DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 30-year-old woman who’s fallen hard for a man I feel doesn’t truly love me. I've been with my partner for five years now, and while I love him dearly, I can't shake the feeling that he doesn’t appreciate everything I do for us as a couple. I find myself going above and beyond to make our relationship work -- from planning special dates to taking care of household chores and everything in between. However, it seems like my efforts often go unnoticed or unacknowledged. He rarely expresses gratitude for the things I do, and it's starting to take a toll on me emotionally. I've tried to communicate my feelings to him, but he either dismisses them or fails to understand why I'm upset. I don't want to sound needy or demanding, but I long for some recognition and appreciation for the contributions I make to our relationship. I want to feel valued and cherished in our relationship, but I'm not sure how to make that happen. -- Unappreciated
DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: It is time for you to see the flashing red lights in your life. This man has proven to you that he does not deserve you. The only thing left is for you to accept it. Of course, this is hard to do, especially when you have invested so much into this relationship. But if this man has not noticed or acknowledged your contributions to your relationship for five years, there is no reason for you to think he is going to start now.
It is time for you to plot your course for turning the page. What do you have to do to walk away? Plan your exit strategy. Engage a therapist to help you if you do not feel strong enough to do this on your own. You are going to need to build up your self-esteem, as this relationship has been toxic for you. You can. The time to start is now.