Los Angeles Police Department cruisers were dispatched in pursuit of a fleeing suspect wanted for assault with a deadly weapon on the evening of Sept. 24, but rather than the typical high-speed chase through bustling L.A. streets, officers found themselves following a shirtless and shoeless man in a stolen golf cart, with a dog on his lap. KCAL News reported that the low-speed chase began around 9:10 p.m. and went on for much longer than expected, due to the ineffectiveness of spike strips the police laid out in several failed attempts to slow the suspect down. The chase topped out around 19 mph before the suspect pulled into a parking lot around 9:45 p.m. and abandoned the cart, though he continued to carry the pooch. In short order, the barefoot suspect dropped the dog and was detained by police. The man was treated for unknown injuries; his unwitting canine accomplice was returned unharmed to the suspect's family. [KCAL News, 9/24/2023]

Choking Hazard

Everyone knows the dangers associated with texting while driving, but a man in Henderson, Kentucky, recently served as a reminder that eating while driving can be hazardous as well. WLKY News in Louisville reported that the unnamed driver pulled out of a McDonald's drive-thru after receiving his order and almost immediately began choking on a french fry. The passenger in the car attempted to offer assistance, but the driver lost consciousness and the car crashed into an Enterprise Rent-A-Car. The passenger and driver were taken to the hospital and treated for minor injuries. As for the risks of eating on the run, witness Patricia Grossman told WLKY, "I do it, and I'm sure a lot of people do. It's not something I've ever thought about, but now will definitely think about it more." [WLKY News, 9/26/2023]

Sign of the Times

An electronic construction sign in the Montrose neighborhood of Houston, Texas, offered the opposite of helpful advice to passersby when it was hacked on Sept. 25, reported KTRK-TV. "Due to weather," the first message, was harmless enough, but it was followed immediately by "Go ---- yourself." A city inspector was able to turn the sign off; representatives for Houston Public Works said their department does not operate the sign, and city officials have been unable to find the sign's owner. [KTRK-TV, 9/12/2023]

Let It Go

If you're dealing in illegal drugs, it seems likely that cops are the last people you would want to see. But Eric Thomas, 33, actually called for police assistance on Sept. 22 in Largo, Florida -- where, mind you, it is illegal to possess marijuana with intent to sell. When officers arrived, Thomas "stated he was selling marijuana, and someone stole $10 from him while (he was) attempting to sell it." The Smoking Gun reported that the cops were inclined to believe Thomas' story, because he was holding 11 baggies of marijuana, totaling 40 grams, as he told it. Thomas, who has been convicted of marijuana, cocaine and battery counts in the last year, was charged with two drug felonies and booked to the county jail. The thief who stole Thomas' $10 apparently remains at large. [Smoking Gun, 9/25/2023]

Next Time, Borrow a Dollar

Tacos are arguably the most delicious and convenient fast-food item in existence, but stealing one at gunpoint is, and always will be, a crime. On Sept. 8, Antonio Murray Jr., 19, approached an employee at Lilly's Panaderia in St. Louis, Missouri, pointed a gun and demanded the taco the employee was in the process of making. The employee handed over the taco, and Murray left without paying. KSDK-5 reported that police located Murray nearby, and that when confronted, he informed them he was carrying a BB gun in his waistband. Murray admitted to the incident and has been charged with one count of first-degree robbery. [KSDK-5, 9/19/2023]

Later, Gator

Take me out to the ballgame, but leave your alligator at home. The AP reported that Philadelphia Phillies fan Joie Henney of Jonestown, Pennsylvania, was turned away from Citizens Bank Park on Sept. 27 when he tried to enter with WallyGator, his emotional support alligator. Henney has owned WallyGator for several years -- legally, it should be noted -- and the reptile really is certified as a support animal. Henney has taken his leathery friend to schools and camps for educational presentations, according to a 2022 Washington Post story about the gator. He even visits a local nursing home in his red "support animal" vest. But the Phillies game seems to have been a bridge too far. The stadium's policy on support animals states, "Guide dogs, service animals, or service animals in training are welcome. All other animals are prohibited." Sorry, Wally. We'll save you some peanuts and Cracker Jack. [CBC, 9/12/2023]

99 Bottles of Rum in the Wall ...

Calling Capt. Jack Sparrow, and all other rum-loving scallywags: If you ever give up on a life at sea, this might be the place for you. MSN reported that Cathy and Roy Aukamp were still settling into their newly purchased New Jersey house when a massive rainstorm hit, flooding the finished basement. When the couple began removing the damaged sheetrock, another flood began: this time, of empty Captain Morgan rum bottles. In a viral video of the discovery, Roy scoops up dozens of the bottles while Cathy is heard laughing and saying, "Thirsty? It's 5 o'clock somewhere!" Interestingly, the previous homeowner saw the clip and got in touch with the Aukamps. "The person who did it ... said there are hundreds more" bottles in the walls, Cathy said. "But also that he is now three years sober." [MSN, 9/10/2023]

Unexpected Diversion

Flamingos have landed in Wisconsin -- the first recorded sighting in state history, according to WISN-ABC. Five of the tropical birds were recently spotted on Lake Michigan, understandably drawing the attention of hundreds of people in the decidedly untropical region. Jerry Lorenz, Ph.D., an expert with Audubon Florida, speculated that the flamingos were flying between Cuba and the Yucatan, but were diverted by Hurricane Idalia in late August. (Another theory: They're Packers fans.) Lorenz encouraged the locals to "enjoy their presence" but give the flamingos plenty of space: "These birds are stressed right now. They just went through a terrible ordeal, no matter how you look at it." Wisconsin's Department of Natural Resources said there are currently no rescue plans in the works, and that the flamingos' instincts would prompt them to head south again when temperatures drop. [WISN-ABC, 9/22/2023]

Dude, Where's My Cud?

Sometimes humans consume special brownies. And apparently, sometimes sheep consume special grass. NPR reported that a herd of sheep seeking refuge from recent storms in Magnesia, Greece, found shelter in a greenhouse and, naturally, began munching on the grass they encountered there. Unfortunately, the "grass" turned out to be almost 600 pounds' worth of medical marijuana. Farm owner Yannis Bourounis told a local radio producer that the sheep were "jumping higher than goats," which apparently "never happens." [NPR, 9/26/23]

Roll Up Your Sleeves

What would you do if you tried to check in at a hotel and no employees were to be found? A trio of friends found themselves in such a predicament at a Nashville La Quinta Inn & Suites after a night out, so they just ... managed the hotel for several hours on their own. They greeted customers, took phone calls and even served breakfast to guests. "So, instantly we're like manager mode. We run businesses back home," one of the friends explained. "Manager mode kicks in, alright, let's see what we can do." A manager eventually arrived and gave the trio a room key so they could finally check in, but upon entering the room, they found it occupied by a woman in the buff. Exasperated, they reached out to a different hotel and were awarded three suites and a free breakfast. [USA Today, 9/15/23]

Made You Look

Attention, ghost hunters! WCVB-5 in Boston reports that a Millsbury, Massachusetts, funeral home recently went up for sale, with a yard sign reading "Probably Haunted." Real estate agent Erika Kristal Eucker added the warning (or is it a selling point?) to the property's "For Sale" sign and pointed to the building's age -- it was built sometime around 1850, or nearly 175 years ago -- as justification. "Not sure if it truly is haunted, but given the age, I suppose it's a possibility," Eucker said. Built in the Greek Revival style, the funeral home was originally a residence before being converted to its more morbid purpose. Last sold in 2001 for a mere $100, the property's value stands at $514,000 today. [WCVB-5, 9/12/23]

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A resident of Trail in British Columbia called police on Sept. 8 to complain of a man wearing camouflage pants, which he believed to be a violation of some rule, the Toronto Sun reported. The caller, 27, said he was "offended on behalf of the military" and requested that an officer find the man and remove his pants. When the officer said he could not do that, the caller said he would remove the man's pants himself "under order of (the) king of England." The local Royal Canadian Mounted Police did look for the camouflage wearer, presumably to warn him about the caller, but -- surprise! -- couldn't find him. [Toronto Sun, 9/13/2023]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

After the long-awaited capture of escaped fugitive Danelo Cavalcante on Sept. 13, Pennsylvania State Police Lt. Col. George Bivens held a press conference to share the details of the arrest, Huff Post reported. One attendant, a podcaster named Michael Rainey, gets the prize for the most bizarre question posed to Bivens: "Was there any concern he (Cavalcante) would team up with another small man to step inside of a trench coat, 'Little Rascals'-style?" What? On X, Rainey said he "knew no one else would ask the questions that needed to be asked. Also, they were very polite in asking me to leave." Bivens shot a curt "No" back to Rainey's question before the podcaster was encouraged to hit the exit. [Huff Post, 9/13/2023]

Awesome!

Pedro Carvalho, CEO of Destilaria Levira, a wine distillery in Levira, Portugal, assured citizens that the 600,000 gallons of red wine that spilled from the facility on Sept. 10 and covered the city's streets would not leave a lingering smell because it was "good quality wine." The New York Times reported that one tank collapsed because of a "structural failure," knocking over another tank. The distillery promised to "take full responsibility for the costs associated with damage cleanup and repair," which included one basement that was flooded. Firefighters collected some of the wine and removed it to a wastewater treatment plant. [NY Times, 9/12/2023]

Irony

Sure, if you work for the Walt Disney Co., you expect to have mice all around you on the daily. But at the company's headquarters in New York City, advertising staffers on the fifth floor were advised on Sept. 11 to clear out "immediately" because the building was infested with the happy little rodents (oh, and also, fleas), the New York Post's PageSix reported. "Risk management and facilities teams are aware of these issues and working to quickly resolve them," the email to personnel said. One source said the existing building is set to be demolished and "there's no incentive for upkeep. At any given time, most of the elevators are broken." Sounds like a fairy-tale job. [PageSix, 9/12/2023]

Bright Idea

Police in Wiltshire, England, were called out on Sept. 12 when a neighbor spotted a grisly scene by the side of the road -- an arm and two bloody feet hanging out of a garbage bin. Wiltshire Live reported that as officers scoured other nearby trash cans, one resident alerted them that the body parts were fake and he had placed them in a neighbor's bin as a prank. "It's just a practical joke that got out of hand," he said. "I've put them in a bag so they can't be seen now." Save it for Halloween, chap. [Wiltshire Live, 9/14/2023]

It's Come to This

Rock climbers in British Columbia's Squamish area, north of Vancouver, have a new convenience available to them: Waste Alleviating Gel (WAG) bag stations. Yep, they're poop bags for humans. The CBC reported that after an "explosion in the usage of our backcountry areas ... increasingly we are finding that there are issues with human waste, particularly in our more remote crags (cliffs with climbing routes)," according to Ben Webster, chair of Squamish Access Society. Katy Holm, an owner of a store called Climb On, called the bags "totally robust. You don't have to fear that it's going to explode or anything." Well, that's a relief! [CBC, 9/12/2023]

What's in a Name?

We'll keep this short: Michael Gordon Dick, 61, of Beaverton, Oregon, was sentenced on Sept. 11 to 90 months in prison following his guilty plea for felony public indecency, KPTV reported. Dick was arrested last year after someone reported him standing on a bench in a backyard, naked from the waist down and looking into neighbors' backyards. He was on probation for the same crime when the incident took place. [KPTV, 9/11/2023]

Attention, Tourists!

Looking for something else to do in Washington, D.C., besides endless monuments and galleries? Check out the Museum of Failure, WUSA-TV suggested. The brainchild of Dr. Samuel West, the Museum of Failure is a traveling exhibition that features some of history's biggest busts, from Crystal Pepsi to Thirsty Cat (fish-flavored water for your cat). "We need to be better at learning from failure," West said. "I want visitors to recognize that failure is an essential aspect of progress and innovation." The museum also includes a Failure Confessional, where visitors can leave their own personal flops behind. Don't fail to check it out: The museum will be open until Dec. 10. [WUSA, 9/12/2023]

Cry for Help

If there was ever a place where it would be better to let a dropped Apple Watch go, a Michigan woman found it. ABC News reported that on Sept. 19, passersby called police when they heard a woman yelling for help from within an outhouse. The unidentified woman had lowered herself into the outhouse toilet to retrieve her Apple Watch, which had fallen into the unmentionable muck below. Unable to climb back out, the woman resorted to yelling for assistance, and she was eventually lifted out via strap by first responders. State police issued a statement with a warning to any fumble-fingers who might follow the woman's poor example: "If you lose an item in an outhouse toilet, do not attempt to venture inside the containment area. Serious injury may occur." [ABC News, 9/20/23]

Sounds Fishy

Grocery shoppers in some BILLA supermarkets in Europe are finding themselves face to face with the latest innovation in food technology, fresh ... off the printer. Austrian-based food-tech startup Revo Foods has developed a 3D-printed vegan fish filet "inspired by salmon," which Popular Science reported "relies on mycoprotein made from nutrition-heavy filamentous fungi" that "naturally offers a meat-like texture." The company has announced that The Filet will be available on its webstore on Oct. 1, but sorry, U.S.-based wannabe print-pescatarians: Revo ships to the EU only. The company expects to reach the U.S. market by 2025. [Popular Science, 9/15/23]

Bear Necessities

A Krispy Kreme driver delivering doughnuts to an Express convenience store on Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson in Alaska on Sept. 12 learned the hard way to lock up his van whenever he leaves it, after a pair of doughnut thieves raided his ride and got their fill. And when you're talking about a mama bear and her cub, that's a lot. "They ate 20 packages of the doughnut holes and I believe six packages of the three-pack chocolate doughnuts," said Shelly Deano, manager of the Express store. KTUU-TV reported that no humans or bears were injured during the doughnut raid, and base security was able to convince the bears to leave by blasting loud sirens. [KTUU-TV, 9/12/23]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

As dog-walkers passed the Seascape Cafe in Chapel St. Leonards, England, on Sept. 6, they were startled to see what they thought was a "ritual mass murder" inside, United Press International reported. Police were called to the scene, but it turns out the people lying on their backs were just taking part in a yoga meditation exercise. The class's teacher, Millie Laws, said class members had dispersed before officers arrived, and assured the community on her Facebook page that "(w)e are not part of any mad cult or crazy clubs. ... They were all participating in a beautiful deep relaxation, and it could have never run through any of our minds that it could be taken this way." Namaste. [UPI, 9/8/2023]

Life Goals

-- Zach Swope, 32, of Carlisle, Pennsylvania, had a worthy goal in mind when he set out to capture a Guinness World Record: He wanted to raise awareness for mental health issues. To that end, Regal Cinemas donated $7,777.77 to the American Federation for Suicide Prevention after Swope saw 777 films in 365 days, United Press International reported. He started in July 2022 with "Minions: Rise of Gru" and finished with "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny." Swope wisely bought a Regal Unlimited Membership for $22 per month, which allowed him to see as many films as he could. He said he generally saw up to three movies every weekday after work and a few on the weekends, but he was not allowed to take bathroom breaks or have snacks or drinks during the films. What was his favorite? "Across the Spider-Verse." [UPI, 9/8/2023]

-- In Brezna, Montenegro, seven individuals are competing for the resort village's coveted title of "Laziest Citizen," Reuters reported -- and all they have to do is lie down. The contest, which promises a prize of $1,070, is held every year; it started in 2012 to mock a popular stereotype of Montenegrins being lazy. In 2022, a record of 117 hours was set. But after 20+ days and nearly 500 hours, seven of the 2023 lazy competitors -- down from the 21 who started -- were still at it. (Don't worry: Each person gets 10 minutes every eight hours to visit the restroom.) Last year's champion, Dubravka Aksic, 38, said they all "feel good, excellent, there are no health problems, they are pampering us, all we have to do is remain lying down." "Time goes by quickly," said Filip Knezevic, 23, who is determined to take the prize. [Reuters, 9/8/2023]

The Golden Age of Air Travel

-- A Swiss airlines flight on Sept. 9 from Zurich to Bilbao, Spain, took off without one key element in place: the passengers' luggage. Yahoo! News reported that although passengers waited for two hours in Spain for their luggage to arrive, it never did. Company spokesperson Kavin Ampalam explained: "There was a shortage of ground staff," and after waiting for more than an hour, they decided to take off anyway. The pilot apologized to passengers for the delay but failed to mention the lack of luggage on board. "We understand the situation is not favorable for the people involved, and of course we regret the inconvenience," Ampalam said. Or worse: "Our vacation is ruined," said passenger Carsten Redlich. [Yahoo! News, 9/10/2023]

-- Travelers aboard a Delta flight from Ghana to New York on Sept. 8 made an unexpected 12-hour detour to remote Terceira Island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, the New York Post reported, and the airline didn't have much sympathy for them. The plane experienced a "mechanical issue with a backup oxygen system," a Delta spokesperson said. Nana Asante-Smith, one of the passengers, said people on board were enclosed in a "partitioned section" because of visa regulations and "had no access to food" or water. Finally, the airport provided sandwiches, juice boxes and crackers. Flyers couldn't get any information from Delta, and one airport staffer told the group they "shouldn't start a revolution" and should be grateful that their plane didn't crash into the sea. When a replacement plane arrived, the group's luggage was not transferred to the new aircraft, and some travelers waited days for their items to be recovered. [NY Post, 9/11/2023]

Weird Science

Researchers with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), exploring the Gulf of Alaska in early September, stumbled upon a "golden orb" on the ocean floor that they can't identify, Yahoo! News reported. Scientists used a remotely operated vehicle to survey deepwater habitats; the object, which was about 4 inches in diameter and had a tear near its base, was perched on a rock 2 miles deep. "While we were able to collect the 'golden orb' and bring it onto the ship, we still are not able to identify it beyond the fact that it is biological in origin," NOAA said. [Yahoo! News, 9/8/2023]

Repeat Offender

Reza Baluchi just can't stop getting into trouble with the U.S. Coast Guard, NPR reported. The Iranian-born man from Florida was arrested on Aug. 29 after officers tried for three days to convince him to abandon his plan: running across the Atlantic Ocean in a "hamster wheel" fitted with buoys, with his final destination being London, England -- 4,000 miles from his starting point. He tried similar stunts in 2014, 2016 and 2021, "all of which resulted in USCG intervention," said Coast Guard Special Agent Michael Perez. In a short documentary made about Baluchi by Vice, he explained his motivation: "If you drive a boat, nobody cares. Bubble, nobody did before. ... Make me crazy. They stop me every time, they save my life. I don’t no need it, save my life." After the 2016 incident, the Coast Guard sank Baluchi's bubble, so he redesigned and built a new one. He faces charges of obstruction of boarding and violation of a captain of the port order. [NPR, 9/7/2023]

The Criminal Mind

The North Wales Police are warning residents about a new strategy being used by burglars, Sky News reported. Criminals are leaving Christmas gnomes in people's front gardens, then watching to see if the little figurines are moved. That way, they can discern whether residents are away and the home is an easy target. "We would advise residents to be vigilant," a spokesperson for the police said. Dodgy. [Sky News, 9/5/2023]

Police Report

John McKee, 51, of Vincennes, Indiana, landed in the Knox County jail on Aug. 23 after a state trooper observed him driving a Power Wheels Jeep around 9 p.m. on a city street. According to police, the toy car didn't have lights or reflectors, and McKee failed a field sobriety test, The Smoking Gun reported. He told the officer that he had crystal meth and marijuana in his system. He was released on bond, and his fancy ride was collected by Troy's Towing, a trooper said. [Smoking Gun, 8/25/2023]

Surprise!

Goodwill employees in Goodyear, Arizona, were startled on Sept. 5 when they opened a donated box and found a human skull inside, The Arizona Republic reported. The skull still had some of the teeth attached and featured a false eye set in the left eye socket. Goodyear Police spokesperson Lisa Berry said they believed it to be "historic" and to have no "forensic significance, meaning there appears to be no associated crime." The Goodwill store would not comment on whether the skull will be added to the store's shelves (perfect for Halloween!) or how it would be priced. [Arizona Republic, 9/7/2023]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.