DEAR HARRIETTE: This week, I invited one of my friends over to my apartment to have dinner. We were having a great time. As the night came to an end and she was walking out, I spotted a ring on her finger that looked familiar. I told her that I have a ring that looks just like that, and I asked if I could see it up close. I had accidentally gotten a black dot of ink on it one time, and sure enough, the ink was on the ring she was wearing. I told her that this is my ring, and she silently took it off and walked out the door. We haven’t spoken in a week, and I don’t know if I ever want to again.
I am feeling betrayed and hurt, and I'm at a loss for how to proceed. How could someone I considered a friend take something so personal from me without even acknowledging it? Should I confront her about it, or is it best to just let the friendship go? I'm torn between wanting closure and not wanting to engage with someone who would do something like this. -- Thief
DEAR THIEF: With the objective of getting any kind of closure, yes, you should reach out to your friend to find out what’s going on with her. Ask her what is going on in her life. Tell her you are trying to understand how she could come into your home and steal from you. Ask her to explain. As you do so, know that there will be no good excuse. The best you will likely get is a sense of what’s going on inside her head.
People who steal like that are usually in some type of desperate situation. It could be drugs or job loss or even some deep-seated jealousy of you. Whatever it is, you will have to make peace with letting her go. Be sure to tell her that you consider your friendship finished based on her actions.