DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two months ago, my parents asked if they could stay with my fiancee and me for a few nights. (They live in a different part of the country.) After checking with my fiancee, we agreed, and my parents are coming for a four-night visit.

Last week, my fiancee announced that her mother and sister, who also live in a different part of the country, would be passing through town on either end of a vacation. We’ve agreed to host them for one night, but the other night overlaps with my parents’ visit.

My fiancee wants to offer to host them when my parents are here. I’ve suggested we pay for a hotel room instead.

There are a few issues at play: For one, my fiancee’s mother stayed with us for over a week in the spring, and my parents have never visited. And we only have one guest bed, so someone would need to sleep on an air mattress on the floor.

But what it really boils down to is that these sets of in-laws have never met each other. I think it would be best to introduce everyone over dinner -- after which, everyone can retreat to their own spaces -- rather than being jammed together in our smallish house. Am I being mean and ungenerous?

GENTLE READER: It has occurred to Miss Manners that the genie of legend may have taken to granting wishes based on an overly literal reading of summoners’ requests only after millennia of asking, “Is that really what you want?”

She has no insight into whether you are being mean or ungenerous. And she thinks many of the points you introduce will raise the temperature in an already-crowded house without solving the central question.

The question to be asked is, “Dearest, don’t you think that the best way for our parents to meet for the first time is over a lovely dinner -- not fighting for towels in the bathroom?” This will then lead logically to a hotel for her parents, since their stay is the shorter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss: My best friend has asked me to officiate her wedding to a guy I can’t stand. I’m not sure if I should tell her the truth or try to get out of it another way.

GENTLE READER: These are related, but separate, problems, which are going to require further inquiry into the reason for your dislike.

You should certainly tell your friend if your objections contain information she does not possess, and which would constitute a substantive reason for calling off the wedding -- for example, if you and her fiance are still legally married.

If your dislike affects only yourself, then you might find a reason that is less fully truthful, but also less likely to dampen your friend’s enthusiasm on the day -- perhaps that, if you were officiating, you do not feel you would be able to enjoy her happiness as much as you would like.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 67-year-old man who works out regularly at a gym. The gym is open 24/7, and members have a key fob to enter since it is not always staffed.

I was exercising at 9 p.m., and the only other person there was a young, attractive woman, probably in her 40s. We exchanged pleasantries. When I was finished with my workout, I realized I did not feel comfortable leaving a young woman alone there at night. I was especially concerned about her walking out to her car by herself.

After my workout, I sat on a bench near the door, waiting for her to finish so I could make sure she got to her car all right. Miss Manners, I did not keep talking to her while she finished exercising; I just looked at my phone quietly. I did nothing untoward to her.

As she left the building, she said, “Have a good night.” Then I watched her from inside the gym to make sure she got in her car safely. After she drove off, I left. I intentionally waited until her car drove away before leaving so she didn’t think I was trying to follow her.

Several days later, the gym owner approached me and said that when I’m finished exercising, I need to leave immediately and not linger. He said this was for the safety of all members.

Safety! That’s exactly why I was “lingering”!

Did I do something wrong here? Should a man not try to keep a woman safe? I thought I was being chivalrous.

GENTLE READER: How was the young lady supposed to know that?

If she, like you, worries about strange men targeting her -- well, what do you look like, hanging idly around while she is alone in the gym?

Miss Manners is all for people watching out for one another. But the trouble with chivalry is that the chevalier decides what is best for the lady without consulting her.

You could have said, “If you’re concerned about safety in the parking lot, I could stay and watch from the window to make sure you’re OK.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it bad manners to tell an old person that she looks young for her age?

GENTLE READER: Can’t you just tell her how good she looks?

Miss Manners is aware that the society considers it an embarrassment to grow older, and therefore most people are flattered to "pass" for ages younger than their own.

However, those who do not accept that premise consider it patronizing to be treated as if they do -- to be addressed as “young lady” or “young man” when one is obviously not, for instance. And there is no need to attach that to a compliment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My difficult mother-in-law has lost her husband. I don’t want to do anything for her, since she never appreciates it and always wants more. But I feel bad for her, since she is old and alone.

There are two sisters, but they don’t have a relationship with her. I am confused. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: You mean other than prompt your spouse to help his or her mother?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have friends who seem to think every little milestone should be celebrated like a small wedding. They hold celebrations and attach a wish list, sometimes with hundreds of gift ideas, to every invitation. Birthday parties, gender-reveal parties, baby showers (for every child, often asking for a box of diapers as well as a gift), housewarming parties ... it’s never-ending.

Should I mention that a thank-you card is never issued? Never. No "Thank you for coming" words are spoken. There is no real heartfelt appreciation for attendance or gifts.

I feel guilty declining these invitations, but at the same time, I honestly believe these are just gift-grabbing events. I do think I would feel differently if there was some feeling of genuine appreciation.

I would like to just decline the invitations, but it has been expressed to me that I should let the host know why I’m declining.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, there are people who think of life as a series of gift-grabbing events. And there are others who assume that people only marry, go to school or have children in order to collect from others.

That is a lot of nastiness to place on the ordinary milestones of life.

However, Miss Manners sadly notes that it does sound as if that is what your friends are doing. That they can manage to keep sending out their shopping lists, but not any thanks to the targeted shoppers, has accurately told you their priorities.

Small wonder you do not want to feed their greed. The only polite way to tell them that is to refuse their invitations, which you have done. And they are not listening.

Oh, wait: Miss Manners just thought of another polite way.

Presents may be customary, but they are not compulsory. Therefore, you could attend the parties but choose not to add to the warehouse. Should your friend be so crude as to mention the omission, you could say, “I am just happy to celebrate with you. And I know you have a lot of stuff.”

Oh, maybe not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am pregnant, and I’d like to host a coed party to celebrate it. Not a baby shower: I do not want any gifts, and I do not want anyone else to have to shoulder the burden of hosting. And not a gender-reveal party, because I think they are a little embarrassing and emphasize something that isn’t important to me. So that’s out, too.

What do I call this party?

GENTLE READER: You have to name the baby, but what makes you think you have to name the party?

Miss Manners knows the answer. Cooperative dinners and restaurant excursions have taken over ordinary socializing, to the exclusion of just-for-fun parties. The exception is milestone celebrations, so you feel you must name one -- but as you note, those come with expectations.

You just want to have a pleasant time with your friends. To that end, Miss Manners suggests that you simply call it "a party."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)