DEAR HARRIETTE: During a family trip with my in-laws this holiday season, everyone gathered, including my wife and her sister, brother-in-law and nephew. I've never been close to my wife's family. They've made jokes insinuating that I'm snobbish due to our differing backgrounds. On Christmas Eve, I found out that there was a planned lunch to which everyone was invited except me. My wife mentioned they assumed I wouldn't enjoy the food and decided I'd prefer my own plans. I ended up skipping lunch when they invited me after I asked about it and booking the first flight home without notifying anyone. Was this an overreaction on my part? -- I’m Out

DEAR I’M OUT: You got their attention, that’s for sure. Could you have handled the situation differently? Yes. But to be left out in the way that you were had to have felt like complete rejection. That your wife was part of it only makes the whole situation worse.

I do have to ask you if you make an effort to be cordial with your wife’s family. You don’t have to be best friends, but it is wise to find ways to enjoy their company. If you are a grouch when you are together, they may be justified in leaving you out. Reflect back on your behavior to assess whether “snobbish” is the right word -- or is it “rude”? How do you treat them?

Talk to your wife about the situation. Work together to figure out a way for you to spend time with her family without it being hostile. The goal is for it to be warm and friendly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve reflected on my New Year’s resolutions over the years and realized I haven’t achieved many of my significant goals. This sense of falling short leaves me feeling like I’ve failed. How can I manage to overcome these feelings of failure and setback? What methods or strategies have proven most effective for you in dealing with rough patches when your goals seem out of reach? -- Failure

DEAR FAILURE: It seems like New Year’s resolutions are made to be broken. Be wary of them. Instead, identify specific goals that you have. From that list, pick one that is measurable and achievable and then map out a plan of action to manifest it. List small steps that lead up to the big goal. By accomplishing little things day by day, you build up the confidence to keep going. When things don’t go well and you experience setbacks, don’t give up. Go back to your list and select something to focus on completing. Give yourself a deadline for completion. Do everything in your power to meet that deadline. Celebrate the small victories. This will give you energy to keep up the hard work.

When you don’t meet a goal and feel deflated as you reflect on your life, stop that negative thought spiral. Instead, choose to highlight a goal once again. Know that you can restart your commitments whenever you want to do so. Instead of lamenting what you haven’t been able to finish, cheerlead yourself on to a new victory. Enlist the support of friends who will rally on your behalf. That only helps you to stay the course!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high school math teacher, and I have been facing a challenging situation with one of my students. I am 24 years old and have only been teaching for one year, so I haven’t yet run into many difficult situations. This student has been acting out in class, displaying disruptive behavior and struggling to focus on assignments. After some investigation, I've learned that he is dealing with a hostile home life, which seems to be affecting his behavior at school.

I want to help him succeed academically and emotionally, but I'm unsure about the best way to approach this situation. I am concerned that if I discipline him too harshly, it might worsen the issues he's facing at home. On the other hand, I can't ignore the disruptive behavior, as it affects the entire class. How can I support him without making things worse for him? Are there any resources I can use to help a student dealing with a difficult home life? I want to create a positive and nurturing environment in my classroom, but I'm struggling to strike the right balance in this situation. -- Troubled Student

DEAR TROUBLED STUDENT: Now is the time to enlist the support of your school’s guidance counselor. Talk to that professional about strategies that the school has employed to support students with disruptive tendencies. Ask for advice and partnership when dealing with this student. When his behavior begins to impact the class, invite him to go to the guidance office, where he can get help calming himself and taking a timeout.

Talk to him one on one and try to get him to open up about his life. Find out what interests him, too, so that you can engage him in topics that will feed his positive energy. Encourage him to do some deep breathing when he finds himself getting agitated. Suggest that he excuse himself for a bathroom break before he has an outburst. Offer to meet with him after class to support any additional learning he may need. Provide this as an incentive if he is willing to stay calm and focused during class.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Valuing the art of being fully present during conversations, I make it a point to keep my phone away. However, I've noticed my friends continuously scrolling through theirs while we engage. How can I approach them about the importance of being present and attentive without causing offense or seeming too demanding? -- Screens Off

DEAR SCREENS OFF: If you are close to this group of friends, invite them to do something that is popular with parents and teens: Invite them to put their phones in the middle of the table or in a bowl when you get together. Ask them if they would consider at least occasionally having a technology-free experience when you gather. It will give you all time to be fully present when you are in each other’s company and wean them off of their reliance on their devices.

If they balk, note that when you do get together, inevitably most of them are distracted because they are constantly looking down and scrolling to see what’s happening in the netherworld of the internet rather than what’s happening right in front of their faces.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I find myself in a difficult situation with a close friend I met when I moved to Minneapolis for my job two years ago. I need your advice on how to navigate this matter as I have only made a few friends in Minnesota, and I don’t want to lose one.

Recently, I discovered my friend speaking poorly about me and my family behind my back. Another mutual friend overheard a conversation in which she called me ugly and my family members weird, and now the atmosphere between us is tense. I valued this friendship, and it's disheartening to think that my friend harbors negative feelings or opinions about me and my family. I am unsure how to address the issue without escalating the situation or causing irreparable damage to our relationship. Should I confront her directly about what I've heard, or is there a more subtle approach to addressing the underlying problem? -- Disloyal Friend

DEAR DISLOYAL FRIEND: I get that you feel like you don’t have many friends, but I want to ask you if this “friend” is worth keeping. It sounds like she is proving herself not to be a friend but more of a disruptor. You absolutely should confront her directly. Tell her what you personally overheard and what your mutual friend shared with you. Ask her why she chose to talk about you at all, let alone with mutual friends. What was her motive for doing that? Does she think this is the way a friend behaves? If she has issues with you, why wouldn’t she tell you directly? Listen to her answers to see if there is any merit to what she has to say.

If I were you, I would cut ties with her. She has proven to be disloyal. You don’t need her friendship that much. Choose selectively as you build relationships. Look for people who will treat you with respect.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I gave a friend some cash when she was in desperate need a few months ago. I did it knowing that she wouldn’t be able to repay me. That’s why I made it a gift. Since that time, her circumstances haven’t improved much. She is struggling, but I am not in a position to help her financially anymore. I have recommended all kinds of things that she can do, including looking for work outside of her area of training. She lives in a city where I believe she could find something if she tried, but I don’t see her trying at all, at least not in a realistic way. Instead, she seems to complain all the time about what she doesn’t have. I find this exhausting. I don’t want to listen to it anymore. Is it wrong of me to cut ties with her during this dark period? I have tried to help her, but now it feels like she is bringing me down with her. -- Time To Pivot

DEAR TIME TO PIVOT: Self-preservation is essential, even for kind people. You can and should set up boundaries to protect yourself. Tell your friend you love her, and then pivot to paying attention to your own life. Focus on what you need to do to be whole and healthy. Limit your interactions with this woman. When she starts going negative during a call, end it. Tell her you can no longer talk about dark things. Touch base periodically via text with a positive message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)