DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one handle being offered alcohol when you choose not to drink?

I got a DUI 2 years ago, and I will NEVER drink and drive ever again. I've been in numerous situations where I've declined a kind offer of a drink, but have been pestered as to why.

Out for a happy hour with co-workers, I will just drink water, but I often get asked, "So, why aren't you drinking?" Initially I just shrugged it off, but after a while, I had to make up an excuse, so I lied that it would interfere with my medication. Oops -- now I'm asked what kind of meds I'm on!

With extended family, I get the same inquiry. I just make up some excuse: I don't feel like it, I have a hangover, I'm going out tomorrow, whatever.

I won't even have one drink -- and have found it quite rude of people to question why. There are so many potential reasons why people choose not to drink! I feel like I have to explain myself, and I am sick of it. How do I properly address this issue?

GENTLE READER: Not by explaining yourself -- nor by making up excuses. The question is not only intrusive but silly, as it presumes that alcohol is such a staple of life that a special exemption is needed.

But as you keep socializing with people who believe otherwise, Miss Manners suggests that you treat this as the opening of a two-sided conversation. It is always tactful to show an interest in the other person. So you could say, with a pleasant show of interest, "What about you? Tell me -- why do you drink?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to know if it's proper for one person to hand another person a birthday card/Christmas card personally -- not one attached to a gift. It seems to me that a card should be sent in the mail.

I'm a hairdresser, and it surprises me how often a client will hand me a birthday or Christmas card. These cards do not include money, but are just "good wishes."

It makes me feel uncomfortable and almost seems that I'm not worth a stamp. Could you please tell me if this is proper and in good taste? Has it always been?

GENTLE READER: Always? How far back do you want to go? It was once considered better to have mail delivered by hand, from your footman, than to use the postal service.

But Miss Manners would not exactly call it more proper or in better taste, because it used the same crass standard that you do: How much did the sender spend to get it to you? And maintaining a footman cost considerably more than a stamp.

Isn't that a mean way to judge good wishes? But even if you do, surely a personal delivery is worth more than a stamp -- or a footman.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you think about employers who let their children come around the workplace to sell goodies to their employees? And worse yet, what about when the boss himself escorts his child around the building to sell stuff?

Yeah, I know, it's always for a good cause, but isn't that putting people on the spot, and not in very good taste? Nobody really wants to buy these things, but you always feel obligated, especially when the boss is standing right there!

GENTLE READER: And a nice lesson that is for the children -- not in salesmanship, but in the use of power to intimidate.

Miss Manners understands that you don't want to antagonize the boss, and hopes that you also want to avoid embarrassing the children. But that does not mean that you are obliged to buy anything you don't want.

Group action is the safest, of course. Perhaps you can get your colleagues to protest this, making an official complaint if necessary. But you can also handle it on your own by treating the children as the salespeople they are alleged to be. In a pleasant tone, ask about the merchandise -- its use, its sturdiness, whatever.

If the child is able to answer these questions, you may still say regretfully that the item does not meet your needs (although Miss Manners would probably be touched enough to buy). But if, as she suspects, the child is unprepared, you need only say regretfully that you can't commit to buying something you know so little about.

Let us hope that a responsible parent would understand and appreciate the value of this lesson to the child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have received cards from a number of couples who are 30 to 40 years younger than we are. The return addresses and printed signatures are first-name only. Should we respond in kind, since my husband and I have different last names?

GENTLE READER: So that they will experience the frustration of some of their recipients, who are asking themselves, "Who are these people? Do we know any Jenna and Noah?" or "Which Emma and Everett could this be this from?"

Miss Manners asks you to resist that temptation and submit your full names.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a dog walker and pet care provider. I'm retired, 73 years old, and I have a lot of work around the holidays. My clients give me Christmas gifts. Should I just say "thank you" when I get something I don't need, or say I'd like to regift it?

This week, a client gave me a dog-walking tool that I already have. It's not too expensive -- maybe $30 -- and the gift bag also included treats for my dog. I already said thank you, but should I say anything else?

GENTLE READER: What would you say? Something along the lines of, "I have no use for this, so I'm going to get rid of it"?

Countering generosity by mentioning what a failure it was does not make anyone's Christmas merrier. Not even yours, next Christmas, when this client will have been discouraged by the effort to please you and will give up trying.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently attend luncheons at which the entree consists of bagels, lox (smoked salmon) and cream cheese.

Bagels have grown in size substantially since my childhood. Nowadays, a whole bagel is too much for me, so I carefully take one half with the tongs provided. I spread it with cream cheese, then lay a slice or two of lox on top.

But no matter how carefully or slowly or seemingly thoroughly I bite into this open-faced sandwich, it is inevitable that the slice of lox slides off the top with my teeth embedded in it -- dangling there, despite the gluey nature of the cream cheese.

This is very unattractive. I came up with a solution that works for me: I hold the bagel in one hand and a fork in the other. I press down with the fork near where I take each bite, thus anchoring the slice of lox. Success! Am I horribly off base?

GENTLE READER: Well, the lox is staying on base, so we are halfway there.

You could also use a discreet finger to hold it in place, as long as you find a place to wash off any lingering fish smell afterwards.

A third option would be to take the lox off of the bagel and cut it on your plate -- preferably with a fish knife -- and then return it to the bagel, matching bite sizes with lox pieces.

But really, the fork method is acceptable, as long as you do it discreetly -- and, Miss Manners warns, as long as you promise not to turn your head too quickly, stabbing yourself in the cheek in the process.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I wonder if there is a proper way to greet people you never speak to, but see all the time, when you suddenly run into them in an entirely different setting.

I refer to them as the “SNOW” people: those you see regularly at work, school, the gym, church or around the neighborhood, with whom you always exchange a friendly Smile, Nod Or Wave.

Then one day, you see them at the supermarket. Your initial reaction is surprise (as if they don't exist outside the sphere you know them from), followed by joy and a desire to embrace them like a long-lost friend ... until you recover your senses and realize, with acute embarrassment, that you don't even know their first name!

It seems silly to say, “What are you doing here?” since the answer is obvious, but to ignore them seems equally rude. Do you exchange another friendly SNOW greeting and move on? Or does etiquette require actually speaking to them -- for perhaps the first time ever?

GENTLE READER: Another friendly SNOW. This necessitates, however, a third reaction in your repertoire, which is a somewhat deflated, but still polite, realization that you are only acquaintances. The person will likely mirror your reaction and be similarly content to move along.

But if you are ready to transition to a full-on greeting and name exchange, Miss Manners assures you that that is an option -- provided you are able to muster mutual consent from the other party.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)