If you were hoping to extend your holiday spirit to your automobile and you live in Wyoming, think again. United Press International reported that the Wyoming Highway Patrol is reminding motorists that colored Christmas lights are not legal on civilian cars. The statute says that "no person shall drive or move any vehicle or equipment upon any highway with any lamp or device thereon capable of displaying a red or blue light visible from directly in front of the center thereof." In other words, only cops get red and blue lights on their cars. The WHP posted a photo on Dec. 2 with a car completely covered in Christmas lights being pulled over. Bah, humbug! [UPI, 12/13/2024]

Questionable Judgment

A mushroom hunter identified only as "Helen" stumbled upon a new "dogging" destination in Kent, England, in early December, Kent Online reported on Dec. 17. Dogging, for those of you not up on your Brit slang, refers to open-air sexual activity. Helen was following a footpath along the A29 highway when her dog pulled her farther into the woods, where she discovered a large sex toy tied to a tree with string. "I looked from a distance and then I just left, as I was really disgusted and a bit freaked out by it," Helen said. A local councilor said he is preparing a report about the issues; Kent Police said they haven't received any reports of criminal activity there. [Kent Online, 12/17/2024]

Rude

-- Ten- and 11-year-old students at Lee-on-the-Solent school in Hampshire, England, were traumatized in mid-December after Rev. Paul Chamberlain visited to conduct a religious education class, The Guardian reported. The good vicar started his discussion with the birth of Jesus, but he went on to tell the kids that Santa Claus is not real and that their parents buy the presents and eat the biscuits left out for the jolly old elf. Some students started to sob. "Paul has accepted that this was an error of judgment, and ... he apologized unreservedly to the school, to the parents and to the children," said a spokesperson for the Diocese of Portsmouth. [Guardian, 12/14/2024]

-- In April, Christina Sivilay of Kent, Washington, suffered a stroke which left her in a coma, KIRO-TV reported. When she woke up, she was greeted with an eviction notice from her apartment. The stroke has caused her to lose some movement and strength in parts of her body, so she's unable to work. "When I came home from the hospital, I felt useless. I'm a worker," she said. Sivilay is concerned about her two sons, 12 and 7 years old. "I just want them to know they're OK, and that we don't have to live in the street or a shelter," she said. Relatives are helping, but when KIRO reached out to the apartment manager, there was no comment. [KIRO, 12/11/2024]

Least Competent Criminal

An unnamed man in Wheat Ridge, Colorado, allegedly caused a multi-vehicle crash on Dec. 4, KKTV reported. When officers arrived, they asked him how many drinks he had consumed, to which he answered, "probably 10. Hey, hey, hey, I'm gonna tell you right now, like, I'm a professional drinker," he said. Police administered a breathalyzer test, which showed the man's blood alcohol content was more than four times the legal limit. He was handcuffed and charged; no one was hurt in the accident. [KKTV, 12/12/2024]

You Had One Job ...

Commuters in Samut Prakan, Thailand, were flummoxed upon arriving at a newly renovated bus stop, Nation Thailand reported on Dec. 7. The floor of the stop was concrete, which had been poured up to the bottoms of the seats of the brand-new green plastic chairs, causing riders to sit on the ground. While the contractor has acknowledged the mistake and vowed to fix it, online commenters have had a field day: "Designed for people to sit Thai-style, neatly and politely," one said. "I love the concept behind this work," said another. [Nation Thailand, 12/7/2024]

Wait, What?

OK, first of all, who knew that grain silos have basements? But I digress. In El Dorado County, California, a horse fell through a narrow opening in the floor of an abandoned grain silo and into the structure's basement, United Press International reported on Dec. 17. El Dorado Search and Rescue came to the animal's rescue and used a pulley system to hoist Matsie the mare out of the basement, after which she was "reunited with her family and friends." To which she responded, "Neeiiiiggghhhhh." [UPI, 12/17/2024]

Animal Antics

On Dec. 14, at a rugby match in Buckinghamshire, England, between the Marlow Rugby Club 2nd XV and the Rams Rugby Club 3rd Team Centaurs, a Marlow player was flattened when a small deer ran onto the field and collided with him, the BBC reported. Neither the player nor the deer were injured, and Marlow went on to win the contest 19-17. [BBC, 12/16/2024]

Risky Business

Police in Long Island, New York, arrested Gladys Serrano, 70, in early December for practicing dentistry without a license from the kitchen of her one-bedroom apartment. A search of Serrano's apartment revealed many of the tools of a legit dental practice, including drawers full of dental instruments and extraction tools, a dental treatment chair situated near the sink, impression molds, needles and vials of medication. The one victim identified by authorities (so far) had five "rotting" teeth extracted by Serrano. Myriam Kai, a neighbor who, like Serrano, hails from El Salvador, told WABC-TV New York, "I don't know why they're making this a big deal. She has a degree in El Salvador. She's a great dentist." Serrano faces up to four years in prison if convicted. [WABC-TV, 12/12/24]

Reunited

Do you remember your fourth grade lunchbox? Tracy Drain of Virginia is getting reacquainted with hers. It went missing 40 years ago and was found in early December by a plumber, who discovered the vintage Heathcliff-themed memento hiding in a pipe chase while he was working at Fairview Elementary School in Roanoke. A tag inside was adorned with Drain's name, and a former co-worker of Drain's reached out to her after reading about the lunchbox find in a Facebook post from the Roanoke City Public Schools. Drain told WDBJ-7, "I’m definitely going to treasure it because of mom’s writing on it and the way she took care of us as kids and how she raised us." [WDBJ-7, 12/11/24]

Keeping Spirits Up

In "What could possibly go wrong?" news, an Ohio funeral home may soon be able to serve alcohol to grieving families. Evergreen Funeral, Cremation and Reception, in Columbus, applied for a liquor license earlier this year and could be serving as soon as January, reported ABC-WSYX on Dec. 16. Evergreen's owner, Hunter Triplett, says he wants to shed the funeral industry's dark, morbid reputation. One way to do that? Let mourners raise a toast to their lost loved ones. "My role in this position is to kind of be a party planner for the dead," Triplett said. If approved, the facility would receive a D3 liquor license, which in Ohio allows the sale of beer, wine and hard liquor for consumption on-site. Interestingly, the property used to be a chocolate factory; perhaps Triplett could consider giving mourners truffles rather than Tito's. That might keep "RIP" further away from "DUI." [ABC-WSYX, 12/16/2024]

A Laysan albatross named Wisdom, who lives at the Midway Atoll National Wildlife Refuge, laid what experts believe to be her 60th egg recently, her first in four years. Wisdom is 74 years old, the Associated Press reported on Dec. 6. Laysan albatrosses mate for life; Wisdom's mate, Akeakamai, has not been seen for several years, and Wisdom started stepping out with another male. "We are optimistic that the egg will hatch," said Jonathan Plissner, supervisory wildlife biologist at the refuge. Eggs typically incubate for about two months. [AP, 12/6/2024]

Fake Santa

Visitors at the Great Hall in Winchester, Hampshire, England, are demanding refunds after the quality of the Santa stand-in was not up to their expectations, the Guardian reported on Dec. 10. Comments included that he had a "blatantly fake beard" and "cheap red suit" and called the whole experience a "shambles." "He wasn't very talkative at all -- he didn't seem very jovial. It ruined the experience," said dad Matthew Fernandez, 38, who brought his three children. His children were "in tears regarding the situation and said they knew he was a fake." The Hampshire Cultural Trust said this year's experience is different from last year's and they would offer refunds to customers who had not visited yet. [Guardian, 12/10/2024]

Sign of the Times

An unnamed woman in Chongqing, China, landed the grand prize of $1,380 after she managed to avoid using her mobile phone for ... one hour, MSN reported on Dec. 3. A local business organized the "public welfare challenge" aimed to spotlight the issue of smartphone addiction. The winning participant showed up in her jammies and had to lie perfectly still, without benefit of distractions like books or movies. Out of 10 contestants, she was the only one who prevailed. [MSN, 12/3/2024]

Eyes All Over

Ever feel like you’re being watched? Someone in Bend, Oregon, has been putting googly eyes on public artwork in local roundabouts, reported the Sacramento Bee on Dec. 8. At least eight statues and sculptures have been “enhanced” so far, and city officials are none too pleased. “While the googly eyes placed on the various art pieces around town might give you a chuckle, it costs money to remove them with care to not damage the art,” read a Dec. 4 post on the city’s Instagram page. It seems the adhesive used by the googly bandit can damage the artwork; the city claims to have spent $1,500 on repairs so far. However, the comments on the city’s post were decidedly pro-whimsy: “These googly eyes give me the hope to move forward each day,” read one. Others included: “Let us have some fun,” “Googly eyes keep my mental health in a good place,” and the hard-to-argue-with “LONG LIVE GOOGLY EYES!” [Sac Bee, 12/8/24]

That's Commitment

And you thought your commute was tough. International student Guangli Xu, 28, currently in his final semester at the Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology in Australia, went viral in early December after posting a video on Douyin (the Chinese version of TikTok) documenting his weekly commute. That is, his weekly 5,468-mile commute. Xu told SBS Mandarin that the trip from his hometown of Dezhou in China's Shandong province to Melbourne and back -- a journey he made 11 times between August and October -- costs about $1,500, which ends up being comparable to what his cost of living would be if he stayed in Melbourne full-time. "But I think the money is better spent [in China]," Xu said, "because the overall cost here is lower." [SBS News, 12/8/24]

Claus Canceled?

The debate about a War on Christmas may be something of an annual tradition in American news media, but a recent letter from Vitaly Borodin, head of Russia's Federal Project on Security and Combating Corruption, names Santa Claus himself as the key figure in an international Christmas conflict. According to Newsweek, Borodin's letter to Russia's Prosecutor General, first reported by the Russian news outlet Meduza, calls St. Nick a "foreign agent" and expresses concern that the jolly old elf is replacing Father Frost (also known as Ded Moroz), the country's traditional Christmas figure. Borodin has at least one notable supporter in Mikhail Ivanov, deputy of the Bryansk regional parliament, who told the Russian outlet Life, "Santa Claus has become not so much a symbol of Christmas as a symbol of commerce and mass production." Ivanov has called for Santa merchandise to be replaced with that of Ded Moroz all over Russia. Someone's getting coal for Christmas. [Newsweek, 12/10/24]

Bad Habit

A mafia investigation in Italy recently yielded 24 arrests, but one suspect stands out among the rest: Sister Anna Donelli. The BBC reported on Dec. 4 that a sting operation by the Italian police caught the nun using her position as a volunteer at a prison, which gave her "free access to the penitentiary facilities," to relay messages and info between the notorious 'Ndrangheta mafia and its incarcerated members. Donelli will surely have company as she awaits trial; the police operation, which involves hundreds of officers, is ongoing across northern Italy. [BBC, 12/4/24]

Issss That You Ssssnoring?

Here's some news to help you replenish your stock of nightmare fuel. The Indian Express reported that a man in Stellenbosch, South Africa, found a surprise under his bedroom pillow when he returned home in late November: a live cape cobra. The man immediately called Stellenbosch Snake Removals, who posted a video clip on Nov. 24 on Facebook of the removal by expert snake wrangler Emile Rossouw. The company called the highly venomous snake "by far our most dangerous cobra," and said "with the Black Mamba it accounts for the majority of fatal snake bites in South Africa." Sleep tight. [Indian Express, 12/11/24]

Saving Santa

Ho-ho-ho-no: One of Santa’s helpers had to be rescued off the side of a building, reported USA Today on Dec. 10. Firefighters were called to the scene of the Holiday Extravaganza in Norwalk, Connecticut, when a man dressed as Santa Claus got stuck 60 feet off the ground. The man was rappelling down the 13-story building when part of his costume became entangled in the rigging. The rescue crew pulled him to safety through a 6th-floor window; no injuries were reported. (Had it been the real Santa, of course, the reindeer would have flown to his rescue right away.) [USA Today, 12/10/24]

Yay, Science!

A Chicago middle schooler brought some goose droppings to science club -- and landed in the middle of a biomedical breakthrough. The club is supervised by researchers from the University of Illinois as part of an initiative to "involve young learners in the search for new antibiotics," reported ScienceAlert on Dec. 5. Students were instructed to "explore their neighborhood for new bioactive compounds." Hence, goose poop from a local park. With the help of the pros, the student safely isolated a bacterium from the droppings that showed antibiotic activity -- an incredibly rare and important feat, say the experts. Not only that, but the bacterium also produced a never-before-seen natural compound which, in lab tests, slowed the growth of certain cancer cells. The student is now listed as a co-author of the peer-reviewed paper on the discoveries. [Science Alert, 12/5/24]

No doubt inspired by "WKRP in Cincinnati," Esther Keim of Anchorage, Alaska, this year completed her third Alaska Turkey Bomb, the Associated Press reported. When Keim was growing up in rural Alaska, a family friend would drop turkeys to her family and others from a plane, along with newspapers and chewing gum. She started her tradition with a small plane she rebuilt with her father, and this year she dropped 32 frozen turkeys to people living beyond roads. Dave and Christina Luce live a 90-minute snowmobile ride from the nearest town. "I'm 80 years old now, so we make fewer and fewer trips," Dave said. Keim has "been a real good friend." She hopes to start a nonprofit organization to solicit donations and reach more people, with more than turkeys. "There's so many kids out in the villages," she said. "It would be cool to maybe add a stuffed animal or something they can hold." [AP, 11/28/2024]

Family Values

-- An unnamed mother in Cheshire, England, was sentenced to 7 1/2 years in prison for "extreme neglect" after her 3-year-old daughter of hers was found to have been living in a drawer under a bed, the BBC reported. The mother hid the child from her siblings and even from a boyfriend, who discovered her in 2023 after hearing her cry when the mom was away. The court said she was severely malnourished, looking more like a 7-month-old baby, and had a cleft palate, matted hair and other deformities. The mother told police she had not realized she was pregnant and was "really scared" when she gave birth, calling the child "not part of the family." Judge Steven Everett said he could not "remember a case as bad as this in my 46 years." [BBC, 11/26/2024]

-- Three generations of a family in Palm Coast, Florida, celebrated Black Friday by shoplifting $400 worth of cosmetics and alcohol from a Target store, the Miami Herald reported. A 76-year-old woman, her 54-year-old daughter and a juvenile granddaughter were arrested after a Target loss specialist saw the juvenile putting items in her backpack, police said. The two adults were charged with theft and contributing to the delinquency of a minor; the girl was turned over to her father. [Miami Herald, 12/4/2024]

Don't Try This at Home

Firefighters battled a blaze for more than 16 hours in Weston, Connecticut, on Thanksgiving, WFSB-TV reported, after flames erupted as someone tried to fry a turkey. The fire, which started in the garage of a $4 million mansion, quickly spread to the rest of the house, and six other fire departments joined in the effort to fight the fire. None of the residents or neighbors were hurt, but the home was deemed "uninhabitable." [WFSB, 12/2/2024]

Bright Ideas

-- If you're fortunate enough to live in California, Ohio, Tennessee, Texas or Florida over the next couple of weeks, you can have your photo snapped while driving through Taco Bell, KTLA-TV reported. "Every day in our drive-thrus, we see moments that are so uniquely 'our fans,'" said Chief Marketing Officer Taylor Montgomery. Select locations will be transformed into photo booths, with some of the photos ending up on a Taco Bell commercial during the third quarter of the Super Bowl. Participating fans will need to have the TB app and scan a QR code at the drive-thru. Photos will be sent to the account holder's email address. Smile! [KTLA, 12/3/2024]

-- In Lone Tree, Colorado, on Nov. 23, police officer Jacob Tarr was busy arresting a suspect in a theft when the perp took off on foot, KY3-TV reported. Thinking fast, Tarr commandeered a kid's bike to continue the chase, police said. "The suspect might've had a scooter, but Officer Tarr had determination, and a kid's bike," the police shared on social media. The suspect, who had three outstanding warrants, was eventually nabbed and charged with felony theft. [KY3, 12/2/2024]

But Why?

Tyler Wade Gibson, 35, and his wife, Bailey Alexus Gibson, 32, were charged with child abuse on Nov. 27 in Columbia, Missouri, after Tyler tried to perform a circumcision at home on their infant son, Law and Crime reported. The parents took the child to Lake Regional Hospital after being alarmed by the amount of blood; Bailey told police she was "very hesitant" about her husband doing the procedure but helped him do it. Social services went to the home on Nov. 29 and removed five children. The Gibsons are scheduled to be back in court on Jan. 28. [Law and Crime, 12/3/2024]

Animal Antics

They say all fashion trends eventually come back around. Science Alert reported on Dec. 3 that orcas off the West Coast of North America have started wearing salmon as hats -- again. The fad was first noticed in 1987 in Puget Sound, when orcas started balancing dead fish on their noses. Scientists believe they may be storing the food for later or "showing off," or it may just feel good. Humpback whales, for example, have been known to wear hats of seaweed. "Honestly, your guess is as good as mine," said Deborah Giles, science and research director at Wild Orca. With further study, "we may be able to gather enough information to show that, for instance, one carried a fish hat for 30 minutes or so, and then he ate it." [Science Alert, 12/3/2024]

Least Competent Criminal

Maybe don't record your crimes in your journal -- that's the lesson just learned by Vanessa Guerra, 30, of Mankato, Minnesota. The Smoking Gun reported that on the same day that a 2004 Ford Freestar van was stolen, Guerra wrote in her diary: "Totally stole a car today! Something I never thought of doing." She sold the van to an auto salvage company for $2,000. As investigators closed in on Guerra as the thief, she told them she didn't know the van was stolen -- but they were "able to locate a journal belonging to Guerra" that included her admission. She was charged with two felonies. [The Smoking Gun, 11/27/2024]

It's Come to This

From the "But Why Would You Want To?" file: The New York Post reported on Dec. 4 that Miller High Life has released a new cologne, just in time for the holidays. Dive Bar-Fume evokes the smells of a bar counter, leather stools and tobacco so you can be in your favorite dive bar whenever you want. It also includes sea salt (for the "basket of fries and popcorn") and Champak blossom, which of course smells like Miller High Life. It'll set you back $60 and comes in a fancy gift box. One commenter asked, "Does it smell like shattered dreams?" Touche. [NY Post, 12/4/2024]

Questionable Judgment

Amanda Joudrey LeBlanc of Blandford, Nova Scotia, found a dog sitter she liked and booked them several times over the summer, the CBC reported on Nov. 19. That is, until she discovered a video of the sitter advertising an account on OnlyFans. LeBlanc immediately recognized her own home in the background -- her bathroom and her outdoor pool. She bought a subscription to the service and discovered more explicit content filmed in her house. "I am still shocked by it to be honest with you," LeBlanc said. "Everyone can do whatever they want. I don't care. I just don't want it done in my home." The dogs were not featured in the videos. [CBC, 11/19/2024]