DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been seriously ill for a couple of years, suffering from multiple health issues. I should be fine in several months, but the cure will require surgeries, and my strength must be built up before that can happen.

I do not want attention, and I do not like to talk about these very personal issues -- nor can I imagine that acquaintances wish to hear the details. Yuck!

Until I am strong enough for the operations, though, life is not easy. I feel terrible and exhausted, and rarely go out. I am pale as a ghost. My eyes seem to have retreated back into my head. Makeup makes me look like a sick person who painted their face orange. My hair is dull and just hangs there, as I have not been able to get a haircut. I have lost a lot of weight, and my hands shake.

When I do venture away from home, I am often approached by people I do not know well. They walk up to me, poised for a hearty handshake and some small talk, and then recoil, pulling their hand back dramatically and declaring, “You’re sick! Stay away! You shouldn’t be here!” I assure them that I am not contagious, but they are never convinced.

Getting a bit of fresh air and a change of scenery helps me to cope. Feeling like a public spectacle does not. Talking about all the troubles life has sent my way, just so germaphobes and nosy people will believe that I really don’t have the flu? That makes me cry. Do I need to hide indoors until I am healthy again?

GENTLE READER: Nothing would make Miss Manners happier than to be put out of business by an incurable outbreak of consideration and politeness. But as you are heartbreakingly aware, this has not happened yet.

The consolation she can give is that etiquette does not require any further effort on your part, such as disguising how hurtful these people’s reactions are. In Miss Manners’ perfect world, your explanation that you are not contagious -- and your stricken look -- would be enough to make people think about someone other than themselves next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering which party is responsible for extending social invitations when the “inviter” was previously declined by the “invitee,” and they are not close friends or family. I’ve had several situations in which I’ve invited co-workers and casual friends/acquaintances to participate in some social outing or activity, and they’ve declined, but said something like “We should do something another time!”

Should I continue to invite them to do things? Or does the ball go to their court, so to speak, and I should wait for them to extend me an invitation? And if they do not ever do so, should I take the hint and assume that they’re not interested in having a social friendship?

GENTLE READER: You are right to suspect someone who declines an invitation while offering a nonspecific future alternative. But suspicion is not proof.

Miss Manners would expect, but does not require, the invitee to make the next move. The time to stop asking is while the invitee is still embarrassed and evasive, and before she finds it funny that you are so misreading her lack of interest.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I love East Asian food and are completely comfortable with chopsticks. We understand that bamboo chopsticks come from a renewable resource, although using them one time in a restaurant and then sending them to the landfill seems wasteful.

My main problem is that some restaurants provide chopsticks that apparently have been used before, though rewrapped. They do not always appear to have been thoroughly washed. I don’t bother to use recycled, untreated wooden chopsticks, and I request metal flatware instead.

We own several sets of chopsticks, including one set with two pairs held in a slender, unostentatious teak box. I would much prefer to take them with us to restaurants we patronize, for the reasons I’ve mentioned, but my wife refuses, insisting that doing so would be gauche. I will accept your opinion as decisive.

GENTLE READER: Dining out is an act of faith, not only that the flatware will be clean, but also that the fish has not been sitting on the counter since last Tuesday.

Miss Manners does not allow you to bring your own utensils, particularly since you have an acceptable alternative (asking for flatware).

If this seems harsh, she encourages you to consider that if the proprietors of the restaurant use soiled chopsticks, you might wish to change venues out of a reasonable concern about their less visible sanitary choices.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While visiting a prestigious veterinary clinic for a consultation with my beloved dog’s oncologist, the technician who did the intake brought out her cellphone. I found this offensive and said, “Excuse me, do I have your full attention?” The technician immediately said something along the lines of if I was going to be rude or confrontational, she would leave right then and there.

I was stunned, because I thought my question was very polite in the context of a medical consultation during which she decided to use her cellphone. (She said she took it out to change the settings so we would not be bothered, which should have been done before she entered the room.)

I feel that it is extremely rude to do so while in consultation with a client, and further, that the rebuke I received in return was completely inappropriate and unprofessional. In retrospect, I wish I had said something like, “I was very polite, and would prefer to speak with someone else, thank you,” and left.

GENTLE READER: As you may unfortunately find yourself in a similar situation in the future, Miss Manners can suggest some refinements that may result in a better outcome.

Wording is important, and it would have been less confrontational to say that you would be happy to wait until the technician is ready. But delivery is everything. Hauteur and sarcasm -- if lightly, very lightly, applied -- are useful, while aggression and anger will elicit the reaction you received.

Imagine that a neutral third party is in the room, and that your goal is to convince that person that you are not returning rudeness for rudeness. If you can do this, you will not need to ask for a different technician, as the one provided will be embarrassed instead of angry.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of 24 years has developed a habit, the past year or two, of finishing my sentences for me. I guess he seems to think that he knows me so well, he knows what I plan on saying.

When he finishes, I say, “May I finish what I was saying now?“ as a way of trying to nicely say, “That’s not what I was going to say.”

It has gotten to the point where I don’t even want to tell him anything, because it is so frustrating to be constantly interrupted. When he speaks to me, I give him my undivided attention, and don’t interrupt him.

Although I am disabled, and home all the time, I make it a point not to chatter all the time about things he has no interest in. If it wasn’t for my dog, I would probably be asking my doctor for antidepressants!

GENTLE READER: Your partner may not be as easy to train as the dog, but Miss Manners recommends trying, rather than reaching for pills.

She recommends not finishing what you were going to say. Instead, let him finish, and then say in the smug tone of someone judging a contest, “No! That wasn’t it!”

This forces him to ask, “Well, what was it?” to which you reply, “Oh, take another guess.” Repeat as often as necessary. With any luck, he will eventually tire of this little game.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After a long career in the public eye, and at age 74, I am withdrawing from most public activity to enjoy some years of traveling with my wife and contemplating nature. This means that the serious and very popular cultural events I produce must end, to the regret of the community. No one else is really able to continue the work. The events have been a major cultural and social success.

I’ve been asked several times how I feel about the sum of my experiences. Each time I’m asked, I consciously restrain myself from remarking that only twice in the past years have I been personally thanked, in any way, for any of the complimentary tickets I distribute lavishly. (And in those two instances, I received two separate thank-you notes from the same person.)

I was never motivated by a desire for personal credit. I have no interest in spreading bad feelings. But since I am not YOU, is there any way I can make a comment or take some action to let others know that it’s polite to express gratitude? Or do I remain silent -- politely?

GENTLE READER: Silence should not always be the price of politeness, Miss Manners believes. You could say, “I’ve loved doing this, and I hope others enjoyed it, but I don’t really know, because I never got any feedback.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you receive a wedding gift prior to your wedding, do you open it and set it aside? Or do you open and use it? Of course, we always send thank-yous ASAP.

GENTLE READER: Good. There are those who mistakenly believe that they should wait to write until after the wedding -- and then plead that they are too busy.

You may use the presents right away, but Miss Manners warns you that you then incur another obligation: that of getting married. If you call off the wedding, the presents must be returned unused.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)