DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 22, and I am dating a 30-year-old man who is a residence life coordinator at a dormitory for a large Midwestern university. A part of his benefits is that he has an apartment attached to the dorm, so if the residence assistants need him, he is there. This apartment does not have any rent attached to it.

I was about to move in with him when he told me that I needed to pay $1,000 a month to him as “rent.” I was shocked when he told me this. I have full knowledge of the fact that he doesn’t pay rent and that he is just planning on taking $1,000 from me every month. This has made me rethink not only moving in with him, but dating him in general. What do you think I should do? I thought that he was going to be the one, but unfortunately, this event has shaken my confidence in him. -- Not a Good Fit

DEAR NOT A GOOD FIT: If there ever was a red flag, this is it. You could simply walk away, but if you are curious, ask him why he thinks it’s a good idea to charge you for rent when he is paying none. Perhaps he has bills he needs to pay. Maybe that extra grand will help pay for something essential in his life. If that’s the case, he should state it up front. But that kind of need is best worked out through a transactional relationship -- a roommate with no benefits. Since you two are in a relationship, one would presume that you wouldn’t be expected to fund his dreams. Find out why he thinks it’s a good idea to charge you. Hear him out, but if I were you, I would move somewhere else. Oh, and be sure to take your heart with you!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiance and I moved in together at the beginning of October, and he is terrible at cleaning up after himself. I have OCD, which he is very aware of, yet he still doesn’t see the importance of putting away the dishes or picking up after himself. He does take out the trash and the dogs, but other than that, I am constantly cleaning up behind him. While dating, I never knew it was this bad. How can I tell him that he needs to be more intentional about keeping a clean house without sounding like a parent? -- Clean Home

DEAR CLEAN HOME: Perhaps you can allocate an area of your home that can be his to treat however he likes: his man cave, so to speak. In that space, he can throw his socks around and be as untidy as he wants. You don’t have to ever go in there. That is his space. Outside of that, ask him to follow some basic home hygiene rules. Make a list of what you want him to do to keep tidy. Invite him to work at establishing a routine that will help him to honor his agreement. Know that he won’t always be successful, but if and when he tries, thank him. This will reinforce the good habit.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been looking for inspiration because I feel a bit lost right now. I realize that my role models from before have not been good examples for me, and I ended up modeling behavior that was not beneficial. I have been looking for new sources of inspiration on social media and in newspapers, but those have been unsuccessful and disheartening. I do not know where to look anymore, nor do my friends have suggestions for me or role models of their own. Where do you find your inspiration? Is it in people, ideas or rituals? Who inspires you the most, and what values do they hold? -- Inspirations

DEAR INSPIRATIONS: I find inspiration in stillness and reconnecting to spirit. I have been practicing meditation for many years. Establishing a meditation practice can be extremely beneficial, and it doesn’t have to be a huge investment of time. Consider getting up 30 minutes earlier each day, sitting quietly, possibly with soothing music playing. Then just breathe deeply for three cleansing breaths. As you breathe in, invite light and love into your being. As you breathe out, exhale any discomfort that may be lodged in your body or your spirit. Continue to breathe gently. Hold an affirming thought in your mind. You can focus on welcoming light into your life with each breath. You can repeat an affirmation that speaks to the goodness within you: I am content. I am peaceful. I love life. Try that.

I will add that looking to social media for role models is a dangerous way of attempting to fill your cup. There is so much grandstanding out there, and, as you experienced, role models can be fake. Other sources of inspiration can be nature, a family member or friend who is living a life you admire, an author whose work you read or a professor at school or someone further ahead of you in your career who may be able to serve as a mentor.

After anchoring yourself to your heart, look around for extracurricular activities that may pique your interest and lead you to new friendships.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in the same relationship since I was 16; I am now 22, and I realize that I no longer want to be in it. My boyfriend is an amazing man and we get along great and have talked about marriage, but he has been my only boyfriend, and I want to take some time to figure out who I am becoming and what interests me. I feel that in this relationship, everything is about us together. Please help! -- 6-Year Relationship

DEAR 6-YEAR RELATIONSHIP: Rather than breaking up, why not talk about what’s going on with you? Your boyfriend may be having similar feelings of loving you but wanting some freedom. Talk it out and see if there’s a way for you both to enjoy some space from each other without closing the door. Couples design all kinds of ways of living their lives. If you think there’s a chance for the two of you to have longevity even as you want a break, talk about that and see if you can come to an agreement on how to move forward.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got into a big argument in my friend group that resulted in another friend and I isolating ourselves from one person, “Ruby.” Ruby lied to the rest of the group, claiming that my friend “Mary” and I abandoned her one night, when we dropped her off at her apartment after she repeatedly asked to go home. Mary and I were confronted by the group for leaving Ruby, and we were upset that she would create an issue when there was not one to begin with. Ruby then proceeded to call us terrible friends, so Mary and I decided that we needed space until she apologized for her manipulation. The rest of the group made up with her, but I am reluctant to continue our friendship. I know that we will be in the same circles, but I no longer trust her. What boundaries do you suggest I should set with her and our friendship going forward? -- Friend Manipulation

DEAR FRIEND MANIPULATION: Since Ruby is going to remain in your friend circle, you want to be strategic about how you address her. Ask her directly why she lied about what happened. Listen for her answer, and challenge her if it doesn’t make sense. Be clear that you did not appreciate how she addressed the group -- and you, in particular. Define friendship with her from your perspective.

If you continue to distrust her, keep her at arm’s length. You don’t have to cut her out of your life completely -- which would be hard to do since she’s part of the group -- but you can stop confiding in her and depending on her. You can begin treating her as peripheral to your friend group rather than part of your inner circle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a junior in college, and I have realized this semester that I don’t want to be a teacher. After taking some counseling courses, I realized that I want to be a counselor instead. My dilemma is that I will graduate next year. If I change my degree now, it will be another two years before I graduate. I don’t know if I should just stick with my teaching degree to go ahead and finish my bachelor's or change it. -- Switching Degrees

DEAR SWITCHING DEGREES: If you can afford it, stay in school now and switch your degree. Get the academic preparation you need in order to begin your professional life. Many people change course during their academic years as it can take time to determine what path they want to follow. Do your research to ensure that you feel confident about your new decision. Work with a counselor to map out your course schedule so that you are as efficient as possible in completing your studies. Check to see if education can be your minor or even a double major, based on how many credits you have. Being able to fall back on an education degree is smart. You may be able to combine all of your academic pursuits into a hearty career.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)