Authorities executed a search warrant relating to a narcotics investigation in the South Texas town of Mercedes on March 25, but what they seized wasn't drugs. Drug Enforcement Administration Special Agent Sammy Parks told the Associated Press that officers had been warned there were exotic animals on the 5-acre property, and game wardens who joined the search found a white Bengal tiger, bobcat, kinkajou, porcupines, llamas, emus and deer. While no arrests were made, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department had to euthanize three of the animals; the remainder were removed to the Austin Zoo for examination and rehabilitation. [Associated Press, 4/3/2020]

How the World Has Changed

-- Amy Simonson and Dan Stuglik proceeded with their planned wedding on April 4 in Pokagon, Michigan, but the coronavirus pandemic forced them to get creative. While the original guest list of 150 people had to be pared down repeatedly as restrictions were placed on public gatherings, Stuglik was determined that his bride not walk down the aisle between empty pews in the Old Rugged Cross Church. He hit upon the idea of filling the church with cardboard cutouts of family and friends and stopped by Menasha Packaging Co. to ask for help. Employees Ted Harris and Luke Arendash jumped at the chance. "(Stuglik) was just looking for a general person shape, but I was able to make it a little bit more realistic audience for them," Harris told The Herald Palladium. The company supplied more than 100 cutouts of varying sizes, shapes and hairstyles. The newlyweds moved their reception to October and canceled their honeymoon in Newport, Rhode Island, but Stuglik said they "both have peace now, because it's stripped down to what it should be, which is us and God, getting married." [Herald Palladium, 4/1/2020]

-- Our four-legged friends are taking advantage of the COVID-19 lockdown in multiple cities, United Press International reported: On March 31, 122 Kashmiri goats took over the Welsh town of Llandudno, eating gardens and sleeping in the yards; on April 6, residents of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, reported a large herd of deer casually wandering through neighborhoods; in Gir, Gujarat, India, citizens were warned on April 5 to stay inside not only because of the pandemic but because a large lion was nosing around the city; at a Fast Stop store in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a bear took the low-traffic opportunity to dumpster dive on April 3; and in the Central Region of Singapore, witnesses captured video of a horse galloping through the empty streets of Bukit Timah on April 6. She had escaped from the Paisano Polo Academy, where the owner said she'd only been loose for about 20 minutes. [United Press International, various]

-- Recent sunny weather in the Czech spa town of Lazne Bohdanec, where sunbathing naked is allowed, brought out more than a hundred eager sunbathers -- nude and not -- but police were soon on hand to warn they still needed to wear face masks, as ordered by the Czech government, reported the Daily Mail. "Citizens can be without clothes in places designated for this purpose, but they must have their mouths covered and must observe the numbers in which they can go out into nature," police spokeswoman Marketa Janovska told local media. "We understand that many people do not have a garden and want to ventilate in the countryside," she added. About half of the 150 people were not wearing masks, but no fines were issued. [Daily Mail, 4/7/2020]

Coronavirus Cosplay

Police on horseback and motorcycles in Hyderabad, India, are reminding civilians about the dangers of COVID-19 by wearing large red masks and headdresses in the shape of the virus as they patrol. Police Commissioner Anjani Kumar said the masked officers would be stationed at various city junctions, Fox News reported. Ironically, the city organized a rally on April 7 to kick off the awareness campaign, displaying signs reading "Please Avoid Gathering" and "Social Distancing Is Social Responsibility." [Fox News, 4/7/2020]

Crowd Control

-- According to his attorney, Rumson, New Jersey, resident John Maldjian, 54, intended for his "Stay at Home" Pink Floyd cover concert to be viewed only on Facebook Live by his friends on April 4. However, at the last minute, Maldjian decided to play his guitar on his front porch, which drew a crowd. What started with a few neighbors eventually grew to about 30 people in his front yard when police showed up to enforce social distancing orders, NJ Online reported. One of the "partiers" allegedly became abusive, according to police, but attorney Mitchell J. Ansell said his client had "absolutely no malicious intentions ... and never wanted this to escalate." Maldjian was charged for violating emergency orders. [NJ Online, 4/6/2020]

-- A 21-year-old woman and her 61-year-old father, of Key West, Florida, told Monroe County Sheriff's officers they were on a boat off Wisteria Island April 4 where they spotted a group of about 20 college-aged people drinking on the beach, the New York Daily News reported. The woman said they approached the group and asked them to obey social distancing orders and keep the noise down, but the people became violent and struck both victims in the head with a baseball bat. Authorities said both sustained head injuries in the attack; the attackers jumped into three boats docked nearby and took off, and no one has been arrested. [NY Daily News, 4/7/2020]

Using the Weapons at Hand

-- Michigan State Police responding to a call in Gibson Township, Michigan, on April 6 seized a muzzleloader pistol from a man involved in a dispute over a camping trailer, authorities said. Trooper David Kaiser said officers discovered a 58-year-old man and a female relative had arrived at the property to pick up the trailer, but the 55-year-old man who lived there questioned its ownership. The resident fired the muzzleloader, hitting no one, said Kaiser, then allegedly used the gun to strike the older man, which prompted the woman to grab a shovel and hit the resident on the head. MLive reported police arrested the resident for felonious assault; further charges are pending. [MLive, 4/7/2020]

-- Shadae Miranda, 30, was charged with felony domestic battery in Fort Pierce, Florida, on April 4, after allegedly attacking a man with a "15.6-ounce metal can of Spaghettio's ... in a plastic bag," according to an arrest affidavit. The Smoking Gun reported the victim told police he and Miranda were sharing a room at the Travel Inn motel where, after he arrived "home from the hospital," the two began to argue. The victim told police he stepped outside to let things cool down, but Miranda followed him, wielding the Spaghettio's. She was arrested, but it was unclear whether the Spaghettio's were booked into evidence. [Smoking Gun, 4/7/2020]

People Are Good

Royal Mail postman Jon Matson still has to make his rounds in the English village of Boldon during the coronavirus lockdown, and he's doing what he can to "lift the spirits" of the residents he sees along the way. Matson, 39, has been sporting different costumes, including a Greek soldier, a cheerleader and Little Bo Peep -- all with the Royal Mail's blessing, as long as he wears his uniform shoes. "Everyone is uncertain at the moment, and you are the only person outside of the family that they see, so why not give them something to smile about," Matson told the Sunderland Echo on March 28. He's coy, though, about what sorts of costumes are on tap in the days to come. Zoe Grant, who lives on Matson's route, gushed: "I'm proud that Jon is my postman, and I can't wait to see his next costume." [Sunderland Echo, 3/28/2020]

-- In Melbourne, Australia, "a bit of boredom in isolation" led 27-year-old astrophysicist Daniel Reardon to experiment on March 26 with an idea to stop people from touching their faces -- a necklace and accompanying bracelet of magnets that would sound an alarm whenever someone reached up, The Guardian reported. When that didn't work, Reardon started playing with the powerful neodymium magnets, clipping them to his earlobes and nostrils, and that's where things went wrong. Two magnets inside his nostrils became stuck together, and he couldn't separate them. Reardon tried using pliers, but they became magnetized: "Every time I brought the pliers close to my nose, my entire nose would shift toward the pliers and then the pliers would stick to the magnet," he said. Finally, his partner "took me to the hospital that she works in because she wanted all her colleagues to laugh at me," and doctors applied an anesthetic spray, then manually removed the magnets. "Needless to say, I am not going to play with the magnets anymore," Reardon said. [The Guardian, 3/30/2020]

-- Donuts Delite in Rochester, New York, has found a special way to pay tribute to immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci. Since March 23, the shop has been printing Dr. Fauci's image on thin, edible paper, then applying it to the buttercream frosting on its doughnuts. Nick Semeraro, franchisee of the shop, told the Democrat & Chronicle: "He's on TV giving us the facts; you've got to respect that. ... People are buying them like crazy. We're making more right now." The doc doughnuts go for $20 per dozen, curbside pickup and delivery available. [Democrat & Chronicle, 3/30/2020]

-- A survey commissioned by Mentimeter, an interactive presentation company, found that 12% of people working from home turn their computer's camera off during a video meeting because they're wearing few or no clothes, United Press International reported on March 26. Along with that, Walmart Executive Vice President Dan Bartlett told The Washington Post, "we're seeing increased sales in tops, but not bottoms," a phenomenon presumably driven by video conferencing workers who do leave their cameras on. [United Press International, 3/26/2020; Washington Post, 3/28/2020]

-- App developers Daniel Ahmadizadeh and Christopher Smeder have good news for those in the dating pool during this time of social distancing and staying at home. Quarantine Together is a text-based app they launched on March 15 that asks users once a day whether they've washed their hands, and if they say yes, they're introduced to another user. Nivi Jayasekar of San Francisco told CNN she was eager to give it a shot: "It was a hilarious idea. I feel like it's an opportunity to form a deeper connection with someone before meeting them," she said. Ahmadizadeh reports that sign-ups have been growing by 50% every day. [CNN, 3/29/2020]

Doggone It!

Alberto Tito Alejandro, 51, was arrested following a high-speed chase after Washington state troopers received multiple calls on March 29 about a car hitting two other vehicles south of Seattle and then racing away at speeds up to 100 mph, AFP reported. Trooper Heather Axtman said when officers got close to the 1996 Buick, they were shocked to see a dog sitting in the driver's seat. Alejandro was steering and pushing the gas pedal from the passenger seat. "When we took him into custody," Axtman said, "he admitted to our troopers that he was teaching his dog to drive. ... I've heard a lot of excuses ... but I've never had an excuse that the dog was driving." Alejandro was charged on multiple counts, including driving under the influence of drugs. [AFP, 3/30/2020]

All In

MedFet UK, a small company that supplies people who indulge in medical fetishes, donated its entire inventory ("just a few sets") of disposable medical scrubs to Britain's National Health Service on March 27 after being contacted by desperate procurement officers, Metro News reported. "When we, a tiny company set up to serve a small section of the kink community, find ourselves being sought out as a last-resort supplier to our National Health Service in a time of crisis, something is seriously wrong," the company posted on Twitter. It also took the opportunity to provide a PSA: "Whether getting ready for some kinky fun or guarding against a virus outbreak, the single most effective method of infection control is scrupulous hand hygiene." [Metro News, 3/28/2020]

Discovery

Friends Callum Gow, Josh Grossman and Carson Schiefner in British Columbia, Canada, all in their early 20s, decided a hike away from more heavily traveled trails near Alouette Lake would be a good way to maintain social distance on March 20. There have long been rumors of a stash of gold hidden in the area, but the treasure they discovered was completely different: a secret camp, including supplies, that hadn't been touched for almost 30 years. "It was almost like one of those time capsules that you run into," Schiefner told the CBC. The hikers found sealed boxes, a radio, a Coleman stove, first aid supplies, a knife, tobacco and, apropos to current day, a big roll of toilet paper. A log book revealed the camp had been used from 1986 until 1991, and through social media, the hikers managed to find some of the original campers, including Rick Senft. He explained that a group of friends calling themselves the B.C. Weirdness Federation set up the camp, but "life gets in the way" and they gathered there less and less. "They're probably some of the best years I had," he reminisced. [CBC, 3/29/2020]

Desperate Measures

After three days quarantined in his house in Mexico, Antonio Munoz got a yen for Cheetos. With the neighborhood store just feet away, but out of reach for a nonessential trip outside, Munoz enlisted the help of his chihuahua, Chokis. Munoz attached a note and $20 to Chokis' collar and sent the dog across the street. Sure enough, Chokis returned with the Cheetos, and Munoz told Metro News on March 25 he has repeated the trip two other times, bringing back different flavors of potato chips. [Metro News, 3/25/2020]

Government in Action

Business Insider reported the U.S. Navy installed new toilet and sewage systems on two of its aircraft carriers -- the Nimitz-class USS George H.W. Bush and the newer USS Gerald R. Ford -- but found they "reportedly cannot withstand demand without having problems." Frequent clogs require the Navy to "acid flush" the sewage systems "on a regular basis," each flush costing $400,000, a Government Accountability Office review indicated. The carriers house a crew of more than 4,000 people. [Business Insider, 3/24/2020]

Can't Win

A tractor-trailer crash and subsequent fire near Dallas on April 1 lay waste to an entire load of a hot commodity in these bizarre times: toilet paper. The Associated Press reported the driver was unharmed, but the TP "burned extensively" and spilled over the interstate, which had to be closed to traffic. The truck was hauling the large rolls typically used in business restrooms. [Associated Press, 4/1/2020]

Police in Pinellas County, Florida, responded to the Clearwater Mall late on March 22, where witnesses had reported a woman screaming in a parked car. According to an arrest affidavit, the officers discovered the woman and Robert Janisch, 21, "wrestling with each other" in their birthday suits. The couple told police that after they had intercourse, the woman went to urinate outside the car, using a napkin to wipe herself, which she then accidentally threw on Janisch, prompting an argument. The affidavit stated the argument escalated to the point that Janisch choked his girlfriend, but he contended the marks on her neck occurred earlier at the beach. WFLA reported Janisch was arrested for domestic battery. [WFLA, 3/26/2020]

Signs of the Apocalypse (As If We Needed More)

Steward Gatt, also known as Stewy the Snake Catcher, was summoned to a yard in Ardeer, Victoria, Australia, in mid-March, where he bagged up a female tiger snake in order to relocate it in the wild. But when Gatt opened the bag a short time later, he discovered the snake had given birth to several offspring -- one of which had two heads. According to United Press International, Gatt took the snakes to Direct Vet Services and had them checked over. The usual one-headed babies were fine, but the two-headed specimen had to be euthanized; "... these animals are not generally viable so it was euthanized on humane grounds," the clinic posted on its Facebook page. Mom and babies were returned to the wild according to plan. [United Press International, 3/20/2020]

Oops

Vicar Simon Beach, 61, of St. Budeaux Parish Church in Plymouth, England, was uncomfortable enough as he launched into his first virtual church service on March 22, calling it "surreal." But as he leaned into the camera to deliver the final portion of his sermon, he looked to his left and calmly deadpanned, "Oh dear, I've just caught fire." Beach had leaned a bit too close to one of several nearby candles and ignited his sleeve. "I just felt my arm getting a bit hot," he told Metro News. The flame damaged his sweater and shirt, but did not burn his skin. Beach was teased a bit by fellow vicars, who razzed him for being "on fire for Jesus." "People have laughed and laughed, really," Beach said. [Metro News, 3/22/2020]

Crafting During the Coronavirus

Steve Walton of Shotley Bridge, England, took a bad spill in 2018 and, after a series of surgeries, had to have the lower part of his leg amputated in January. He was scheduled to be fitted with a prosthetic leg in mid-March, but his appointment was delayed because of the coronavirus crisis. That was when his wife, Atchari, went to work, making a leg for him using a bucket, fiberglass resin and wood. The first attempt kept falling off ("It was more akin to something Long John Silver would wear," Walton said), but Ms. Walton refined her project using a moon boot, and it worked. "My wife is very practical. She can turn her hand to anything," Walton told the BBC. "I am not going to use this regularly, but it will be good for getting around the house for the next three to six months. There are people far worse off than me at the minute." [BBC, 3/24/2020]

Least Competent Criminal

Kenneth Braden, 65, filled his shopping cart at a Nashville-area Kroger store with essentials -- five cases of beer and two packages of toilet paper -- on March 11, then bypassed the checkout lanes, according to court documents. As he attempted to leave the store, he tripped the alarm sensors at the door and the wheels on his cart locked up. After several unsuccessful attempts to move the cart, he fled the store. WZTV reported Metro Police later picked him up and charged him with theft of merchandise and driving on a suspended license. [WZTV, 3/12/2020]

Lesson Learned

Taiwan has strictly cracked down on its citizens during the COVID-19 pandemic, using GPS on phones to monitor the movement of those in quarantine. One man got a particularly costly lesson when he violated the quarantine to go clubbing, AFP reported. The unnamed man, who was required to self-quarantine for 14 days after returning from Southeast Asia, was charged $1 million Taiwanese (about $33,000 US) after he was found at a Taipei nightclub on March 22. Authorities deemed his night out "malicious," and the New Taipei mayor, Hou Yu-ih, warned, "I will not be soft-handed." [AFP, 3/23/2020]

Neighbors Helping Neighbors

In Richfield, Wisconsin, neighbors Eric Trzcinski and Trevor Reinke have missed sharing a beer while they are socially isolating. So Trzcinski came up with a novel idea: He's a car guy, and happened to have a spare exhaust tip that was the perfect size to hold a bottle of beer. Using zip ties, he strapped the tip to a remote control car, then dropped a bottle of Corona (yes, on purpose) into the pipe. He called Reinke, told him to start videotaping, and Reinke caught the little delivery as it zoomed across a busy street and up his driveway, delivering the cold brew into his hands. Trzcinski's Facebook post featuring the video racked up more than 5 million views, he told FOX6 News on March 24. [FOX6 News, 3/24/2020]

Not Funny

Joe Fasula, co-owner of Gerrity's Supermarket in Hanover Township, Pennsylvania, had "a very challenging day" on March 25. A woman who claimed she had the coronavirus, later identified by police as Margaret Chirko, "came into the store and proceeded to purposely cough on our fresh produce, and a small section of our bakery, meat case and grocery," he wrote on Facebook. While the staff "did the best they could to get the woman out of the store as fast as possible," he said, the health department had to help disinfect the store, and the "twisted prank" resulted in the loss of $35,000 worth of food. The Philadelphia Inquirer reports the Luzerne County District Attorney's Office has charged Chirko with threatening to use weapons of mass destruction and making terroristic threats. It is not known whether the woman has COVID-19. [The Philadelphia Inquirer, 3/26/2020]