DEAR MISS MANNERS: It’s frigid cold here these days, but that didn’t stop a huge turnout for a very popular food truck. The lines were pretty long, both to order and to pick up, but people passed the 15-20 minutes chatting with each other and joking about the cold.

An elderly man (late 70s, maybe?) pulled up in his car with (I assume) his wife in the passenger seat. The gentleman got out and stood in line, using a cane, while his wife waited in the car. He had on a jacket and wore gloves, but a strong wind was blowing.

I was in the food-pickup line, and noticed that he looked uncomfortable. Ahead of him in line was a woman wearing a very cozy-looking fur coat. I approached her and whispered that the gentleman behind her looked like he was struggling, and that it would be nice if she offered to hold his place in line. That way, he could return to the car until it was his turn to order.

She looked blankly at me and said, “What man?” I indicated the gentleman behind her. She glanced back and said “Oh,” nothing more.

Embarrassed, I mumbled, “It was just a thought, to help the old guy out” and slinked back to my place in the pickup line. She never made a move to assist the man, but my order came out quickly and I hurried away.

Miss Manners, was I out of line to make that suggestion? Had I been in the order line, I would certainly have made the offer. But the look of disdain on the face of that woman was colder than the blasting winter wind. Did I do the wrong thing?

GENTLE READER: It is awkward to suggest that someone else engage in an act of kindness on one’s behalf. While your intentions were good, this woman was not likely to have been paying attention to your position at pickup, and was probably wondering why you did not offer to stand in line for this man yourself.

Miss Manners suggests that if the situation comes up again, you alert the food truck workers and enlist their help. Or ask the wife in the car to keep your food warm while you go help her husband.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been invited to a dinner at my CEO’s home, along with members of the board. Is it still appropriate to arrive with flowers or wine for the host? I don’t know if the CEO drinks wine.

Would I be seen as “brown-nosing” if no one else brings anything? I am 57 and kinda old-school.

GENTLE READER: Flowers are the most gracious option. Miss Manners assures you that they will be taken as they were intended: as a thank-you for hosting a dinner party, not a bribe for future promotions.

Old-school or not, you will have to show up with a lot more than flowers if you want to brown-nose your way into a better job.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents invited my family over for New Year’s Day to celebrate. As I like to cook, I prepared two entrees to be reheated when we got there. I put in time and effort to prepare a meal they would enjoy. My parents were going to make some pasta and also picked up bread.

Upon our arrival at their house, my mother took out some leftovers to heat up. The leftovers were from a restaurant where they'd eaten the night before, on New Year’s Eve. Not only that, she offered her leftovers for everyone to sample.

I was slightly offended, as I had just prepared all of this food for them. My mother’s argument was that her leftovers would not hold till the next day. My mother still does not think she was wrong in this; I feel that it was rude.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps this is how she defines “family style”?

Yes, this was inconsiderate, but if it was a dinner for just the family, formal rules are a bit more relaxed. At least she offered samples. And if that was all the rest of the group was getting of her dinner, they still had room for yours.

Rather than harbor anger, Miss Manners suggests that you might take this as gentle teasing. The next time you invite your mother over, tell her, "I will be making duck a l’orange -- unless, of course, you want to bring over any leftover fries you have lying around."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I gave Christmas dinner to two separate neighbors on Christmas Day. It's been a week, and they have not returned the plates. I’m very annoyed at their lack of concern. Do I have a right to be upset?

GENTLE READER: Did you ask for them back? Of course your neighbors should have thought to return them on their own, but if ye do not ask, ye may not receive.

Miss Manners suggests that instead of silently seething, you send them a note asking when would be a convenient time for you to pick up your plates. This is neither impolite nor terribly difficult. You do, after all, know where they live.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like some advice on who should handle an anniversary gift return.

My husband and I received a gift that had been ordered online by our relatives (who live blocks from us). Unfortunately, the item was damaged and needed to be returned. We repackaged the item into the box and planned on giving it back to the family so they could print the return label and drop off the package at a post office or shipping store. But instead, they asked us to do it.

When asked why, they said they “didn’t know how to return an item.” We took care of it, but shouldn't it have been their responsibility?

GENTLE READER: Was it gracious of them? No. But you were already out and about.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend came to a dinner party and brought with her the tin I had given her at Christmas. It had been filled with homemade curried nuts, and she had eaten those and washed out the tin. She apologized for not returning it sooner and left it on my kitchen counter.

Last Christmas, I gave another friend some small packages of fancy store-bought popcorn, which I put in a basket that I’d purchased and decorated especially to be part of that gift. The basket was later returned to me.

I’ve always considered the container -- whether a tin, basket or jar that contains a food item or other small presents -- to be part of the gift. It's intended to be kept or given away by the recipient, but not returned to the giver.

This has happened to me often enough to cause me to wonder if I’m being rude by not returning the containers I receive with gifts. I have always kept them, whether to use in my house or to hold gifts for other people. Should I be returning them?

GENTLE READER: One is expected to return containers that are clearly part of the originating household and are used for ferrying informal gifts -- such as homemade pies or leftovers from family dinners.

Everything else you get to keep, although Miss Manners is still pondering whether Salome should have returned the silver platter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be wrong for a church member to ask people to leave the church due to disruptive and inappropriate behavior?

My husband and I very much enjoy the Christmas Eve services at our church, and many guests attend. This year, there was one group of guests that sat in front of us, and I’ve seen kindergartners who were better behaved.

The two women, especially, were disruptive and apparently didn’t know that sound travels. They started pointing at the pastor and giggling and whispering back and forth, obviously making fun of her.

When the choir was singing, the older of these two women started singing along, loudly, while everyone else in the congregation was quietly listening. This went on through the entire service. Toward the end, the older one cupped her hand around the younger one’s ear and whispered something to her. The younger one burst into laughter and she could not gain her composure, laughing loudly and shaking through the remainder of the service!

Even people in her party were looking at her with disgust. I don’t know why they bothered coming if they were going to be their own entertainment. They spoiled the service for that entire section in the congregation.

Would it have been wrong or out of place for me to ask these women to excuse themselves from the service?

GENTLE READER: As this was more than just a case of the church giggles, Miss Manners believes you could have politely asked them to have their talk elsewhere. It sounds like they would have been more than happy to have an excuse to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)