DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, a divorced woman exactly my age moved in next door. I liked her very much and tried to become friends with her.

Although she was chatty enough outside the house, she never invited me in, and the few times I invited her, she had other things to do. I eventually gave up and settled for the occasional brief conversation in the yard.

Last year she was very sick and completely housebound. I started visiting her, and she seemed very pleased to see me and always encouraged me to return. As she gradually improved in health and began going out again, my visits became fewer. I kept trying to come up with reasons to text her or go over. Every time she saw me, she claimed she was very pleased and that we should keep getting together, but she never initiated a single contact.

At Thanksgiving, I texted her and she enthusiastically wrote back that she was so glad to hear from me. A few days before Christmas, I noticed her car was gone. I realized she must have gone to her daughter’s, several hundred miles away, for the holiday. I felt very insulted that she hadn’t bothered to tell me she was going, and that despite all my attempts at friendship, she never sent me any sort of Christmas wishes.

Should I just give up on this woman? Shouldn’t a friendship be somewhat of a two-way street? I had thought after all the contact we had last year, we had finally cemented our relationship, but it doesn’t seem to have happened. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you are a good neighbor. But too anxious a friend.

Miss Manners suggests that you stop monitoring the lady’s car. She is not obliged to check in with you before going away.

But if it means that much to you, you could encourage her to do so by saying, “If you let me know when you’ll be out of town, I’ll be happy to take in your mail.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our high school reunion committee is planning a 50-year reunion for our class. The committee would like to have a memorial table for those who have passed, including listing a cause of death next to the classmate’s name.

What is your take on this? Should the memorial table include just the names and maybe their age at death? In my mind, including the cause of death is not only gruesome, but also detracts from the point of the party. Others have the opinion that this is another way to honor their lives.

GENTLE READER: Describing their deaths would honor their lives?

Now you have Miss Manners worrying about what sort of education your high school offered. Would these graduates be capable of writing a short essay explaining why that would be considered an honor?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in line at a busy cosmetics store. The line wasn’t moving very fast when the woman behind me asked me to save her place: She said an employee had forgotten to give her something, and she had to get it. I was approximately fifth in line and there were at least that many people waiting behind me.

I looked at the people behind her and I told her no -- but before I could explain why I wasn’t comfortable holding her place, she called me rude and proceeded loudly to say how mean I was that I wouldn’t do this for her at Christmas.

At the same time, the woman in front of me turned around and also berated me -- but this woman also didn’t step up and say she would do it. I told her she really needed to ask the people she was in front of to hold her place. The man behind her said he would.

All through my wait and checkout, she continued to loudly tell everyone who would listen how rude I was, and I was even called a Grinch.

I felt embarrassed and hurt, and I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong by denying her request. I personally would never ask anyone to do this for me; I would have left the line, gotten my item and then gotten back in line at the end.

GENTLE READER: Standing in line has gotten hazardous. You are far from the only one to report being insulted while waiting to check out.

Everybody seems to be disgruntled and defensive. And Miss Manners notices that this includes you.

This was not a question of breaking into line, but of being momentarily absent from it. Is it really such a crime to dash out and pick up another item and then return to the line? Did you at least begin with an apology for not doing so?

All of you clung to your own abstract sense of justice over an extraordinarily trivial matter to prevail over the obligation of common courtesy. It makes for a very unpleasant society. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way for my 16-year-old daughters, who are twins, to respond when a friend asks them, “What do you want for your birthday?”

They are having a small party, and one of the girls asked that question. We are really starting to work on our manners and don’t really know the correct way to respond to that.

GENTLE READER: “World peace.”

It saves them from sounding greedy.

Miss Manners, who rails against wish lists, realizes that this awkwardness would have been avoided had there been one. But would-be donors are supposed to take the trouble to observe tastes -- or at least ask others who might know.

In this case, it would have been ridiculously easy to ask Sophia what Olivia might like, and to ask Olivia what Sophia might like.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In 2023, I gave my husband's niece a lovely wedding shower at a restaurant. It included lunch and mimosas. The luncheon was about $1,500 with gratuity. I also paid for the cake, favors and game prizes, to the tune of another $500. I also gave a gift ($100). Later that year, my husband gave the bride and groom another gift from their registry.

Our son (a cousin of the bride) and his then-fiancee lived in the same town as this couple, and they occasionally had dinner together. Our son and his fiancee gave a wedding gift to the bride.

The niece/bride is an attorney, her husband is a social media influencer and they are worth millions. They live in a million-dollar home.

Fast-forward to our son's wedding in 2024. It was in a town near where they all live. My son and his wife did not have a wedding shower. They do well themselves. My family came in from out of state and paid for their own hotel rooms, airfare and car rentals. My husband's family, niece included, drove to the wedding.

My family, with less resources, still managed to give small gifts. Other than one nephew, none of my husband's family gave gifts. The wedding cost my son and his wife over $200 per person.

When opening gifts after the honeymoon, my son and his wife were hurt that the niece and her husband gave nothing. But they had two gifts from the registry that didn't have cards, so he called the niece and asked if either of those were from the niece and her husband.

The niece said, "No, we didn't get you anything."

So, fast-forward again: The niece is pregnant and is having a baby shower. It will be in her hometown, near my son. I do not plan to attend. I do not plan to give a gift.

I would like to say something to her about reciprocity, but don't know if it is inappropriate, or if I should say something to the nephew (the one who gave a gift). What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That there is an awful lot of tallying up of who is owed what in this situation. And despite your repeatedly stating so, not enough fast-forwarding.

Reciprocity in giving presents is expected, but it is not obligatory.

The niece's frank response, however, was rude. Miss Manners will therefore sign off on your not attending her baby shower or getting her a present. But please spare both the niece and the unwitting nephew a lecture. The latter already behaved well, and the former does not care.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a close friend who gives gifts we are not wild about, but display anyway. If she does not see her gift when here, she will ask about it: where is it, don't you like it, etc.

She is a sweet lady, but so needy. So we take down art we enjoy and put up the cat-in-the-bathtub picture. No sense hurting her feelings, right? Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you are a rare, good friend. Consider that every time you have to look at the cat in the bathtub.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)