READER: Public chastisement in the name of etiquette is Miss Manners’ least favorite form of free advertising.

This person’s method was not even logical, because other passengers could hardly be expected to know where his bag was and at what point to stop passing it.

Had he been more courteous, others might have taken pity on him and asked if they could help. As it was, he made a challenging situation worse -- and turned his fellow travelers from potential allies to adversaries.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I refused to attend the wedding of one of the teachers at my wife’s dance studio when the invitation included their bank account info, asking for "cash gifts ONLY." The wedding was at a remote location, with the closest hotel 45 minutes away, in the middle of the forest with no illumination down some unpaved roads.

My wife attended and deposited the cash gift. Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Yes. But only because you abandoned your wife in the middle of a forest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I spent a few days with some friends at a house in a rural setting near a small lake. During our stay, the electricity went out.

The toilets did not work for over 24 hours, and we had to use buckets for the waste we generated. After the toilets were working, our host disposed of our collected waste in the lake. Doing so was against the law in the state we were in. It was also an ecological crime because even an infinitesimal amount of feces will pollute a lake.

We said nothing at the time. When a host commits both a crime and causes an ecological disaster, what is a guest supposed to do? Should we have stopped our host? Should we have said something?

GENTLE READER: It is not an unreasonable expectation that the owner of a house be familiar with the laws and idiosyncrasies of its state. Deferring to your hosts and their expertise is indeed logical and polite.

But if you know that a crime is being committed, speaking up is imperative. Because even Miss Manners will admit that etiquette is not above the law. If your friend gets caught and you are named as an accessory, “I was just being polite” will probably not serve to exonerate you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)