Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student, and I have recently been doing extended research for a news article for my job. This will be the first major news article I’ve ever published. However, I just found out that someone else published an article that is almost exactly like the story I was trying to write, even interviewing many of the people I have been in the process of talking to. I have been doing months of prep work and background research, and I don’t want to abandon the work I’ve done, but I know that the article I publish will be less significant now that someone else in the field has published. This project has meant a lot to me, and I want the work I do to be significant. What should I do? -- Outpaced

DEAR OUTPACED: Schedule an appointment with your editor immediately and reveal what you have learned. Go over the extensive research you have conducted, and then share the article that you discovered. Point out the obvious: Someone else published an article that is frighteningly similar to what you have been researching, and you are not sure what to do. Ask for guidance.

From my perspective, I recommend that you push reset and consider a fresh angle to approach the subject matter. As disappointing as this may seem, what could be worse is to be accused of plagiarism when what actually happened is simply that the other writer finished the work first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just graduated from high school and is planning on going to college this fall, but the school hasn’t announced what they are going to do in the coming year. I can tell she is very worried and stressed out about her future. How do I console her during this time when I, too, am uncertain about what happens next? -- Going to College

DEAR GOING TO COLLEGE: Your daughter is in a predicament that thousands of college-bound students are finding themselves facing. Because of the unpredictability of the trajectory of COVID-19, educational institutions do not know if it is safe to have students clustered closely together for long periods of time. It is virtually impossible in most classroom settings for students to sit 6 feet apart. So many schools are considering staggering classroom hours, extending online learning into the fall and potentially incorporating a combination of both.

Now is the time for your daughter to be patient as she prepares to approach college without knowing all of the details of how she will begin. She may need to be more independent as a learner -- much like what she probably had to do at the end of high school when most students were practicing distance learning.

If your daughter feels driven to have a personal contact at the school, she can reach out to the administrative office to see if anyone is answering calls. Also, if she already knows her field of study, she may be able to reach someone in that department or school to see if she can make a meaningful connection with a professor or administrator who can give her insight as to what is unfolding behind the scenes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Even during these times when so many people are out of work, I am seeing that some young people do not want to work hard. Am I wrong to say that? I have hired two recent college grads in the past two months. And -- can you believe it? -- they don’t show up to work, meaning to a Zoom call, on time. They arrive 10 to 20 minutes late to meetings without even an acknowledgment that they were late. I don’t want to seem like a crotchety old boss, but I don’t get it. I am giving them a chance to work at a time when I need their undivided attention and focus, and I’m not getting it. How can I motivate them? -- Unmotivated

DEAR UNMOTIVATED: Now is the time to teach. You say your employees are recent college grads. The transition from school to work may be more of an adjustment than they imagined. They also may not know things that you consider basic -- such as how important it is to show up on time.

Write up office rules that outline specifically what your expectations are for your employees. Review them with your staff, and have them sign the document to say that they understand and accept the rules. Point out to them that in the virtual work environment, you have specific expectations, and you need them to be honored.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m the mother of 17- and 20-year-old sons who’ve both gone through non-bathing phases. I agree wholeheartedly with the mother of the 22-year-old who suggested not pushing the issue too much because it could tip him over to suicide. Our oldest lost his best friend to suicide his senior year. Being a teenager is rough in ordinary times, but now they are really struggling. Bathing may be one of the few things he can control in a world that feels out of control. Not bathing won’t kill him. Eventually he’ll come around. In the meantime, let him make his own decisions about his body. -- Another Parent of Teens

DEAR ANOTHER PARENT OF TEENS: I am so very sorry for your loss. Teen suicide is a real issue in our community, something we must all take seriously. Of course, bathing or not doesn’t hold a candle to the much bigger issue of mental health.

Emotions are running high for many people during this elongated period of sheltering at home. I have heard from many families who are trying to figure out how to support their children, particularly teenagers, during this time. I know the restrictions that my own teenage daughter now has to endure are the exact opposite of the freedoms we once allowed her. As a blossoming young adult, she was able to go out and be with her friends -- with appropriate curfew considerations -- but that has ended due to COVID-19, at least for now.

I agree that we need to listen carefully and closely to our children and do all that we can to keep them mentally, spiritually and physically healthy during this time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just graduated from college, and my partner moved in with me at my parents’ house because of quarantine. This has deepened our relationship and brought us closer, but it has posed challenges and shown incompatibilities that have me questioning if I want to continue the relationship.

Since we both just graduated college, we are on the job hunt. He seems to be planning his future around me and is suggesting we move to the same city. However, since I am now considering breaking things off at the end of the summer, I feel bad that he may make a choice based on me when I am uncertain about the future of our relationship.

I don’t want to break things off right now because, all things considered, I am really enjoying spending the summer with him. Also, he doesn’t have anywhere else to stay right now. What should I do about this situation, if anything? -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: Put yourself in your boyfriend’s position for a moment. I understand that you don’t want him to feel awkward staying with you if you don’t think the relationship will last. But imagine how he will feel at the end of the summer if you cut him off suddenly.

I think you should take a mature posture and have an honest talk with him. If you would like to enjoy the summer with him, say that. Tell him you are not sure of your next steps; you both have just finished college, and your plans for the future are uncertain. Admit that you don’t know if this relationship is your forever bond, but add that you believe the two of you are enjoying each other now. Ask him if he will agree to make the most of this time as you also tell him that you do not want him to plan his life around what you do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Just about every time I walk outside, someone asks me for money. I know that millions of people are out of work, and I want to help, but people are getting kind of aggressive. If I don’t have money to give every moment, how can I remain kind but firm? Some people have rushed up on me and taken me by surprise, coming close enough to touch me. I feel really uncomfortable, but I don’t want to be rude. -- When To Give

DEAR WHEN TO GIVE: The number of unemployed has surpassed 46 million. Naturally, there are more people in desperate straits because of the lack of resources. What you can do is give when you can, and be firm when you can’t. Pay attention when you go outside, which you should be doing anyway. Notice if people are coming into your personal space, and move away. Sometimes when people are feeling desperate, they can make poor choices. You don’t want to find yourself in the middle of a confrontation that you could avoid. That said, you can look people in the eye and greet them. You can speak to the humanity in each person who encounters you and see them, even if you cannot give them money. That way you avoid being dismissive and cruel. Be aware. Be kind. Be firm about your personal space. Be a citizen of the world, which means continue to care about your fellow humans.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)