DEAR MISS MANNERS: Help! My husband and I stayed at my parents’ house and slept in their guest bedroom. Friends of theirs had gifted them with a terrible, but very expensive, mattress. It slopes severely toward the edges so that you feel like you’re falling all night long, making sleep impossible.

My mom happened to ask if we liked the mattress, so I said “no,” and explained why. She proceeded to look up reviews for the mattress on her phone to see whether I was right about whether or not we liked the mattress (I guess).

What do we do next time we visit? We seriously won’t be able to sleep on that mattress, but saying that we’ll stay in a hotel would probably start World War III.

GENTLE READER: When you are a parent (if you are not already), remember that exchange when you ask your children for feedback (as you will) and then argue when they give it (as you also will).

Miss Manners notes this merely to grease the wheel of life. The answer to your immediate problem is to remind your mother that she asked, and hope that her own sense of fair play will win out. And to sleep on the sofa.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an area that is known for terrible coffee, so my friends and neighbors often come over for an espresso drink. They know I take the process seriously to make a quality drink, using an espresso machine/grinder and milk frother.

Although I will ensure the machine is filled, cups are warmed and a filter is ready for making a fresh cup upon arrival, the process is very loud and I can’t hear my guest while I am making their requested drink.

What would be the correct way to let them know that I can't hear them while I complete the five-minute task of making a drink? And should I let them stand there, or seat them?

GENTLE READER: As we are being careful with the coffee, Miss Manners recommends also being precise about the problem. You do not need to tell your neighbors that you cannot hear them over the coffee grinder; that will be obvious as soon as you press the button.

The problem is that you cannot politely press that button while they are halfway through asking you a question. Wait until a pause, therefore, point to the grinder, say, “Excuse me,” and grind away. If necessary, you can repeat this process for each noise-making step.

Even the most situationally unaware neighbor should be able to remain politely quiet in the hope of getting caffeinated.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long been troubled by the carol “We Wish You a Merry Christmas,” specifically the intimation that if we don’t give the uninvited guests their figgy pudding, they “won’t go.”

How are we to address this request? I don’t want to be ungrateful for their wishes, but think that their insistence is a bit beyond what is considered polite and reasonable. Can you advise how to proceed?

GENTLE READER: What was that? Miss Manners couldn’t quite hear you over the ruckus made by the geese a-laying, the calling birds, the French hens and the turtledoves. The partridge, fortunately, appears to have passed out under the pear tree.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, a divorced woman exactly my age moved in next door. I liked her very much and tried to become friends with her.

Although she was chatty enough outside the house, she never invited me in, and the few times I invited her, she had other things to do. I eventually gave up and settled for the occasional brief conversation in the yard.

Last year she was very sick and completely housebound. I started visiting her, and she seemed very pleased to see me and always encouraged me to return. As she gradually improved in health and began going out again, my visits became fewer. I kept trying to come up with reasons to text her or go over. Every time she saw me, she claimed she was very pleased and that we should keep getting together, but she never initiated a single contact.

At Thanksgiving, I texted her and she enthusiastically wrote back that she was so glad to hear from me. A few days before Christmas, I noticed her car was gone. I realized she must have gone to her daughter’s, several hundred miles away, for the holiday. I felt very insulted that she hadn’t bothered to tell me she was going, and that despite all my attempts at friendship, she never sent me any sort of Christmas wishes.

Should I just give up on this woman? Shouldn’t a friendship be somewhat of a two-way street? I had thought after all the contact we had last year, we had finally cemented our relationship, but it doesn’t seem to have happened. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you are a good neighbor. But too anxious a friend.

Miss Manners suggests that you stop monitoring the lady’s car. She is not obliged to check in with you before going away.

But if it means that much to you, you could encourage her to do so by saying, “If you let me know when you’ll be out of town, I’ll be happy to take in your mail.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our high school reunion committee is planning a 50-year reunion for our class. The committee would like to have a memorial table for those who have passed, including listing a cause of death next to the classmate’s name.

What is your take on this? Should the memorial table include just the names and maybe their age at death? In my mind, including the cause of death is not only gruesome, but also detracts from the point of the party. Others have the opinion that this is another way to honor their lives.

GENTLE READER: Describing their deaths would honor their lives?

Now you have Miss Manners worrying about what sort of education your high school offered. Would these graduates be capable of writing a short essay explaining why that would be considered an honor?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in line at a busy cosmetics store. The line wasn’t moving very fast when the woman behind me asked me to save her place: She said an employee had forgotten to give her something, and she had to get it. I was approximately fifth in line and there were at least that many people waiting behind me.

I looked at the people behind her and I told her no -- but before I could explain why I wasn’t comfortable holding her place, she called me rude and proceeded loudly to say how mean I was that I wouldn’t do this for her at Christmas.

At the same time, the woman in front of me turned around and also berated me -- but this woman also didn’t step up and say she would do it. I told her she really needed to ask the people she was in front of to hold her place. The man behind her said he would.

All through my wait and checkout, she continued to loudly tell everyone who would listen how rude I was, and I was even called a Grinch.

I felt embarrassed and hurt, and I feel like I didn’t do anything wrong by denying her request. I personally would never ask anyone to do this for me; I would have left the line, gotten my item and then gotten back in line at the end.

GENTLE READER: Standing in line has gotten hazardous. You are far from the only one to report being insulted while waiting to check out.

Everybody seems to be disgruntled and defensive. And Miss Manners notices that this includes you.

This was not a question of breaking into line, but of being momentarily absent from it. Is it really such a crime to dash out and pick up another item and then return to the line? Did you at least begin with an apology for not doing so?

All of you clung to your own abstract sense of justice over an extraordinarily trivial matter to prevail over the obligation of common courtesy. It makes for a very unpleasant society. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way for my 16-year-old daughters, who are twins, to respond when a friend asks them, “What do you want for your birthday?”

They are having a small party, and one of the girls asked that question. We are really starting to work on our manners and don’t really know the correct way to respond to that.

GENTLE READER: “World peace.”

It saves them from sounding greedy.

Miss Manners, who rails against wish lists, realizes that this awkwardness would have been avoided had there been one. But would-be donors are supposed to take the trouble to observe tastes -- or at least ask others who might know.

In this case, it would have been ridiculously easy to ask Sophia what Olivia might like, and to ask Olivia what Sophia might like.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)