DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am appalled at the current practice on TV home decor shows of placing books with their titles to the wall. It is a huge fad.

I keep waiting for one of the hosts to realize that anyone who actually might read a book would walk into that home and assume the people who live there don’t know what a book is for. Your opinion?

GENTLE READER: Using books as decoration is hardly new. But gone are the days when those books were displayed to show off the intellect and interests of their owners -- and with it, the pretense, at least, that their owners had read them. True enthusiasts took pride in how they organized them -- by author, subject or both.

But then home decorators swooped in and put books in rainbow order, or sorted them by height, making it impossible to find the one you wanted -- unless one was feeling pink that day and merely chose a book to accessorize.

Unless the bookshelf has no backing and can be flipped around, putting them in backwards is, indeed, dumb. It is the home decorating equivalent of a “naked cake” --unattractive and exposed for no reason. Although at least the cake shows you its contents.

Still, Miss Manners supposes she should be grateful that physical books are displayed in the home at all. This silly fad will change back again -- it did with vinyl records -- as people start to realize that in order to judge a book by its cover, one actually has to see it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While at lunch at a casual restaurant, I noticed a woman joining a large group, who were all standing around before sitting at their table. I immediately noticed that her zipper was unzipped, and that her underwear could be seen quite easily.

Initially, she was standing a little off to the side, and I wondered if I should inconspicuously whisper to her that she was unzipped. I waited too long to decide before she and the group began to seat themselves.

I asked the people at my table what they would have done, and most said they wouldn’t have said anything to her. I felt I would rather have a stranger (who I probably would never see again) tell me, so that I could quickly go to the bathroom and zip up before -- hopefully -- anyone in my party (who I would see again) noticed. If I weren’t told, once I discovered my zipper had been open the whole time, I would be embarrassed, wondering who in my party noticed.

I am curious to know the proper etiquette in this situation.

GENTLE READER: If you find yourself saying, “Somebody should say something ...” then remember that you are somebody. Say something. Subtly and to the side, of course. As you mentioned, you would be grateful if someone did that for you.

But you now have the benefit of knowing that none of the people at your table that night would be that someone. Miss Manners recommends you take special care with zippers and spinach the next time you are in their company.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was invited to go out of town for a “boys weekend” with a couple of his old friends. When he arrived, he was greeted not only by his friends, but also their wives.

Our kids called him several hours after he had arrived, and that is when I discovered that the “boys weekend” was actually a couples’ weekend -- sans me.

My husband said that the host and hostess did not invite me as we have young kids, and they knew that we did not have anybody to watch them. They also stated that they were worried that if he'd known it was a couples weekend, and that I couldn’t come, he would have stayed home, too.

On top of all of this, they enjoyed the company of a single female neighbor and all rode together in her vehicle to a local event.

I was hurt -- not only by the fact that I was left out and not invited, but also that my husband did not feel the need to let me know, nor did he say anything to his friends about this upsetting me. When we talked about it, he got upset and said that his friends didn’t mean anything by it.

If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have let those in attendance know that I was excited to see them, that I love them, but that I was hurt that my husband had been left out. I would have left and returned home to my family.

Am I justified in feeling wronged?

GENTLE READER: Yours is an interesting etiquette problem, because it is a case where the modern penchant for giving everyone around us our immediate, honest reactions can go badly wrong.

Miss Manners says this because her first impression of what you describe is very bad indeed. And, for that reason, she knows you will first want to be sure of your facts.

Your husband claims not to have known the weekend arrangements in advance, claiming you were both deceived -- not only by his old friends, but by their wives, and by the single female neighbor. Whatever else happened that you do not know about, it is certainly true that they participated in lying to you, so you would be justified in being cold to them -- if not worse.

But a distant civility to them now can preserve options for the future while you investigate who else may have misled you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been divorced for some time, and once in a while, someone will ask me how long I was married. I find this question intrusive and somewhat rude.

Am I wrong to feel this way? If not, what is a good way to answer -- or to avoid the inevitable, and even ruder, next question: “What happened?”

GENTLE READER: The law may sometimes require you to answer personal questions. Etiquette does not.

Possible answers are, “Slightly too long” and “What happened was that it ended.” Or, if you prefer, “I’m sorry, I don’t discuss it. Aren’t these rhododendrons beautiful?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can you be responsible for ghosting someone when they never write to you?

Just because I have decided to accept their silence, and return it to them, doesn’t mean I don’t care. But what is the proper way to say goodbye? It actually seems worse to do it formally.

GENTLE READER: Tell the friend/spouse/child who is goading you about this that the ghosted does not become the ghoster. And that it would be wildly insulting to write a letter to Emily/Everett/Eli -- from whom you have not heard in a year, in spite of multiple efforts -- to say that you are breaking off the relationship.

However, Miss Manners suggests that from time to time, you might reach out, if you care to. Sometimes even ghosts change their minds and respond.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was just wondering how one might react when there are people out there -- not just some, but vast blocs -- who promote that one should be able to do, act, say and be exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal from anyone.

Just look around: It seems that ANY level of dissension about another’s actions results in some level of shaming -- name-calling, finger-pointing, etc. If the people in question adhere to their belief in “Hey, pal, this is who I am,” you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll want everyone else to adhere to it, also.

I suspect Miss Manners is one of the old guard, as am I. But if one subscribes to the “be who you want” societal philosophy, where does one draw the line?

GENTLE READER: If you believe that people should behave politely and treat one another with respect, then you and Miss Manners agree. If you mean that we don’t all have to agree on everything, we agree. If you mean that no one should impose their personal opinions on others, then again, we agree.

But if -- when you condemn people “who promote that one should be able to ... say ... exactly who they wish to be with no fear of reprisal” -- you mean that people should fear violence for expressing an opinion, then, respectfully, we disagree.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are celebrating our six-year anniversary soon, and I’ve been reflecting on our first date. He took me to a restaurant, where I ordered a dinner salad. While enjoying this salad, a piece of lettuce fell from my fork onto the table.

What would have been the proper way to handle this circumstance? Leave it on the table? Scoop it into a napkin? Place it on the corner of my plate? I’ve always wondered about this.

GENTLE READER: Ideally, there would be an unobserved moment when you could snag it back onto your plate with a fork or napkin. But Miss Manners is curious what you did do. If it was not unobtrusive, it must have been charming, as it led to marriage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)