DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in my friend’s wedding a year ago, and now her anniversary is coming up. However, in the last six months, it does not seem like the marriage is going well, and I’m honestly not sure if the couple is still together.

This leads me to wonder whether I should even mention her anniversary on the day. I think texting “Happy anniversary!” is out of the question, and even posting something like, “Ah! A year ago, we were all together, celebrating you!” feels like it would just make my friend feel bad that her marriage did not go the way she expected. But then, it also seems rude to not say anything!

GENTLE READER: If you do not know if the couple is still together, then Miss Manners infers that your own interactions with the bride have also been somewhat infrequent -- supplemented, perhaps, by digital glimpses over social media.

In such a case, you would not be expected to have an exact recollection of an anniversary date, and may therefore confine yourself to simply checking in, as the saying goes. If you invite her out for a meal around the one-year mark, it could be explained (as you learn more) as either a sympathy visit or a celebration.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family holds an annual reunion, and members rotate who hosts it. One night of the reunion weekend is typically a nice dinner.

Our cousins hosted this year’s reunion dinner, and just before the meal, several of their friends arrived. These guests were not family members, and over half of the family did not know them.

These people were very nice, and we enjoyed their company, but none of us were aware that non-family members would be invited, and there was no precedence for inviting friends to our family reunion.

Some of us found it to be inappropriate, but we are curious what Miss Manners thinks. Should we say anything to the hosts?

GENTLE READER: You could ask them if this is the new precedent: “We were so happy to meet your friends, but I think some family members were surprised and confused that we had acquired new ones. Should we open up our reunion to others from now on?”

If the friends were pleasant, however, Miss Manners does not see any reason to exclude them on principle. You may even find it is more fun to have them there. Most families behave better when there’s outside company.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The owners of a business for whom I did some work threw a company barbecue and asked guests to sign up to bring a dish.

I was stunned, and did not attend for a few reasons: 1. The staff creates the owners' income for them. 2. A sign-up sheet? Really?? And 3. The owners are VERY wealthy. A caterer would have been very accessible.

GENTLE READER: This company may want to solicit more effective ways to thank their employees. Miss Manners suggests they put up a sign-up sheet.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend from childhood who is a wealthy, narcissistic hoarder. This means she spends all her time buying needless crap from the bargain bins of every box store you can imagine. For example, she’ll buy several blenders just because they are on sale -- not because she needs one.

Her house is filled with this junk. I have politely mentioned therapy, but that just gets radio silence.

She insists on sending me Christmas and birthday gifts, and sometimes even half-birthday gifts. (I do not send gifts.) These presents are always worthless junk she has purchased -- plastic kitsch, novelty sticky notepads, paper napkins with idiotic sayings on them, graph paper, plastic toothpicks that look like toilet plungers (TWICE I've received a box of those), random computer connection cords, and more.

She just paid $36 to mail me a Christmas gift containing this junk, all of which I would value at a total of $10 at best. Most of this stuff I have to throw away, though sometimes (rarely) I’m able to find someone who wants some of it.

To me, this isn’t true giving, it’s just poaching random junk from her hoard and mailing it to me so that she can get the “I’m a good person” high from it.

This is really annoying, verging on passive-aggressive. I’ve told her many times she should not send me gifts, that a card is fine (or nothing at all). I even stopped properly thanking her for these “gifts” -- something my etiquette-conscious mother would absolutely have a fit about!

I’ve tried to just go along with it and toss the stuff, but it really annoys me on several levels -- the sheer waste being the main issue for me. Is there a polite way to end this, or should I just be blunt and say, "I toss out almost everything you send, so quit wasting your money. The next box you send, I’m marking 'return to sender' and it’s coming back to you"?

GENTLE READER: And a Merry Christmas to you, too.

Yes, this practice is annoying and yes, it is a waste. But since your friend fills her own house with these items, she must think they are worth something. It is impolite for you to suggest otherwise, especially when they are given as presents.

Rather than rudely send them back, just donate them and be done with it. Your friend is not listening to even your most blunt condemnations, so why waste your energy on anger and resentment? Use it, instead, for holiday cheer and a little grace. Miss Manners will use hers, meanwhile, to get the image of toilet plunger toothpicks out of her head.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered rude to take photos of the interior of a friend’s home (the living room), just to show my family how pretty the house was? My friend told me I was being very rude by taking pictures of her house. I was not going to post them.

GENTLE READER: It is only considered rude if you get caught. And you were.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of ours constantly passes his cellphone around our dinner table to share photos. My husband is immunocompromised, and so we are careful of germ exposure. We don’t want to touch this friend's phone.

What is a polite way to avoid touching his phone and to stop this activity? I think we should just say, “No thanks.” Maybe I should talk to him in private so he isn’t embarrassed.

GENTLE READER: Speaking with your friend, or gently announcing to all your guests that your table is a device-free zone, solves the long-term solution.

But if you forget, or run into a similar problem with someone else -- and phone-passing has become a widespread nuisance of our time -- Miss Manners suggests you simply stand up, go to your husband and intercept the phone before he has to take it.

You can make this look natural -- expressing delight at the photo and showing it to your husband -- before you then pass it to the next person over. After that, you only need to complete the action that ostensibly caused you to rise: a trip to the kitchen if this is your home, or to the bathroom if it is someone else’s.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last year a neighbor had a Christmas party. She invited a lot of people and it was quite crowded. She made a number of tasty dishes and provided some drinks.

This year, she has sent invitations for a post-Christmas open house and asked that the guests bring food. There was no RSVP request and no phone number provided.

I do not want to go. Am I obligated to tell her? My husband says we should bring food, stay for 10 minutes, then leave.

GENTLE READER: Nice try: Even though no telephone number was provided and no response explicitly requested, etiquette still requires you to answer the invitation (even though Miss Manners knows no one else will).

You must respond -- but a response declining the invitation is just as polite as an acceptance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are we obliged to travel with friends who do not share the same passions, routines or interests that we do?

Over time, we have vacationed with many of our friends, so we understand whom we wish to be with on our adventures. But how do we manage friends who ask where and when the next trip will be, when we would prefer to travel without them?

GENTLE READER: You are not even obliged to travel with friends with whom you do share the same passions, routines and interests. But Miss Manners does require you to refrain from speaking of the glories of your proposed destination.

When asked where and when the next trip is, you need not share plans at a stage when they can be changed, and you should avoid being drawn into planning meetings. That way, you can describe your trip as “already fully booked” if you are traveling with others -- or “Finally, our chance to get away by ourselves” if not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)