It was 1928 when Virginia Oliver, age 8, started trapping lobsters, and she hasn't stopped working the harvest yet. Oliver, now 101 years old, is a sternman on her 78-year-old son's boat, which bears her name. In that role, she measures and bands lobsters, but Oliver, of Rockland, Maine, also loads traps with small fish to attract lobsters and gets up before dawn to head out to sea. The Associated Press reported that a couple of years ago, a crab nipped her finger and she had to have seven stitches. When the doctor asked Oliver why she was still lobstering, she snapped back, "Well, that's 'cause I want to do it." Oliver has no plans to retire. "I like being along the water. And so I'm going to keep on doing it just as long as I can." [Associated Press, 9/16/2021]

Weird Science

Animal behavioral scientists at the University of Auckland in New Zealand, responding to the critical problem of livestock waste, have trained calves to urinate in a MooLoo -- a special pen with an AstroTurf surface, the Associated Press reported. Perhaps you didn't know that urine mixed with feces makes ammonia, which is an issue for the environment, or that cows produce an impressive amount of urine in a day: about 8 gallons. About the potty-training endeavor, the study's senior author, Lindsay Matthews, said, "The cows are at least as good as children, age 2 to 4 years, at least as quick." Researchers lured the cows into the pen with a sweet treat and then rewarded them when they urinated. If, after training, they went outside the MooLoo, they got a squirt of cold water. Next up: No. 2. [Associated Press, 9/13/2021]

Undignified Death

Timothy Satterlee, 71, of St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, was attacked on Aug. 30 by a 12-foot-long, 504-pound alligator during flooding following Hurricane Ida, the Daily Beast reported. His wife told police she was able to free him from the gator and pull him onto the front steps of their home, but while she went to get help, Satterlee disappeared. The parish sheriff's office said on Sept. 13 that it had captured the gator with "what appears to be human remains" in its stomach. The coroner's office was confirming that the remains were Satterlee's. "This is a horrible tragedy and my sincere condolences and sympathy goes to the Satterlee family," Sheriff Randy Smith said. [Daily Beast, 9/14/2021]

Oh, Canada

In the small town of Durham in Ontario, Canada, an unidentified driver sealed his fate on Sept. 15 when, at about 1:45 a.m., he began driving a red Cadillac in slow circles around the parking lot of the Durham Regional Police station, CTV News reported. An officer inside the building noticed the car and went outside, asking the driver to stop. "The driver did not comply and continued to drive slowly in and around the parked police vehicles while flashing his headlights," police said. Finally, two cruisers boxed him in and stopped the car. The driver was arrested for driving while impaired. [CTV News, 9/15/2021]

Least Competent Criminal

A 17-year-old driver in Youngstown, Ohio, was pulled over by police after he ran a stop sign and drove at high speeds on Sept. 15, WKBN-TV reported. When police spoke to the nervous young man, they smelled what they thought was marijuana, and in the car they found a device that is used to load ammunition into a semi-automatic firearm. They also noticed that his belt was unbuckled. The teenager explained to police that the device belonged to his sister, and regarding his belt, he said, "I ain't gonna lie, I was trying to take a s--t." But police also searched the area where he had been driving and found a 9mm handgun in a yard. Finally, the suspect admitted that the gun was his and, presumably, he had been trying to hide it in his waistband. He was charged with improper handling of a firearm in a motor vehicle. [WKBN, 9/16/2021]

Irony

Philip Morris International, maker of Marlboro and Parliament cigarettes, has sealed a deal with Vectura, a U.K.-based company that makes medicines -- including inhalers for respiratory conditions -- with a $1.1 billion bid. The BBC reported on Sept. 16 that PMI's CEO, Jacek Olczak, is "excited" to expand the company's product lines, but medical organizations and charities are less than thrilled about the purchase. "It creates perverse incentives for PMI to sell more of its harmful products so they might then profit again through treating smoking-related diseases," said Sarah Woolnough, CEO of Asthma UK and the British Lung Foundation. The agreement is set to be final on Sept. 30. [BBC, 9/16/2021]

Fine Points of the Law

On Sept. 13, a road rage incident in Amarillo, Texas, all started when Car No. 1 tried to pass Car Nos. 2 and 3. No. 1 got past the first car, but No. 3 sped up to prevent the pass. As Car No. 1 passed No. 3, someone in No. 1 fired shots into No. 3. "The victim in this case did have a handgun in their vehicle and returned fire at the suspect," Amarillo police Cpl. Jeb Hilton told KVII-TV. And here's where Texas' tricky law comes in: While it is against Texas law to shoot a firearm from a moving or stationary vehicle on a roadway, if you're shooting in self-defense, you're off the hook. The person in Car No. 3 will not face any charges. There were no injuries reported in the incident. [KVII, 9/14/2021]

Ewwwww!

-- Shirley Wright-Johnson was shopping for pizza rolls in an Oklahoma City Crest Foods store on Sept. 12 when she literally put her hand in it: As she reached into the frozen case to pick up the rolls, "I grabbed the bag, I felt something smushy on the bag, so I turned it over and there it was," Wright-Johnson told KFOR-TV. "It" was human feces. "I was so disgusted I was almost in tears," she said. Moore, Oklahoma, police investigated, checking store video cameras, where they saw a man in "the cooler section, where he proceeded to defecate inside one of the coolers before leaving the business," said Lt. Kyle Johnson. The suspect was apprehended and booked into the Cleveland County Detention Center on unrelated charges, police said. [KFOR, 9/15/2021]

-- Here's one way to swear off fast-food burgers: Estefany Benitez of Santa Cruz de la Sierra, Bolivia, visited her favorite burger chain, Hot Burger, on Sept. 12 and got an extra topping with her sandwich: a rotting human finger. The Daily Mail reported that Benitez bit into the burger and felt something unfamiliar, then pulled the finger out of her mouth. While the restaurant "carried on serving customers like nothing had happened," Benitez said, a company representative told her the burgers arrive at the store pre-prepared. But later, Edson Claure, director of the National Police's Special Crime Fighting Force, confirmed that a company employee had lost part of his finger at work. It's not lost anymore! [Daily Mail, 9/16/2021]

Sign of the Times

The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board is having to take drastic measures in response to a supply shortage of hooch in its state-run stores, The Morning Call reported. Starting on Sept. 17, liquor stores will have a two-bottles-per-day limit on a long list of specific products, including bourbons, tequilas and champagnes. The PLCB said the limit will remain "for the foreseeable future." [The Morning Call, 9/16/2021]

When Hurricane Ida swept through New York, the heavy rain and flooding did an estimated $50 million in damage. But in the Big Apple, there's a silver lining: The storm may have cleared out a significant portion of the rat population that lived in the sewers and subway system. Experts believe hundreds of thousands of rats may have died as sewer systems were overwhelmed and dumped into local bays and estuaries, where the rodents later washed up on beaches. Bobby Corrigan, longtime pest control expert, told Gothamist, "I can't imagine they would've survived." Conversely, those that did weather the storm appear to be seeking shelter on higher ground, as exterminators report a spike in complaints. [Gothamist, 9/8/2021]

Creepy

As Hurricane Ida made its way up the East Coast and Louisiana started to clean up, a Covington Domino's Pizza store tossed some of its leftover dough into a dumpster out back, nola.com reported. Temperatures in the area climbed into the 90s, and the dough climbed ... out of the waste container. Nicole Amstutz, who lives nearby, started documenting the wayward dough blob on Sept. 1, posting updates on Facebook. The dough spilled over onto the pavement, but Amstutz reported on Sept. 4 that it had fallen and boxes were placed on top of it. The general manager of the Domino's store did not respond to an interview request. [nola.com, 9/4/2021]

Long Live the King

Elvis has left ... the barber shop. Elvis Presley's personal barber, Homer Gilleland, scooped up snippings of the King's hair over multiple haircuts and kept the baseball-sized ball of tresses in a plastic bag, which he then gifted to Thomas Morgan, a friend of both men. United Press International reported on Sept. 8 that the hair, now in a sealed jar and backed up by "extensive documentation," sold at auction for $72,500. A Los Angeles auction house offered the hair alongside one of Presley's concert jumpsuits and other items. [UPI, 9/8/2021]

The (Literal) Passing Parade

At midnight on Sept. 9, North Korea held a military parade in the capital, Pyongyang, to celebrate the country's 73rd anniversary, CNN reported. Kim Jong Un appeared on a platform and waved, but reportedly did not speak. Perhaps the late hour was thought to be more dramatic than a daytime spectacle, especially for the dropping of paratroopers from military planes and firing of flares. Observers noted that Kim appeared to have lost a significant amount of weight. [CNN, 9/9/2021]

Suspicions Confirmed

Oddity Central reported on Sept. 3 that Li Zhanying of Henan, China, is known in her community for having gone more than 40 years without sleeping at all. Her husband and neighbors confirmed her claims, saying that she stayed up all night to do chores and didn't ever nap. But recently, Li visited a Beijing medical center, where doctors used sensors to monitor her and discovered that Li does sleep -- with her eyes open and while talking to her husband. Doctors called it "sleep when awake," which is similar to sleepwalking. They said Li sometimes had "slow eyeballs and hollow eyes," indicating that she was resting. [Oddity Central, 9/3/2021]

Rude

Doug Simmons, 44, and Debra McGee, 43, of Chicago, planned a destination wedding in Jamaica, to which they invited 109 guests. "Four times we asked, 'Are you available to come, can you make it?' and they kept saying yes," Simmons explained to the New York Post in late August. But when the big day arrived, the couple realized not everyone had shown up. So Simmons, a small-business owner, sent invoices for $120 per person to all the no-shows. "This amount is what you owe us for paying for your seat(s) in advance. You can pay via Zelle or PayPal." Simmons said he and his wife were hurt that people didn't show up: "I took that personally." No word on whether they've collected on any of the invoices. [New York Post, 8/27/2021]

Compelling Explanation

On Aug. 20, officers in St. Augustine Beach, Florida, responded to a call that a woman on the beach was behaving erratically and needed CPR, The Smoking Gun reported. But when first responders tried to escort her to an ambulance, Kailani Jo Kroll, 39, began running back and forth on the street. Because she hadn't committed a crime, officers and rescue workers started to pack up to leave, and that's when Kroll jumped into the cab of a firetruck and tried to drive away. Kroll was pulled from the truck and later told police, "I'm sorry for trying to take the truck, I lost my marbles." When asked if she was under the influence of anything, she told them she had taken the "elixir of life." Kroll was charged with grand theft auto and resisting law enforcement officers. [The Smoking Gun, 9/10/2021]

Great Art

Remember the self-shredding Banksy artwork that sold for $1.4 million in October 2018? Originally called "Girl With Balloon," the piece, now known as "Love Is in the Bin," will be up for auction again in October, the Associated Press reported, and is expected to fetch between $5 million and $9 million. Alex Branczik, chairman of modern and contemporary art at Sotheby's, calls the piece "the ultimate Banksy artwork and a true icon of recent art history." Before the auction, the piece will be on display in London, Hong Kong, Taipei and New York. [Associated Press, 9/3/2021]

Oops

NBC News New York reported on Sept. 10 that a subway power outage on Aug. 29, which resulted in more than 80 trains coming to a stop, was caused by someone just pressing a power switch that should have had a protective cover. The governor's office said things deteriorated after the button was pushed, citing five trains in the Bronx that got stranded between stations, where 300 people had to be helped off the trains. "New Yorkers deserve absolute confidence in a fully functioning subway system, and it is our job to restore that confidence," said Gov. Kathy Hochul. [NBC New York, 9/10/2021]

Awesome!

-- Financial advice website FinanceBuzz is offering the gig of a lifetime for horror movie fans: They want to pay someone $1,300 to watch 13 classics and monitor their heartbeat while doing so, with the goal of comparing the fear factors of films with different budgets. United Press International reported that the chosen candidate will get a FitBit to monitor their heartbeat and $50 to cover movie rental costs. Applications are open through Sept. 26, and a winner will be selected on Oct. 1. [UPI, 9/9/2021]

-- In Medford, New Jersey, 14-year-old Sammy Salvano had a busy summer. The teenager, who hopes to be an engineer, fashioned a prosthetic hand for his friend, Ewan Kirby, who is missing multiple fingers on one hand, United Press International reported. Salvano used a 3D printer to create the prosthetic, which Kirby said allowed him to pick up his mother's car keys for the first time. [UPI, 9/7/2021]

Cows summering in the mountains of Switzerland have to find their way to lower elevations as winter comes on, but among one herd, about 10 cows were injured and couldn't hoof it down safely. So in late August, farmers arranged for them to be harnessed and flown by helicopter to terrain more accessible to conventional transportation, Sky News reported. The cows were held in a mesh harness, and farmers grabbed ropes to guide them down. Farmer Jonas Arnold noted, "I didn't ask a cow how it feels after such a flight, as it couldn't answer, but ... it was only a short, calm flight." The cows are scheduled to participate in the annual cow parade at Urnerboden, Switzerland. [Sky News, 8/27/2021]

Bright Idea

Yves de Mbella, a television personality on NCI in Ivory Coast, was convicted on Sept. 1 of glorifying rape after he invited a convicted rapist on his prime-time show to demonstrate how he plied his crimes, using a mannequin as his victim. CNN reported that the segment, during which de Mbella helped the rapist adjust the mannequin and asked if his victims "enjoyed it," aired on Aug. 30. De Mbella, who was fined about $3,600, apologized for the demonstration, saying he was trying to "raise awareness." [CNN, 9/2/2021]

Compelling Explanation

Jonathan George, 31, of Norwalk, Ohio, told police on Aug. 30 that his dog, Lula, shot herself while bringing him his gun, Fox8-TV reported. "Said his dog shot itself and he trained the dog to bring a gun to him," said police Capt. Jim Fulton. "The dog had the gun in its mouth when it went off accidentally." But officers didn't believe that story; Fulton said George's blood alcohol content was 1.7, about twice the legal limit for driving, and that he "shouldn't be drinking and handling firearms, bottom line." George later admitted that he'd been trying to unload the gun when he shot the dog in the jaw. Lula is recovering from her injuries but lost an eye in the shooting; George was charged with cruelty to animals and two other misdemeanors. [Fox8, 9/1/2021]

The Way the World Works

In one neighborhood in south St. Louis, the century-old brick stormwater sewer system works in a most alarming way: When heavy rain falls, the street "explodes," with water charging up through any cracks and manholes it can find. Fox2-TV reported that on Aug. 30, resident Sacha Heath recorded video of the phenomenon and posted it to Twitter. "You hear the manholes kind of trembling and you hear the water exploding and it sounds like steam, and then chunks of asphalt are flying in the air," Heath said. "Obviously, you don't want asphalt chunks flying into the bottom of your car." But the Metropolitan Sewer District doesn't find it unusual: Sean Hadley of the MSD deadpanned that "the water's gotta go somewhere. That's what the system is designed to do -- for it to pop the manhole covers so that the water can come out and it's not popping in people's basements. That's what you don't want to happen." [Fox2, 8/31/2021]

Inexplicable

-- Kimberly Dawn Maxwell, 41, of Ashland, Kentucky, is treading water at the Western Regional Jail in Barboursville, West Virginia, after a puzzling incident on Aug. 27, WCHS-TV reported. As a dad and his two kids enjoyed a picnic at Harris Riverfront Park in Huntington, West Virginia, Maxwell, who was a stranger to them, came to sit at their picnic table. The dad reported that she was mumbling to herself, and he believed she might be under the influence, so he packed up lunch and directed the kids away from her. But as they walked, Maxwell ran up behind the 5-year-old boy and threw him in the Ohio River. A bystander who witnessed the incident jumped in and saved the boy before Maxwell also jumped into the river. When police arrived, she told them, "This is international waters. Police cannot do anything to me." When the deputy asked her to come talk to him, she responded, "That is not going to happen." A rescue boat finally plucked Maxwell from the water and she was evaluated at a hospital before being moved to the jail. [WCHS, 8/31/2021]

-- After 20 years in operation, a roller coaster in the Fuji-Q Highland Park amusement park in Fujiyoshida, Japan, has been shut down because at least six riders over the last 10 months or so have suffered broken bones while riding. The Do-Dodonpa is famous for accelerating from 0 to 112 mph in just 1.56 seconds, Vice News reported. Four of the casualties involved broken necks or backs. After suspending the coaster, the park and Sansei Technologies, which manufactured the ride, inspected it to see if they could determine the cause of the injuries, but they came to no conclusions. [Vice News, 8/23/2021]

Update

In December 2020, News of the Weird reported on the unusual union between Kazakhstani body builder and self-described "sexy maniac" Yuri Tolochko and his new wife, Margo, a blow-up doll. That relationship has since gone south, but Tolochko has found a new object of his affection: a metal ashtray that he procured from a nightclub. In fact, the Mirror reported, Tolochko plans to have the ashtray outfitted with a vagina so they can consummate their love. After a photo shoot with the ashtray, Tolochko, a pansexual, said, "I wanted to touch it again, smell it. I love its brutal scent, the touch of metal on my skin. I also like that it has a story, that it's not new, that it has served many people and continues to serve them." [Mirror, 9/2/2021]

News You Can Use

-- Mortician Caitlin Doughty, who stars in a YouTube show called "Ask the Mortician," has answered all kinds of pressing questions about what happens when bodies are cremated, the Mirror reported. For example, titanium hip joints don't melt along with tissue, clothes and hair, so, Doughty explained, "The metal has to be removed by hand or by a large magnet, and it's not handled as biological waste because it was never really part of the body to begin with." She said hip and knee replacements can now be recycled into road signs and car parts. Pacemakers, on the other hand, must be removed before cremation, as the batteries and intense heat could cause an explosion. And breast implants? Doughty says they just melt, but can leave a "gelatinous goo" stuck to the bottom of the cremation chamber. [Mirror, 9/2/2021]

-- Monsignor Stephen Rossetti of Washington, D.C., is an exorcist and licensed psychologist and counselor who is warning Catholics that demons have figured out how to send threatening text messages to their targets. The Daily Star reported that Rossetti claims to have "three cases in which demons have texted the team and/or the family of the possessed person. All were high-value targets with high-ranking, powerful demons involved." For example, one text read, "Her torments start now, priest ... all night. We will make her bleed." Rossetti points to a long history of demons influencing technology, such as flickering lights and TVs. [Daily Star, 9/2/2021]

Gross

United Press International reported on Sept. 2 that a pair of Michael Jordan's underwear, sporting signs of "definite use," will be up for auction on the website Lelands until Sept. 25. The item description notes "some loose threads evident at the seams." The basketball star apparently gave the U-trou to John Michael Wozniak, his former security guard, along with other items of clothing. Bid at presstime: $1,074. [UPI, 9/2/2021]