DEAR MISS MANNERS: My child’s school is having a staff appreciation week, which isn’t a bad idea, given the effort they put in and how they enhance our kids’ lives. What strikes me as extremely gauche, however, is that it’s organized and run by the school, while asking parents to contribute.

This seems like the kind of thing that parents should organize if they want to, rather than being pressured into it by the school. If the administration wants to do it themselves, then they should fund it. Instead, here is what we are told to do:

First day: Send kind words/thanks.

Second day: Send sugary treats.

Third day: Buy something from their wish lists.

Fourth day: Staff get a special Mexican luncheon while parents cover classroom duties. (Keep in mind, students have been trying for months to get the quality of food in the cafeteria improved, while the staff claims there is no need.)

Fifth day: Send a teacher’s favorite snacks and drinks to stock their fridge.

It comes across like, “Hey, aren’t we great? Buy us stuff and tell us how great we are!” And they send reminders EVERY DAY. Tacky.

Do teachers and school staff deserve nice things? Yep. But this is not the way to go about it, in my opinion.

GENTLE READER: Then why haven’t you organized the parents to show your appreciation for the staff in a proper fashion?

You needn’t do it with sugary treats -- or, for that matter, useless apple-themed objects. Letters of thanks, by all means. Bonuses, if possible. And assistance in procuring whatever school supplies the staff needs.

But you should also learn from your distaste about the reminders: Alert other parents, but do not pressure them. Miss Manners cautions you that you do not know their financial situations, even if you think you do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a relative over the winter. While in my home, she complained about my furniture being uncomfortable, and wanted me to purchase at least a few pieces in which she could sit comfortably.

There were many ways in which I accommodated her. For instance, she complained the mattress was uncomfortable, so I purchased a foam pad to add to the mattress. She complained the bedroom was too hot, so I purchased a table fan for her. She particularly complained about the dining room chairs during meals, but I did not think a larger chair would have worked at the table. (I have a very small eating area.)

Was I wrong for refusing to purchase additional furniture for her?

GENTLE READER: Instead of buying her a house she might like better?

Miss Manners need not be reminded that one should make one’s guests comfortable. But there are limits. And there is an equal obligation for houseguests to do their best to put up with what they find.

You would have been justified in apologizing that you were unable to adjust your entire house to make her comfortable, and to offer to identify a hotel that could do so for the rest of her stay.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When serving a steak, the server will often say something along the lines of, “Please cut into the center to make sure it’s cooked the way you want it.”

At a business dinner of around 20 people, I was rather rudely corrected for doing so by someone who thought I was about to commence eating before everyone’s entree had been served.

Should I have waited until everyone was served to check my steak, even though I wasn’t eating yet? When a large group is dining in a restaurant, what is the proper protocol for checking the doneness of meat?

On other occasions, when a server has given that invitation, I always cut into the center of the steak immediately, without taking a bite of it, before eating anything else on the plate. In a smaller party when everyone’s food is served at once, it’s a nonissue.

GENTLE READER: Ah, the old, “I wasn’t starting my dinner, I was just trying it.” The optics do not really distinguish between the two. It does feel unfair, Miss Manners agrees, when the servers are coercing you into the act.

But since the few minutes’ difference between cutting your meat immediately and waiting until everyone is served is not likely to change the solution, why risk being rude to others?

Miss Manners will approach the situation from both ends, so to speak: She will urge servers to stop the practice, instead serving a steak with, “After you have had a moment to try it, please let us know ...”

But if they insist on your doing so immediately, politely tell them, “Thank you. I will let you know once everyone is served and I’ve had a chance to try it.” Since so many readers complain about overattentive servers, the wait should not be long.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I tend to cover my mouth when I talk, especially in public places. The main reason is so that my voice is lower and won’t bother people around me.

I thought I was being considerate, but my husband says that it looks weird. Is he right?

GENTLE READER: He sure is. It looks like you’re telling a secret to yourself.

Miss Manners has seen people who want to talk through a mouthful of food cover their mouths like this, but not those trying to modulate their voices.

Is lowering your volume just too obvious? Because it is certainly more intelligible and less confusing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am caring for a loved one with stage 4 cancer. She has a life expectancy of a few months -- maybe only weeks.

I have some well-meaning friends who feel that it’s helpful to send me poppycock they find on social media on quick "cures" for cancer. These messages are like a body blow, and they leave me angry and in tears.

I usually reply with a simple “thank you.” Is there another way of responding? Or should I just let it go?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you, but I assure you that the doctors are doing everything they can. I will let you know if we require any additional internet assistance.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was married this past weekend. She originally invited her maid of honor, "Sophie," without a plus-one because my daughter was unaware of any relationship. Sophie complained and asked for a plus-one so that her boyfriend, Sam (whom my daughter had never met), could attend with her. Sophie’s parents were also not invited, and this was intentional.

On the day of the wedding, while my daughter was getting ready, one hour before the ceremony, Sophie said, “I have a surprise for you. Sam can’t attend today because of a family emergency.” She then opened the door to the hotel room to reveal her mother, "Sherry," standing there. Sophie finished, “... So my mom is here to take his place.”

My daughter was put on the spot, and so were my wife and I. Sophie’s plus-one was going to be seated with her and the rest of the bridal party, so we had to rearrange the seating and find a spot for Sherry. At that point, we didn’t really have a choice in the matter, whether we wanted her there or not, without causing a potential scene.

I personally believe this was the plan by Sophie and her mother all along, once they found out her parents were not invited. To make matters worse, Sophie’s mother showed up at the after-party back at the hotel and started telling people who she was -- how she was not invited, even though she was the maid of honor’s mother. My wife and I had all we could do to restrain ourselves from throwing her out.

Aside from this one fiasco caused by Sophie and Sherry, the day was beautiful. What do you think of all of this?

GENTLE READER: That it was exceptionally rude. Miss Manners is just grateful that you were able to restrain yourself from ejecting the wedding crasher and otherwise enjoy the day.

But if you would like to exact some passive-aggressive revenge, you might try relentlessly inquiring after Sam and his family emergency.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Both of my husband's brothers came to visit us at the same time. The older brother arrived a few days earlier and chose a guest bedroom to sleep in.

The younger brother, arriving later, didn’t like the remaining available bedroom, saying he thought it was haunted. He asked to sleep on the couch, which I refused, assuring him that the room wasn’t haunted.

He’s no longer speaking to me or my husband. As a good host, should I have let him sleep on the couch?

GENTLE READER: Had your brother-in-law given you a reasonable excuse -- perhaps back pain or another physical issue -- or even made one up, Miss Manners might have been inclined to let him take the couch. The one given seems insultingly ridiculous, although Miss Manners does not know enough about ghosts to say.

In any case, giving you the silent treatment seems extreme -- and will probably come back to haunt him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)