DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to a very sweet guy for over 15 years now. I have never made a habit of keeping secrets from him, and we have a very honest relationship. However, my lifelong friend recently discovered that something from our college days has surfaced online.

It’s a video of my friend and me participating in a wet T-shirt contest during spring break. In an effort to win, we actually both lost our shirts ... and bottoms ... and got totally naked during the event. We even gave each other a little smack on the booty near the end of the contest.

Well, now it’s online. On one hand, we think, "Oh well, at least we look good, and it’s from a long time ago." On the other hand, it’s a bit embarrassing -- especially for me, because my husband would find this to be totally surprising and out of character for me.

Should my friend and I tell our husbands? We don’t know how most men would react to having an old video of their nude wives show up online!

GENTLE READER: Better coming from you than having it sent to them by a stranger for hush money.

Miss Manners therefore encourages you to get to him first, laughing it off and attributing it to the folly of youth.

No doubt your husband has blemishes in his own past that he would prefer to forget -- of which you might remind him, if he acts anything other than quietly bemused.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We used to have next-door neighbors we were extremely close with. We had meals together once or twice a week, and even watched their 2-year-old twins for a weekend when they had to leave for a funeral.

They started distancing themselves from us due to politics, and eight years ago, they moved away without even saying goodbye. Recently, out of the blue, we received some random text messages from the wife, and then, by mail, we received graduation announcements for each of their boys.

Given the break in the friendship, which was not our choice, are we obligated to send gifts? I am happy to send a nice note congratulating them on their graduation, but my partner feels we should send gifts.

GENTLE READER: A milestone announcement is not a subpoena for gifts.

Well, Miss Manners should clarify: It should not be received as one, whether or not that was its sender's true intent.

If your former neighbors really wanted to make a connection with you again, they would have invited you to the ceremony or graduation party. Then you might have wanted to give the graduates presents.

If you do decide to send a present anyway, Miss Manners trusts it will not be a political donation to your preferred party -- however tempting that may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often have lunch at fast-food restaurants. I will get five or six packets of hot sauce from the self-serve area, and when I’m finished with lunch, I just return the unopened packets to where I got them. Sometimes I get bad looks from people for doing this.

What is the etiquette for this? Should I just trash any unopened sauce packets?

GENTLE READER: Either solution is acceptable to etiquette, but this is not one you are going to win, no matter what you do.

Half of the restaurant will lecture you about the waste of throwing away the unused packets -- never mind that the packets are tiny. The other half will lecture you about its being unsanitary to return them -- never mind that they are sealed, and that they were likely stored in far less sanitary circumstances in the warehouse before they made it to the self-serve area.

But Miss Manners has a question for you: Given that the portions of everything are identical from meal to meal, would it not be simpler to decide, once and for all, how many packets you need?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at the dentist, having a cleaning, when the dentist and the hygienist began a detailed conversation about their plans for the weekend.

One said something funny and I chuckled -- as much as one can with tools in one’s mouth -- at which point a pause in their conversation led me to believe I had committed a faux pas by eavesdropping.

In the future, should I pretend to be part of the furniture?

GENTLE READER: Or more like a plant being pruned or watered?

Miss Manners suspects that the dentist and hygienist, just like all those people yelling into their phones in public and then glaring at passersby, indeed thought you were eavesdropping.

You were not.

In fact, you may have done them a favor by reminding them that someone else was present. Otherwise, they may have gone on to say something terrible, thinking their patient was under anesthesia.

If this happens to you again, pretend you were coughing and that you need a rinse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should my mannered response be to a co-worker’s sneeze? And what should my response be to those who say “God bless you” to me after I’ve sneezed?

Not wanting to perpetuate religious superstition, I say nothing when a co-worker sneezes. That doesn’t bother me much, but not acknowledging their good graces when I’ve sneezed does strike me as rude.

I’ve never explained myself to my co-workers, and none have ever brought it up to me, but am sure it’s been noticed that I seem to be lacking in this area of politeness.

GENTLE READER: Do you also examine each morning to decide if it will be a good one before issuing your daily greeting?

Some conventions are usually just meant as conventions. “Bless you” is less disruptive than “Are you OK?” And the polite response is “Thank you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m the pastor of a medium-sized church (about 500 members), with five other ministers on staff, as well. This summer, while I was on vacation, a church member harshly criticized the staff for not noticing she’d been gone for eight Sundays. This young woman blasted us for this oversight in an extended rant on social media.

In our defense, we don’t take roll, and the weeks she was gone coincided with vacations for many other members and church employees.

Since she had “unfriended” the entire staff, we only heard about this rant when a couple of church members mentioned it and sent us a copy of it. Several other members responded to her post, defending the staff and questioning the wisdom of this venue for criticism. No one else is upset, nor did it cause much of a ripple in our communal life.

My deacon chair encouraged me not to respond, and I have not. I didn’t think it was fair of her to blast us so publicly; I would have considered this woman a friend prior to this. It bothers me that this criticism goes unchallenged, but this kind of immaturity is likely apparent to most readers.

Should I respond? I could certainly apologize for not noticing her absence, but I doubt I could also tactfully say that I thought her post was rude and unfair.

GENTLE READER: Or you could respond in the form of a question to Miss Manners. Except that she would have to point out that doing so is merely a new form of rudeness -- like the young woman’s online post.

She is not accusing you of this; she takes your question as genuine. But she would certainly not recommend that you respond to the original provocation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do people owe you the favor of letting you know that you are on speakerphone? It’s often difficult to tell from background sounds.

If someone else is in the room but out of earshot, then speakerphone is probably OK. But if I am telling someone something meant for only their ears, that’s a problem.

In one instance, I started talking about a secret gift, not knowing that the recipient was in the room until the person I'd called told me that I was on speaker. I'd had no idea.

Should I just ask each time I’m on the phone?

GENTLE READER: One should warn the other person on the phone that they are on speaker for the same reason a good host should smooth the rug when she sees it has curled over and is likely to trip the next guest who passes by: It is less work than picking up the pieces later.

If the people you are calling do not know this, then yes -- Miss Manners would get in the habit of asking.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)