The Boston Typewriter Orchestra has been performing its unique brand of music throughout New England since 2004 and will now be releasing its first vinyl album later this summer. Self-proclaimed conductor Tim Devin and a group of friends founded the ensemble as a joke, reports Ripley's Believe It or Not, and after premiering at Boston's Art Beat Festival, the idea took off. Using vintage machines to rhythmically clack, roll, spin and bang out "music," the typist-musicians say different models produce different sounds. "A Smith-Corona Galaxy 12 has a power space function that makes a nice metallic clang sound," explained Brendan Emmett Quigley. [Ripley's Believe It or Not, 6/16/2020]

Animal Antics

-- In Oakland, California's Grand Lake neighborhood, Gerald the turkey has been an institution for some time, regularly queueing up with carpool riders near Morcom Rose Garden. But lately, Gerald has grown grumpy and started attacking park visitors, reports KGO, prompting complaints to Oakland Animal Services. "I swear I was getting flashbacks to the velociraptor scenes in 'Jurassic Park' as he was 'cooing' at me, sizing me up," one said. Others said Gerald charged them, clawing and pecking as they tried to run. In response, the city closed the rose garden at the end of May and asked people not to feed Gerald or any other wildlife, as it "may have contributed to the male turkey becoming more aggressive," the parks department said. Animal control officers are also trying to "train him to revert to natural behaviors," but have had limited success keeping him socially distanced from humans. [KGO, 6/12/2020]

-- Kalua, an infamous alcoholic monkey in Kanpur, India, has been sentenced to live out his days in isolation, Gulf News reported. The animal once belonged to a local occultist who would give him alcohol. After the owner died, Kalua couldn't get his fix and became aggressive, sinking his teeth into more than 250 people, one of who died of his wound. The Kanpur zoo took Kalua in, trying to acclimate him to captivity and other monkeys, but zoo workers are throwing in the towel. "It has been three years since he was brought here," said zoo doctor Mohd Nasir. "He will remain in captivity all his life." [Gulf News, 6/16/2020]

Desperate Times

-- In April, following the cancellation of basketball madness, a Twitter account called March Madness of Flags was launched "for the love of vexillology," pitting banners from all over the world against one another in a fearsome bracket to determine which was the "coolest flag." During the final four, held over the weekend of June 13-14, the St. Louis (Missouri) flag beat out Stuttgart's entry, then went on to clinch the championship in a commanding 625-49 victory over the standard from Yaroslavl Oblast, a Russian federal district north of Moscow. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported the city's flag, a relative newcomer, was designed by Yale University art history professor Theodore Sizer and adopted in 1964 for the city's bicentennial. [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 6/15/2020]

-- For those missing travel abroad, Songshan Airport in Taipei, Taiwan, is offering 90 people the opportunity to tour the airport and "pretend to go abroad." On July 2, 4 and 7, participants can spend a half-day going through immigration, boarding an airplane, and then getting off the plane and re-entering the country through immigration. "People who didn't have the opportunity to take international flights at Songshan (can) use this chance to experience and learn more about the boarding process and relevant service facilities," Chih-ching Wang, deputy director of the airport, told CNN Travel. Tour customers will also get to take home "exclusive mysterious gifts." [CNN Travel, 6/12/2020]

Awwwwww

Seniors from Glens Falls High School near Tulsa, Oklahoma, pulled a classic prank on what would have been the last day of their high school career: On June 12, they hung a large sign from the school saying, "For Sale! Vacant Since March," along with some of the school's attributes, such as "2 full size gyms" and "swimming pool." But Principal Tammy Silvernell could hardly be mad: Attached to the back of the sign was a letter from students she characterized as "the most polite pranksters ever," according to The Daily Gazette. "This was all in good fun," the letter read. "We hope to have made you laugh and miss us a little more ... thank you all for an amazing four years at GFHS!" The students also offered to remove the sign and included a phone number to call. [Daily Gazette, 6/13/2020]

The Foreign Press

The Associated Press reported that an unnamed man in Vienna, Austria, was hit with a 500 euro ($565) fine for "offending public decency" when he broke wind following an encounter with police on June 5. Authorities said that "of course no one is reported for accidentally 'letting one go,'" but after behaving "provocatively and uncooperatively," the man rose from a bench and "let go a massive intestinal wind apparently with full intent. And our colleagues don't like to be farted at so much." [ABC News, 6/16/2020]

Bad Apples

-- The Gatlinburg SkyBridge in Tennessee was closed on June 15 after a guest at SkyLift Park attempted to execute a baseball-style slide across the glass panels in the middle of the bridge and a piece of metal on the guest's clothing chipped and cracked the top layer of glass. According to WBIR, multiple signs warn against "running, jumping or bouncing" on the SkyBridge, the longest pedestrian suspension bridge in North America. Park spokesman Marcus Watson said the top layer of glass serves only as protection for the other two layers and the cracks didn't affect the span's structural integrity. Workers replaced the layer of glass with cedar planks and the bridge has been reopened. [WBIR, 6/16/2020]

-- The U.S. Forest Service is investigating a photo posted by David Lesh, 35, on Instagram showing him walking on a log across Hanging Lake in Garfield County, Colorado, in defiance of clearly posted rules prohibiting people from entering the water there. The post blew up with criticisms, but Lesh fired back, challenging others to walk on the log and even defecate in the lake. KDVR reported Lesh has a history of run-ins with authorities, including being cited for harassing a moose with his car in 2014 and setting 25 grocery carts on fire in Boulder, Colorado. Earlier this year he was caught snowmobiling in the Keystone ski area when the slopes were shut down because of COVID-19. On June 16 he was ordered to pay $500 and do 50 hours of community service for another snowmobiling incident from 2019. [KDVR, 6/16/2020]

The Way the World Works

Saying that "extra precautions are justifiable and understandable where the president is concerned," Russian spokesman Dmitry Peskov told reporters that anyone meeting President Vladimir Putin at his house outside Moscow or in the Kremlin must pass through a disinfection tunnel that showers visitors with a "disinfecting aerosol" and a bath of ultraviolet light. The Guardian reported on June 17 the tunnels can also use facial recognition software and take the visitor's temperature. Peskov said, "They were installed when the epidemic was in full swing," but would not say whether Putin has used the tunnels himself. [The Guardian, 6/17/2020]

RIP

The Hollywood Reporter announced on June 16 that puppeteer Pat Brymer, 70, passed away in April. As a puppet builder, Brymer worked with ventriloquist Shari Lewis on "Lamb Chop's Play Along" and with Trey Parker and Matt Stone's "Team America: World Police," but he is best remembered for bringing to life Bill Murray's pesky nemesis gopher in 1980's "Caddyshack." [Hollywood Reporter, 6/16/2020]

The 95-year-old Giant Dipper wooden roller coaster at Belmont Park in Mission Beach, California, is a National Historic Landmark, but it, along with all of the other rides in the park, has been closed to riders since March. To keep it in good repair and ready for reopening, the coaster must run 12 times every day, and park mechanics discussing how reopening would happen hit upon an idea: They loaded the coaster's 24 seats with giant plush animals from the park's midway games prize stash. "People are loving it," Steve Thomas, the park's general manager, told The San Diego Union-Tribune. "We've seen tons of videos and pictures that people have been posting online." Thomas said when the coaster reopens, he may keep the furry riders on board to help with social distancing rules. [San Diego Union-Tribune, 6/2/2020]

Least Competent Criminal

An unnamed 29-year-old man in Berlin, Germany, triggered alarms at a supermarket on June 5 when he tried to leave without paying for $5.65 in merchandise. The Associated Press reported that police had little trouble apprehending the man because, in his hurry escape, he left his 8-year-old son behind. Not only did the burglar's "accessory" help police identify him, but the thief fell down as he was escaping and ended up in the hospital. [Associate Press via Norfolk Daily News, 6/8/2020]

Can't Possibly Be True

The Daily Star reports that a 30-year-old man turned up at Zhaoqing First People's Hospital in Guangdong, China, on June 3 suffering from abdominal pain. Doctors performed a series of scans before discovering a freshwater fish in the man's large intestine, the presence of which he explained by saying he had accidently sat on it. "Do you think I'm an idiot?" one of the doctors replied. The spiny fins of the Mozambique tilapia had caused ruptures in the man's intestine and had to be removed through his abdomen by surgery, but the man survived the ordeal and recovered. [Daily Star, 6/8/2020]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

Canadian Glen Richard Mousseau's adventure with Michigan law enforcement began on May 10, when he was arrested in St. Clair County driving a U-Haul truck and in possession of $97,000. He cooperated with authorities, admitting he was the owner of a submarine seized by the Border Patrol April 23 and he had been using it to ferry drugs between Michigan and Ontario, Canada. Mlive.com reported Mousseau agreed to await the investigation's outcome in a local hotel, but on May 22, federal agents said he had absconded, leaving behind five phones, a laptop and a diving suit. On June 5, Border Patrol officers observed packages thrown into the Detroit River from a vessel entering U.S. waters and found Mousseau unconscious in the water with 265 pounds of marijuana tethered to him with a tow strap. He's being held on charges of smuggling and possession of a controlled substance. [mlive.com, 6/8/2020]

Fail

Several sailors of the Royal Navy found themselves in over their heads on May 30 as their plan for a barbecue and beers got out of hand. A witness told The Sun, "They were smashed and hadn't bothered to watch for the tide." The Daily Star reported that one partier became cut off from the group, and when another went out to rescue him, they both struggled. Emergency services had to be called in, and one of the sailors had to be lifted off a cliff with a winch, the coast guard confirmed. The Royal Navy expressed its regret that emergency services were needed, but they "remain grateful for their help." [Daily Star, 6/8/2020]

Questionable Judgment

Shaun Michaelsen, 41, told police in Jupiter, Florida, he was only trying to be a "cool father" when he let a friend's 12-year-old daughter drive his Jeep on June 8. Officer Craig Yochum saw the Jeep make an illegal U-turn and speed away, the Associated Press reported, so he followed as the vehicle hit speeds of 85 mph in a 45 mph zone. The underage driver told Yochum that Michaelson, who admitted he had been drinking, told her to drive fast. He was arrested and is being held in the Palm Beach County Jail. [Associated Press, 6/9/2020]

Overreaction

Richland County (South Carolina) sheriff's officers are searching for a man and woman who held a Pizza Hut manager at gunpoint on May 29 in Columbia -- because they didn't receive the 2-liter bottle of Pepsi they had ordered for delivery with their pie. The manager told WIS the couple entered the restaurant complaining about the delivery, then came behind the counter and as the man held out a gun, the woman removed a bottle of Pepsi from the cooler. Once the goods were in hand, the man put his gun away, and they left the store. [WIS, 6/10/2020]

Bright Idea

A tech startup called ChampTrax has a novel solution for the problem of professional sports being played in empty stadiums. Jason Rubenstein told Fox4 News in Kansas City, Missouri, that his company's Hear Me Cheer technology allows fans watching at home to enable a microphone on a phone or laptop as they watch a game; the sounds fans make will then be captured and aggregated into a single track for the broadcast. "If you're alone in your home, what's the point of booing if no one can hear you?" Rubenstein asked. ESPN featured Hear Me Cheer on a June 9 boxing broadcast and during the NFL draft in April, and the company says it is in talks with other networks and sports leagues. [Fox4 News, 6/10/2020]

Oops

Seniors at Ashley Ridge High School in Dorchester County, South Carolina, were excited about attending their in-person graduation ceremony on June 10. Administrators planned limited proceedings on the field at Swamp Fox Stadium, where students and spectators could spread out in keeping with COVID-19 restrictions. But as Principal Karen Radcliffe began to introduce the valedictorian and salutatorian, the field's sprinklers switched on, spraying the field and sending people scrambling. "Everyone started running to the sides to try and avoid getting soaked before getting their diploma!" senior Megan Mowrer told WCBD. [WCBD, 6/10/2020]

Everyone's a Critic

Saxophonist Christian Beck, 50, has been treating his neighbors to two hours of music from his front porch in Sible Hedingham, England, every Saturday during the local coronavirus lockdown. Passersby would stop and listen, residents of Forest Home care facility nearby were particular fans, and money has been raised for charity through donations people have left. But Beck told the Daily Gazette his Saturday concerts will come to an end on June 13 after a letter from the Braintree Council informed him that an official noise complaint has been lodged against him. "Playing the saxophone is like a therapy for me ... and it's upsetting to think that someone complained," Beck told the Daily Gazette. "I didn't want to go against anyone so I'm calling it a day." [Daily Gazette, 6/11/2020]

Police Report

-- Angel Castro, 39, was arrested in Schenectady, New York, on June 9 after police found him and a missing golf course beverage cart at the Kelsey Commons apartment complex. Police spokesman Sgt. Nick Mannix told The Daily Gazette a worker at the Stadium Golf Club had driven the beverage cart up to the clubhouse to restock it with drinks when the suspect jumped inside and took off. Castro was charged with felony grand larceny. [The Daily Gazette, 6/9/2020]

-- Mark Alan Johnson, 67, of Rice Lake, Wisconsin, was sentenced June 3 to five years in state prison following his 15th arrest for drunk driving. Most recently he was arrested in November after steering his pickup into a ditch near his home. At the time, his license had been revoked, and his blood alcohol content was measured at almost twice the legal limit, even though Johnson told police he'd had only two glasses of wine and a can of beer, The Smoking Gun reported. Johnson's attorney, Renee Taber, noted that Johnson is a "likable, down-to-earth, blue-collar man," but his "downfall is that he is an alcoholic." After four years of confinement, he'll be eligible for the state's substance abuse program. [The Smoking Gun, 6/5/2020]

Alex Masmej of Paris, France, is a 23-year-old with a strong sense of self-worth. So strong, in fact, that he sold shares of himself via an initial coin offering, or ICO, in April. Masmej sold tokens, called $ALEX, to 30 investors, raising more than $20,000, which he plans to use to move to San Francisco. Investors in $ALEX reportedly receive a share of any money he makes over the next three years, up to $100,000; a vote on some of his life decisions; and promotion from Masmej on his social media channels, Decrypt reported. (He has a whopping 3,200 followers on Twitter and 517 on Instagram.) "Since there are no legal contracts," Masmej said, "I can technically run away with the money." But he won't because "it will hurt my reputation amongst those very people I need help from. It's more likely that I just don't make money and pay back very little." Mmm hmmm. [Decrypt, 4/18/2020]

Double Trouble

Some folks never learn. On May 9, a New Hampshire State Police trooper pulled over Nicole George, 31, in Newington. George was driving 90 mph in a 50 mph zone; after the traffic stop, she went on. But only 13 minutes later, a second trooper clocked her doing 111 mph in a 65 mph zone in Rochester. The first trooper responded to assist at the second traffic stop, NECN reported, and she was arrested for reckless operation. However, after her arrest, authorities found about 40 grams of fentanyl and some methamphetamine in George's possession; they seized her Honda Pilot, and they suspect criminal activity was the reason for her big hurry. [NECN, 5/10/2020]

Priorities

As rioters looted and vandalized stores and other businesses in Seattle on May 30, one woman, wearing a cloth mask and a backpack, was caught on news cameras calmly walking out of the Cheesecake Factory with a whole cheesecake, adorned with undisturbed strawberries on top. A KIRO news crew captured the footage as others threw bottles of liquor and broke windows. "With everything going on, sometimes you just have to take a moment to treat yourself," one Twitter user commented. [KIRO, 5/31/2020]

Oops

-- Dang those tricky Zoom calls. As at least 12 government officials met online on May 29 in Mexico, Sen. Martha Lucia Micher thought her camera was off and changed her top as her colleagues looked on. Micher, 66, issued an apology, saying: "In one part of the session, without realizing and while the camera of my computer was on, I got changed showing my naked torso. ... Thanks to a call from (other) senators ... I realized my error." She went on: "I am a woman who has fought for the left for almost 40 years and who has occupied various public roles in my fervent commitment for the defense of human rights, I am a woman who is not ashamed of her body." According to the Daily Mail, she blamed the mistake on her lack of technological savvy. [Daily Mail, 6/3/2020]

-- Car buffs who were able to snag a 2020 Chevrolet Corvette C8 were lucky: Coronavirus shut down production before too many of them could be built. So imagine how angry the owner of one of the prized autos was when he took his car to a Chevy dealership in Jacksonville, Florida, for service on June 1 -- and the car was dropped off the lift. According to CarBuzz, the new 'Vette has a different weight distribution than its predecessors, and service techs didn't know the right way to position it on the lift. Car owner Jake Anthony posted a photo of the wrecked hot rod on his Instagram account, where he noted that "I've spoken with (GM) executives, I'm not interested in a new base model." [CarBuzz, 6/2/2020]

I Am Not Dead Yet

The BBC reported that on June 2, railroad workers became alarmed after spotting a pair of human feet and "no signs of life" near the Chafford Hundred station in Essex, England. The British Transport Police reported that officers who rushed to the scene "found a man in his late 30s enjoying some nude sunbathing." A spokeswoman for Network Rail punned: "Let me lay it bare, the railway is not a place to sunbathe. Please keep away from the tracks." Another spokesperson said the episode was "not as uncommon as you might think." The sunbather received "words of advice" but no citation. [BBC, 6/3/2020]

The Foreign Press

Police in Madrid, Spain, caught up with a wanted criminal in late May, AFP reported. Nacho Vidal, a porn star, was charged with manslaughter relating to the death of fashion photographer Jose Luis Abad last year at Vidal's country residence. According to authorities, Abad died after inhaling "venom of the bufo alvarius toad" during the "celebration of a mystic ritual." The toad, which is native to Mexico and the southwestern U.S., secretes venom containing a powerful psychedelic substance. Police said Vidal and his cohorts have lured people who are "easily influenced, vulnerable or who were seeking help for illnesses or addictions" to the rituals on a regular basis. One of Vidal's relatives and an employee were also arrested. [AFP, 6/3/2020]

Unclear on the Concept

Julie Wheeler of Beaver, West Virginia, pleaded guilty in February to health care fraud and faced up to 10 years in prison. So she and her husband, Rodney Wheeler, apparently cooked up a plan to keep her out of jail: On May 31, Rodney and the couple's 17-year-old son reported that Julie had fallen from the Grandview overlook at the New River Gorge National River. Federal, state and local law enforcement agencies and rescue crews began a search for her, including use of a helicopter and rappelling into a jagged canyon, to no avail. After three days of searching, however, Julie turned up -- hiding in a closet in her home, WVNS reported. Now, in addition to the fraud conviction, Julie and Rodney will face multiple charges of conspiracy and giving false information to West Virginia State Police. "It is hard to hide at home," remarked U.S. Attorney Mike Stuart. [WVNS, 6/3/2020]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

Cobbler Grigore Lup of Cluj, Romania, was disturbed to see people ignoring social distancing guidelines put in place for the COVID-19 pandemic. So he created a pair of size-75 (European) men's shoes, each of which is about 2 1/2 feet long. The shoes have a regular space for the foot but then a long bill-like section that extends from the toe. Lup told United Press International that the shoes are designed so that two people facing each other (and wearing his shoes) have to keep a distance of about 5 feet. [United Press International, 6/3/2020]

The Way the World Works

Lowering the Bar reported on June 3 that the divorce rate in Saudi Arabia has climbed by as much as 30% during the COVID-19 pandemic. According to a referenced report, at least some of those divorces are the result of women finding out that their husbands are secretly also married to another woman, an apparently not uncommon practice in that country. "The pandemic, domestic isolation and curfew contributed to uncovering the hidden (marriage)," the report noted, citing specific cases. [Lowering the Bar, 6/3/2020]